A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am 30 years old and have never been married and never had a child, my boyfriend whom i love more than anything, has been married and has a child with his ex wife. i know in my heart that i want to get married and have a child someday. on the very few occasions that i brought up having a child, he seems pretty against it, i dont know what to do, he is the love of my life.
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): You must go with your instincts here. If you want a baby at some point - he is not the partner for you. A woman has a limited time, men not so, so for a woman it is a very important decision. He has a child already and so it is therefore a bit selfish you deny you one in the future. To deny a woman her own baby, if she wants one, is cruel. It would be a deal breaker for a lot of women and certainly do not give up the idea of having a baby to fit in with a man. Explain to him how important it is to you and if he still doesn't feel able to go along with you, your best option is too find someone else who wants a family.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 January 2011):
 There's really only one thing you can do. Either stay with him and give up the idea of having a kid, or leave him and find someone else who also wants children.
But never dismiss his desire not to have a kid. You won't be able to change him or push him into having kids. This is a compatability issue and your decision.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): My sympathies - I am a man who doesn't want children and I have had to let three relationships go because of it. Two of the women changed their minds to wanting children, the third hoped I would change my mind. It just isn't an option for me, just as it isn't for some women.
I know it is different for different people but I actually find it hard to understand why people prefer to leave someone they KNOW they love and would happily spend their lives with for the POTENTIAL of children. You may leave someone you love, find a man who wants kids but discover either of you can't physically have them. Giving up a certainty for a possibility seems such a risk and I would rather be with someone I love than potentially be on my own.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 January 2011):
I'm afraid the situation is a little bleak here for you. No matter how much you love this guy, if he doesn't want another child and you do, that will lead to some heated arguments and a lot of resentment.
You two need to sit down and have a big talk about this, sooner rather than later. You need to tell him clearly that you want children. Then see what he says.
If he says no, then you'd do better to let him go. He isn't the one for you if you don't have shared goals in life. You mustn't let the idea of motherhood slip away, because you will really resent it.
Talk to him clearly, and really decide what you want. If you want children and he doesn't, then you'll need to move on.
...............................
|
