A
female
age
36-40,
*icole aye
writes:Hi everybody. Please advise me. I really need it. I'm afraid my future husband and I will be breaking apart. We have been together for 3.5 years. The first year went pretty good we had a bit of fight but not too big of a deal. But the past three months I felt so stressed out and drepressed. He doesn't keep all the agreements that we have anymore. I don't eat pork because of my religion, so he agreed not to eat it. But he told me last week he wants to be who he is and he can't be doing what we agree anymore. I quit smoking for him and I try to change everything for him. But why can't he do the same thing? Every little thing we fight about he tells me he wants to leave me. He never said that before. He also tells me men have limits. I work 60 hrs a week, 12 hrs a day 5 days a week. Sometimes I can't even clean the house or cook. He also work 60 hrs like me. We work together but different shifts. He told me he doesn't like a woman who does not clean the house or takes care of him. When he gets a day off I cook sometimea for him. He doesn't even get up and go get his own drink. I have to get up and get it for him. I feel like a slave sometimes because I'm very tired at work and when I get home I have to do all the things he says. He told me if I listen to him, and do as he says, we're not going fight anymore and I'll be happy. I'm so stressed out and depressed about this relationship. I don't know how I'm going to marry him next year. If he's eating pork and picks a fight. It's driving me crazy. I was a very happy person before, but not anymore. I don't have any friends anymore because of him. He doesn't want me to have friends, I don't have anyone to talk to. I thought about to leaving him but I love him too much and I just can't leave him. I don't like this feeling of loneliness. What can I do to make this relationship better? Please help me! Thank you so muchl
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 March 2011):
The problem is him. And you can't make 'him' any better. You just can't. He has made it clear that he's not prepared to change for you, he's making it clear that he sees you as someone who'll run around after him.
You say you can't leave him. I'm saying that you have no alternative if you wish to live a life with someone who respects you. Countless women just like yourself have asked the question 'how do I make him/this better' - and the answer is you can't. A man will change for his own reasons. Sometimes he will make changes for a woman. Your boyfriend won't. The reason? He doesn't really love or respect you. He just wants to control you and have you slaving over him. And the worst thing is you seem to have little self respect, and would rather accept being treated like crap, than move on.
If you don't move on, you'll just have to accept this treatment, because he isn't going to change for you, and he has said he won't change.
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