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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Would I be crazy to take an ex back?It was a LDR, he broke up with me (amicably) a few weeks back and I guessed he was getting cold feet, scared of commitment or whatever as I was looking to re-locate in the next few months to be closer to him. Been together less than a year and so it was quite a big decision, one which I was happy making. Anyway, 2 weeks after the break up he contacts me and I politely respond back wishing a happy new year. He has contacted me a couple of times since and recently has asked how things are etc, and we have been texting. Now I know he wants to try again, but I am not so sure I can do a long distance relationship again. It is just not practical, how can it work when you hardly see each other? Would it be wise to say, meet him once - just for the day and see if I still feel the same? or am I asking to be hurt or rejected again by going down this road?My heart says one thing, my head another. Also I have to remember how he made me feel after the break up, I have forgiven him but he was upset too and says he misses me. Should I let him do all the chasing now? I don't want to be playing games, it's just if he really is interested, shouldn't he make a good amount of effort? I appreciate you thoughts on this one..! Thanks
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broke up, long distance, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe admitted that he was scared of the commitment, maybe it was going too fast. He definitely seemed very keen on the idea of being closer when we were together. Anyway, you are both right. LDR's are hard, a lot of trust is needed and it is hard to build a proper relationship with someone with whom you are not seeing on a regular basis. I think it would be wise to not encourage him and to keep my distance (metaphorically!) and just take it from there, maybe he will get the hint and realise that it just can't work.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 January 2011):
Has he actually said that he wants to try again, or are you assuming? You don't make that totally clear.
Anyway, very rarely do LDR's work. Yours already failed once, and as it is, I don't see it working out. You only broke up a few weeks ago, and suddenly he's interested? I don't buy it. I think he thinks he made a mistake, but like so many people will wind up dumping you again because he's not thought things through.
And of course, there is also the problem that you are wanting him to do all the chasing. Now there's nothing wrong with making him do some chasing, but he can't be expected to do it all. After all, it takes two to make something work.
As it is, I think you'll let yourself in for more pain. I just don't see it working out.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (29 January 2011):
You state that you "guess" he had cold feet... have you actually asked him and talked to him to find out where the problem lies? Although to a degree I sense you may be right.
Alarm bells ring for me... You say you are prepared to move location to be with this guy, which in it self is a big thing, but what committment is he showing... he hasn't exactly shouted from the roof tops with delight has he that you intended moving near by. I would seriously reconsider your future with this guy for the moment... and you are right, LDR do not work, and if LDRs are to work, there is always one person who has to move, and since you are the one prepared to do that, doesn't that tell you something when he suddenly cuts you off!
I am not into mind games etc, but on this occasion I would let him do a little bit of the work... make him realise what he could have had, or may have lost! Failing that, find someone closer to home.
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