A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 5 years. Lots of difficulties have came from his ex wife, daughter, his mother and his mother's friend. I have struggled to understand why. I can see clearly now that these 4 women have had him at their beck and call, financially, for diy, for being a taxi to them and general dogsbody. They have literally "taken his balls away". I like none of this and not because I want him for a dogsbody but because I want to have a future with him. I have talked to him about this but he won't do anything about it. He is scared of speaking up to any of them. He sees that by doing what they expect of him gives him an easy life. I have not been accepted by these 4 women either because I think they see me as a threat to their control over him. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This guy is weak and always will be move on and find yourself a man with backbone so to speak
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Blimey what a situation he's in, bet you feel like emigrating.
He's clearly easy going, anything for a quiet life and as he's been doing all this for the 5 years you've been together I can't see it changing without drastic action.
I can understand him wanting to help his daughter and to some extent his mum, but he owes his ex and mothers friend nothing surely.
Can't you start there, say you feel that he should be there for you and your future more, that you understand about the daughter and mum up to a point, but not how he is with his ex etc. Try and get him to start saying no to the 2 non relatives , at least it's a begining.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 September 2011):
You can do precisely nothing. You can't make him change, you can't make them change.
What you have to do is decide whether you want to be with this man as he is, or whether you would be better moving on. I think sometimes women see the potential in a man, rather than see him for what he actually is. I've no doubt that he's a nice guy, and that you want a future with him. But, this is who he is. He's a man who is owned by several other women. And nothing will change that.
So, in the end, I think it comes down to you accepting who he is and accepting that these women will have parts in his life. Or, you choose to move on to a man who has greater independence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): I didn't really have advice for this, but remember his daughter is his daughter. Every parent will choose their kids over their significant other.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (5 September 2011):
 Hi,
Sorry that you have to deal with your boyfriends problems. It's not fair to you, because it's not your fault and you never have done anything to these 4 women. Unfortunately, this is how your boyfriend is as a person, that's what he's to these women, and honestly after 5 years dealing with the same issues I don't think your boyfriend will change.
These women will be part of his life forever, there's nothing that can change that. The only way to make things better for you and your boyfriend is to take control over the situation. Meaning, he needs to have a talk to these women, let them know that he will be responsible for his part, but they need to learn how to be more independent, and not expect your boyfriend to do everything for them. Really? These women don't have their own husbands to do things for them? Don't they have other friends or family members that can help them?
I really feel bad for you and your boyfriend. Besides, all the favors they demand from him, you said financially? That's too much, you and your boyfriend need to save money for your own life and future. Its really too much, not fair and these women not only are affecting your relationship, but destroying your boyfriend.
Yes, my dear you have all the right to feel the way you are feeling. Helping family is ok, I also do help my family, but there's limit. I hope that you can solve this problem with your boyfriend.
Good luck to you!
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