A
female
age
41-50,
*enieMil
writes:I am in a relationship that is going nowhere. My partner, though a good father to our child is a non violent alcoholic whom is emotionally abusive. Though I love him, I don't believe I am in love with him anymore. A few months back I met a man whom I believe may be my soul mate. He has a child my Childs age hence we only meet up and talk at our kids games. Problem is he has a live in girlfriend whom I met and he talks about frequently. However I think he's interested in me through his body language (he stares deeply into my eyes) and comments he makes to me. He always waits and talks w me during each game and when I'm not there one week asks where I was. Am I living in a fantasy world or should I make a move on this guy? I don't want to be a home wrecker (he just met his girlfriend a year or two ago after his nasty divorce with his sons mom) but I really feel that he could be the one. Aside the sexual attraction. We have so much in common. His girlfriend is really nice and I don't want her to get hurt in this either. Please advise.
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alcoholic, divorce, emotionally abusive, move on, soulmate, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Your child is important, but don't lose sight of your own wants and needs. You deserve to be happy too.
In any event...you're very welcome and best of luck.
A
female
reader, GenieMil +, writes (12 September 2011):
GenieMil is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Again. I have decided not to pursue this "fantasy.". Actualy now that games are through for the season I probably won't even see him anymore. Shame though. I really feel that he could have been the one. Although I felt that about my partner at one time too. Oh well I am going to focus on my child as that is the most important priority in my world anyways. Thanks to everyone that responded.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Hi,I am glad that you are fully aware of your situation, and is also considering his girlfriends feelings. So far, so good. If you feel you both have a connection, you should talk to him before you make any decision. Honesty is the best way. Ask him how he feels about you? Ask him about his relationship with his girlfriend? Also, now this has happen, revalue your own relationship. You said you love your partner, but you are not in love with him anymore? You should also have a talk with your boyfriend. Bottom line is, we all need to be happy in our relationship. Rather you start something new with this "new man", it's not fair for anybody go continue being in a relationship that has no future. We all want to be happy, have a healthy relationship. The whole purpose to be with someone is to build a future and life together. I hope you find your answers, and I hope you make the right decision the right way. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2011):
 You are looking for an easy way out of your unhappiness. Having an affair with a married man is not the solution.
Think.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 September 2011):
You're in fantasy land on this one, I'm afraid. Currently, you see life like this:
You are in a deeply unhappy relationship that is abusive. You're not getting what you want from it, you're becoming lost in it and you're losing hope. This guy who you met is like an angel to you - he's there, he listens, you have so much in common, you have kids the same age. You think that there are signs that he likes you, he asks about you and such. This guy could be your soul mate, your rescuer in life, your everything.
Of course, the reality is different.
Yes, you're in an unhappy relationship. The problem is that is causing you to make bad judgements based upon nothing. In actual fact, you don't really know anything about this new man - except that he has a child by a 'nasty ex' (you only have his word for that), and that he already has a girlfriend. He hasn't made any real signs at all - you've just seen what you've wanted to because he represents a way out of your relationship.
The truth is this - you're unhappy and you need to end your old relationship whatever happens. But you can't really make a move for this other guy, because one of two things will happen. You'll either find out he doesn't like you that way and be heartbroken, or he'll dump her for you and you'll be seen as a homewrecker and it will call his own character into question.
The focus for you must be ending your current relationship so that you can build your own life up. That way, when the right guy does actually come along, you'll be able to trust your judgement. Right now, your unhappiness is causing you to see things that simply aren't there. That's a cry for help, not a cry for love.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (8 September 2011):
As I see it, one man isn't any better for you than the other. They've both made commitments elsewhere and are unavailable to you. Your husband to booze. Your friend to his girlfriend.
It isn't your place to determine the strength or validity of your friend's relationship or his girlfriend's value to him. And it really doesn't matter whether she's nice or nasty, friend or foe. Your pleasure should not come at the expense of someone else's happiness. It would damage you both and you'd be no better than your husband (you'd just have different vices).
If the problems in your marriage are such that improvement is unlikely, then put an end to it once and for all. Give yourself some time to regroup and sort out unfinished business.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): What are you going to do about your current partner?That is where you need to start.Going from one bad relationship, to another where there is an "attached" partner is just like jumping from one fire into another.Sure, you'd like him to be your fantasy man who will not only be nice to you, but love you deeply, give you mind blowing orgasms, and provide all the emotional support that you could ever imagine.But, reality is, he is attached, flirting with you despite being attached to someone else, had a nasty divorce (that I'm sure he had no fault in), and has a live in girlfriend, and he knows you are in a relationship but still flirts with you.Is that what you want?Sounds like you probably met a guy who knows you are lonely and vulnerable and who is looking to get his rocks off with you in addition to the really nice girl he lives with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): Be careful. Make sure you are not mireading any signs. As you are unhappy in your relationship, you are open to this friendship developing. But he may just be very friendly and genuinely your company. I would not make a move on him. Wait and see if he makes a move himself. Then you will have to judge the situation and see if it is worth the pain that it may well cause.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): yes you should make a move on this guy
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