A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello everyone. I had a chat with my fiance the other evening. I was concerned about our lack of sexual activities. I asked why she never gives oral no hand jobs without asking. And very little sex. When we do have sex i do all for her oral and hands so she has cum before penetration. So her answer to this was i dont have to anymore. Is this because sex was a bait to get me into the relationship. Does she not understand i have needs. I never push for sex. As it stands no form me sex since the end of july. She also says sex for her now is only for reproduction. I am at aloss as what to do. We are due to be married. And dont know weather i can deal with a life with no sex. I cant leave as our son is the world to me. Please help
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male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 Mate I've met girls like that before, sometimes it takes a cold shower to wake them up out of their little dream worlds and bring them back to reality.Go the hard line and tell her you are not prepaired to reproduce without a normal sex life! and WITHOUT EXCEPTION!NO SEX LIFE then NO KIDS!That'll wake her up!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 September 2011):
I'll keep it short, since it's mostly been covered by the other posts:
Do not marry this woman. She isn't satisfying your needs, and her beliefs are entirely different to yours. This will only end in divorce, and pain for you (probably more than her from what I'm reading)
You are two entirely different people.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Put the wedding on hold. She is looking for security, not a marriage.
If you go forward with the marriage you are in for a painful existance. No sex and no affection unless she is ok with having another baby? Sex would be nothing less than a job instead of a fun, loving and exciting experience between the two of you.
You are WAY too young to subject yourself to a sexless existance. You found out your gf's perspective prior to marriage and thank goodness. Now you can make a decision because you know deep down you would be unhappily married with no sex. You would eventually feel the draw to get your sexual and emotionally intimate fullfillment elsewhere?
NOT getting married does not mean you are leaving your son. You still have legal rights to your parenting. Find out what they are and how to secure those rights for visitation and how to financially provide for him.
Her response that "she does not have to" give sexual affection is quite telling that she may have used sexual favors to draw you into her life. She pulled a "bait and switch" maneuver on you.
Marriage is supposed to benefit TWO people. It sounds like the only one who benefits from the legal paperwork..is her.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 September 2011):
 So what you're basically saying is that you cant leave, therefore you are going to subject yourself to a life without sex, a terrible marriage and a lifetime of unhappiness...all in the name of your son?
I tell you this now - he is going to be a far happier, balanced child if mum and dad are both happy and not living in a sexless marriage where dad has to cheat to get any sex. Yes staying together for the child is important and if you can make it work then great. But you cannot sacrifice your own happiness because it does impact your child - if they see dad unhappy, and see that your marriage isnt working it really will affect him and give him a bad model for what a marriage should be.
What you need to do is sit down with your fiancee and have one final talk about sex. You need to tell her that quite simply you are not willing to live the rest of your life without sex and that if you cannot resolve the situation then the wedding is off and you are leaving. She is being totally unfair and unreasonable, and you need to make her understand how serious this issue is for you. I bet at the moment she just thinks you are just horny and will get over it, and you are right, she doesnt understand your needs. So you have to be the one to tell her what your needs are, and to explain that you cannot be in this relationship if things continue as they are. A lot of the time women who have a low libido or dont have an interest in sex dont realise how serious it is to their partner and dont understand the impact the lack of sex could have (i.e. causing a break up).
But fundamentally, it sounds like you both have very different sex drives and that will be almost impossible to overcome. You enjoy sex, want frequent sex and enjoy the foreplay elements to sex (oral, handjobs etc). Whereas she on the other hand only sees sex as a neccesity, she doesnt desire to have sex, and she would be happy only having sex when you are trying for a child.
You cannot have a happy marriage when the two partners have such different sex drives - you will be left feeling unsatisfied, unloved, unattractive and frustrated. You need to address this issue NOW with your fiancee and if she still refuses to try and make an effort with your sex life then you have to be prepared to leave.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): I must say right up front here that being on the same page about sex is of major importance to a married couple. Both people need to be on board with how frequently, how adventurous, etc. Sex is more than just about pleasure but about the ultimate intimacy and love shared between two people. It not only can create children, but it is a bond of trust and comfort between a couple, (which is why people get so upset about cheating, I think, because you break that sacred trust.)
This part of the relationship is just as important and any other major agreement such as "should we have kids," or "how do we handle finances," you know, those big guns that can ruin a relationship or make one partner resent the other.
You need to sit down with her and seriously discuss this issue and what you're feeling. Not getting what you need will eventually drive you down other avenues and if she doesn't agree with sex together, I doubt she will be pleased to discover porn on the computer or worse. Marriage is a contract that must be upheld and re-affirmed everyday, it is hard work, but it is very rewarding if you are with the right person. Don't just jump into it. This is a very serious issue.
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