A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:To men,how important is the first love to a man when it is years over? Does your first love still have a special place in your heart? If you have dated her for 4-5 years,do you still think of her at some point in your life even if you have a new girlfriend now?P.S. first love means the first girl who you have dated and have deeply,truly and madly been in love with..... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Mr Clark  +, writes (12 March 2011):
I have never seen her since we broke up. We live in different states, and she got married fairly soon after we broke up.
At the time we broke up, I had traveled to see her, and we had a very long tearful conversation about getting married the night before I left. I remember the song "Don't Speak" by No Doubt was on the radio just as we were pulling into the airport, the very last time I saw her:
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
I've never actually seen her since we broke up. We had considered meeting when she was traveling for work, but we were afraid it would be too difficult to remain friends over a weekend, and that it would cause problems for her in her marriage.
I spoke to her on the phone a couple times recently, and we clicked instantly. Although I liked talking to her, I didn't want to interfere with her marriage by stirring up old feelings.
I used to email her about once or twice a week, but that has fallen off lately, I think in part because she knows I'm getting serious in my current relationship and she's feeling a little hurt. Although she is a faithful wife, and I don't think she would ever leave her husband, I do know I am the love of her life.
I still have dreams about her quite often. In my dreams I am in city I've never been in before at night, and I am lost, frantically roaming the streets trying to find her.
The lyrics from "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd have often come to my mind over the years:
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Do I miss her? No. In hindsight it took me a ridiculously long time (two years? Three?) to stop missing her.
If I got an email from her would I reply? I doubt it. I miss the times, the feeling of new love, and obviously have some fond memories. But I'm under no illusions that I could ever go back there in any way other than my memory.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMr.Clark:
Thank you for your reply.
Then have you met her again after you broke up?
How often do you contact with her via email?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionC.Grant:
Then do you miss her?
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (8 March 2011):
Funny, "our song" came up on the radio this morning. Hadn't heard it for years. I immediately was taken back to dancing in her living room. Love ya, Nancy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_96uyfmqgo
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 March 2011):
I remember her. That's all.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (5 March 2011):
Oh no, haven't had any contact with her since maybe 1983. Waay too much water under the bridge for that.I *remember* her well. That's not the same thing as *pining* for her. I did that for long enough after we broke up. I'm such a different person than I was then, she must be too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): I don't think I have forgotten any of my loves. In that sense, the first one is no different to the later two.I still know her. She is married with kids, as am I. We might meet socially once in a while, she with her partner and family, me with mine. Both our partners know (presumably "how did you lose your virginity" is a popular question between lovers) and they take the occasional opportunity to tease us.There's a recognition that in an alternative universe things may have turned out differently. But neither of us are interested in turning back the clock. Life and love has turned out happily for both of us. It is probably only through the blurring curtains of time that we would appear to be compatible, the reality is that if we couldn't keep it together the first time around the doubtless the same factors would reappear to prevent it working out a second time.There's a wonderful Beatles lyric from In My Life that describes a man's feelings towards former loves. I find it captures my feelings well:Though I know I'll never lose affectionFor people and things that went beforeI know I'll often stop and think about themIn my life I love you moreI certainly don't dwell on her, it's more a pleasant memory once in a while. I think I've only rung her once in my later life (her kids left something at a picnic, which ours picked up, the call was slightly awkward due to the possibility of misinterpretation by others). If she were desperate and needed a favour, then I think I'd owe her that, but only if it were OK with my partner.She friended me on Facebook, I told my partner of the invite and she said accepting was fine. We don't chat or wall. I don't obsess about what she is doing, but I do find it nice to know she is doing well (ie, her relationship with me didn't stuff up her life).If we were to both find ourselves without a partner (god forbid) then I doubt I'd be seriously interested, but there would be some curiosity. If she felt the same then we might have sex once or twice "for old times sake" before we both looked further afield.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionC.Grant:Then do you still contact with her?
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (5 March 2011):
I would never be able to forget about that girl....If you are the first girl for some guy, do not worry: you will always remain in his memories and he will remember and cherish your time together even decades after :)
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A
male
reader, Mr Clark +, writes (5 March 2011):
I had many mad crushes on girls when I was in my teens, but none of those are anything other than a reminder of how immature I was at that age. My first real love is very important in some ways. I will always be grateful to her for understanding me completely, and making me feel loved and accepted in a deep way that healed many insecurities that had lingered into adulthood. After 20 years, I stay in touch with her by email, but I keep it to a minimum because I would not want to cause problems for her in her marriage.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (5 March 2011):
It's been a little over 30 years, and I remember her well.
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