A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hope you can help meI had been seeing a married man i to am married we worked together thats how it started.We were seeing each other for 5 mths he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and even said he would leave his wife they have been married 20 yrs he is 20 yrs older than me,i belived what he was telling me, his wife found out bout us and also that he had other affairs i did nt know any of this his wife told him to leave but he wanted to stay with her. She came to my home and spoke to me and asked me things which i confirmed what she already knew i thought he would come to me but he wont return any of my texts and said we are over how can he do this to me after saying all he did and how he wanted to leave his wife.She treats him horrible now since she found out of his affairs but he still wants to be with her why?she s told him she only there cos nowhere else to go and if he wants to leave go but he wont.I have tried to get on with my h/b but all i see is my m/m and i so much want to be with him but he has taken redundancy and has now left.He says he loves his wife and what he did he s so sorry for the pain he s caused her and he is lucky that she has stayed and he will never cheat on her again i keep trying to see him and he looks so happy just like when we were together how can i win him back ? How can he love her if he was cheating with me. I am still married but think every day of my lost love please help
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 The thing here is that he left you the minute he got caught and called you his mistake. Most married man don't leave thier wifes for thier mistress and when they do leaved this happens in the begining of the relationship.
He has chosen and he choice his wife and you are wondering why, because he loves his wife more than you. He only used you for the sex. You were only a thrill, some relationship get stale and when it does some people will creep.
You should know how this work because you too are married and still with your husband, even thought you had a lover on the side. I think you should really think on what you want.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I am married. I have a boyfriend. I love both my husband and my boyfriend. I do not want to hurt either of them.
In a perfect world I could have both. but it's not a perfect world. Boyfriend accepts the limitations of our relationship. I would NOT leave my husband for my boyfriend.
IF my marriage ends for other reasons I can see being with the boyfriend.... and he knows this too...
it's easy for some folks to love more than one...
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Because my dear, it is very very easy to lie. Its easy to say 'I love you', its easy to pretend just to get some sex. Sex drives men, if that means he has to lie, he will.
In the end, he loves his wife more than he potentially loved you. He has a lifetime of history built with her and that brings him comfort. He loves her and respects her. She has always been loyal to him. You on the other hand, cheated on your husband, you're not a trust worthy woman. He respects his wife greatly more.
Further, remember, if he leaves his wife, it will cost him. A divorce is messy and very expensive. Potentially he could lose half his worth. No one wants to do that when they are past mid life.
Another point, the taboo of divorce. Everyone in his inner circle would find out why they're divorcing. He would look like the bad guy. No one wants that.
He wants to maintain his integrity, social standing and net worth while staying with his wife who he truly respects and loves.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 March 2011):
He could easily still love her. I'm afraid like a million other mistresses before you, you've mistaken the advances of a man who just wants sex as something more. There was never anything there, and the fact he has had other affairs proves that. In fact, you should probably get checked in case he's given you something.
Bottom line, no married man really gives a damn about his mistress. All he wanted from you, and the others, was a quick thrill.
I would not try to win him back. You won't. He's with his wife until he finds another mistress.
Also, isn't it time you thought about either divorcing your husband or sorting your marriage out at least? Because if this comes out, you'll wind up with no one and nothing in the world.
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