A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How does a woman create an emotional bond with a guy? For women, we'd want to be kind, thoughtful and generous. I hear that those things can be a turn off to a guy, so how are emotional bonds created? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Depends on exactly what you're looking for. For a romantic bond, touch and sex are basically the best way - your bodies release all kinds of pair-bonding hormones during and after sex that you can't get any other way. If you're physically touching each other in non-sexual ways too, like frequent hugs, cuddling, or backrubs, that's a bonus.
Now, whether it's a romantic or platonic bond you're looking for, to engage a man's mind and heart is fairly simple. Dirtball's advice is spot-on. Sit or stand with him, facing the same direction, so there is only occasional eye contact. Both of you need to find something to do with your hands - that could be playing video games, building a porch, drinking a beer while watching sports, playing cards, whatever, so long as it occupies your hands and part of your minds. Then just get him talking; ask open-ended questions and listen without judging or opining unless asked about it. Give him a little while to warm up, as he will not immediately start pouring out his heart.
Now, being kind, thoughtful, and generous are all good, and not turn-offs, but there are supplemental to the real bond. He doesn't need someone to be generous or thoughtful, he just needs someone he knows he can count on. Loyalty is the prime virtue, not generosity. A guy's best friend isn't the one who will remember his birthday and bring cookies; it's the one he can call at 3 am to pick him up at the police station and never speak of it again.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (9 March 2011):
 In addition to CaringGuy's suggestions (and they are good ones) having him teach you something is also good. Preferably you should pick something he's good at that you know something about so that you can pick up on it quickly. Maybe it's the rules of some sport, or a card game, it doesn't really matter.Having a common goal or mission can be another fun exercise. For example, trying to find a present for a male relative and you want his input so you go shopping together.While you're doing those activities, that's when you talk. Don't worry about eye contact, or facing each other, just talking side by side is how most men are most comfortable talking. Some guys will discuss the meaning of life while working on a car together, never looking at each other for anything other than to hand off a tool.It all depends on the guy.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (9 March 2011):
 First of all define your femaleness, always be a girl! Sweet, honest, kind, sensitive, supportive. Stay away from the friends-only-zone, but be a good friend with a flirty attitude. Give all these but also give him space, give him the option to stay of leave. Try to be involved in his life, chat, see what he likes and why. Do all these with all your sincerity, don't fake because we know. Best wishes!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 March 2011):
If you watch how men bond, we specifically bond when doing something practical. We don't sit around chatting, we go play sport, we go out for a drink etc. We do something. That's how men bond.
If you're looking to create an emotional bond, then you need to do practical things together (that doesn't mean sex), like go out to/for bars, restaurants, walks, sports etc. Mix those practical things with the kind, thoughtful, generous things (that should come from him also), and you can't really go wrong.
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