A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I am 19 years old and currently married to my partner whom I love but I have started to fall for my boss who is 20 years older than me and he has a girlfriend I am really upset about all of this i do not want to hurt my partner.. He already knows about my feelings for him but my boss doesn't should I tell him? Thank you.
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male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (10 March 2011):
Did you think you would get married, and then never have any feelings for anyone else that you met in your life? We meet people that we are attracted to all the time, that we feel sexually attracted to, that we connect with on a spiritual level, that we find intellectually stimulating, all sorts of different connections. It doesn't mean we have to leave our current partner every time a new, different connection comes along.Having feelings or forming connections is not the issue, its what we do with those feelings and connections that counts. If I am walking down the street with my gf and I see a more beautiful women on the other side of the street that I find more attractive, I don't just leave my gf and hitch up with the other woman. I say to my gf "wow, look how beautiful that girl looks", and my partner (in an ideal world :)) says "yeah, she's gorgeous", and we smile at each other, and keep on walking.Its more complicated with deep feelings of love, or lust, whatever you mean by "falling for him" but in a way it is possible for you to deal with them in a similar manner, not through telling your husband how much you love your boss necessarily, but by acknowledging how you feel and choosing where you put your energy and focus. You don't say exactly what you want, whether you want to stay with your husband or be with your boss, but know that you have lots of choices, and your choices will determine your outcome. It is worth saying too that you are young, and feelings change. Think clearly about what you think is the best life for you, and trust your intelligence.Good luck.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 I don't think you sound rational at all, something deeper is going on with you, perhaps fear of intimacy, and you lack a respect for other's boundaries.Your boss is too old for you, he is in a position of power and if you tell him you are falling for you, he may use you, then his girlfriend/wife will make sure he fires you. It will be you that is screwed in the end and your husband (that is the word not partner unless you are married to a woman?)does not deserve your lack of committment and infidelity. If you aren't ready for marriage then cut him/her free and remain single.I think therapy is in order to help you figure out where your insecurities and lack of rational decision making lies. You may be depressed, fearful, something, but find out what it is before you go around destroying other people's lives.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 March 2011):
No. That will make it worse for you, him, his girlfriend and your boyfriend. Instead, focus on your marriage.
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