A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help, I need major help getting on track!Hello all. I am 27 and for all intents and purposes I consider myself a virgin (the one night of 5-hour attempt where I got no pleasure doesn't count).I can't find anyone compatible and I try every day. I am far more successful than my old friends and family (is this intimidating?) but not nearly ready to settle with a woman ready to build a nest. I keep my dating range within 2 years and I am either losing women to guys my age that play guitar and work retail slave wages or get the kind of women who are ready to buy a house and have two kids. I don't want the two kids, I wish I could get along with the girls who are for some reason attracted to the wage slaves. I have expressed interest, invited them on walks, casual lunches, light shows, art viewings, you name it I tried it (this was all on single women). 8 out of 10 are now dating guys who work retail for $7.50 for no name bands (if your band opens fourth for a locals-only band with a 5-dollar cover, you can't be that good).What am I doing wrong? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): This is merely my point of view and could be totally wrong...it seems that you think less of people who are not succesful in your eyes.Succes can be defined differently by different people. A "retail slave" sounds kinda demeaning. If you approach women with that attitude of superiority then that to me would be a turn off, as you would constantly feel as if you are not good enough. Maybe you feel you are not a good lover because of your one "failed" attempt and you are trying to overcompensate by boasting your "succes". I think if you would relax, and be yourself without using your succes as a businesscard you will find to become more attractive. Hope this helps good luck!
A
female
reader, hammyj  +, writes (29 January 2011):
In all honesty you don't sound like an attractive person. You want to know why? You look down on other people. And not only do you look down on them but in a weird way you are jealous of them. So what if they don't earn as much as you, so what if music is their thing? You've no right to criticize them or say they have no right to date a nice girl. Its how they live their lives, and maybe girls find them attractive because of their qualities. Girls aren't shallow like that, most would not date purely for money or status, personally I couldn't date a guy with loads of money and power if he was a d**k. Maybe if you were more modest, humble and down-to-earth you would be more successful with girls. Also you have a tendency to whine, this is also not attractive. The focus seems to be a lot on yourself and about what you want. I think you should take a step back and think about being a better person, try a little self-lessness and try not looking down on others. When you've achieved that you'll find that you are ten times more attractive to girls.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): How many of the "retail slaves" would tell a woman that they're looking to start a family any time soon? Not many of them.
You aren't losing women because of the kids. You're losing them because the average woman is a lot more attracted to unsuccessful men than she wants to admit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): I like successful motivated people. You would be a great catch for someone like me who can't stand guitar-playing slackers. What I would say is simplify yourself...don't talk about your successes. Be more laid back and dont stress over this. It's fun to see a person who is laid back AND successful. Don't try too hard to display your art tastes and money...that's a turn off, it feels like you're trying to buy the girl. Have some sloppy fun you know? Bowling, attend some kind of gig. That's what I think. I don't want kids, but things change once you get serious. You never know. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2011):
I also agree that you not wanting children might be a deal breaker. So maybe look for an older woman to date.
I also wonder if you need to kind of be a bit more outgoing, or maybe expand the hobbies you have. Art viewings, casual lunches, shows and all that are great if you find a woman who is interested in culture and such. But some women also like a man who'll take her ice-skating, or be totally spontaneous (something which men like you and I find hard - I'm working on being more spontaneous).
The single biggest thing women love is novelty - that's why they love bad boys, it's why they love guys who are losers but play the guitar. They represent 'care-free fun'.
So, look for women older than you (I did - and it worked), and also expand your interests into things that give quick fun. You could even learn to play the guitar.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (29 January 2011):
 You sound like a good catch! One thing working against you is your decision to not have children. For most women, this is a dealbreaker. However, there are plenty of women out there who feel the same way as you. You may want to broaden the age range. I wouldn't go under 25 because these women will likely change their minds about having children. Instead, I would expand the upper age limit. In addition, you need to date women who are career oriented.
Have you tried online dating yet?
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