A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had been seeing this guy for about 5 months and was having a good time however one of my exs got back in contact with me. He phoned a few times and we flirted back and forth and recounted old memories. It made me realise how much i missed him and my ex kept saying i should leave this new guy. I tried to put him out my mind however i had a big fight with the guy i was seeing and we split though once i told my ex he completely changed said he didnt want to get back together with me and wants me to stop contacting him now. i am so confused with the change in signals and now i find i want to contact him even more. now that i am by myself also i am really missing the guy i was seeing but dont know if this is just because i am alone now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 This is a classic one. A man wants what he can not have. I've had it happen to me too, so I know how you feel. And your ex wasn't nice to do this to you. Your ex doesn't know himself, and with this experience you are wise to avoid him in the future, even if he comes to you on his knees... unless you are very much single and available at the time.
He flirted with you and wanted you because he didn't want someone else to have you! But he doesn't want you himself, he never did. He just didn't want anyone else to have you. Next time you meet someone, and he finds out, he'll play the same trick on you, stir up old emotions and make you leave the new guy, only to ditch you again.
I once ended it with a man because my ex kept interfering. My ex sent me love poems, called me all the time, gave me a valentines gift, and wanted to be close, talked about having me back and how we had a lovely relationship and he missed me etc. etc.
Then I ended it with the guy (first and last time I will ever leave one man for another), and me and my ex had a fling. I wouldn't even call it a relationship. We pretty much realized there wasn't anything left and it died on it's own without any need for announcing it. My ex drifted away again.
Then I met a new man! And what do you think my ex did? He started following me again, talking sweet words, how he misses me, how he wants to be close. It came to a point that I had to tell my ex to never talk to me again, because he didn't understand where the line went. He couldn't stay platonic friends, because each time a new man arrived he felt ownership over me. But with no man around he was just a friend and nothing more.
Your ex never wanted you. Once you realize that it all starts to make sense. Avoid your ex and don't leave one man for another again.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 September 2011):
I'm afraid this is the price of going back to the past. It nearly never works out. This ex was never interested in you as a person, or getting back with you. He merely wanted to destroy what you had.
Also, I am simply not convinced that this newer guy was the one for you at all. If he had been, you'd never have given your ex a second thought, and you'd have worked through that argument rather than ending it. You're absolutely right that the only reason you think of him is that you're now alone.
I think you need to leave both these guys in the past. Neither was really suitable, and all that has happened is that two people (you and the newer guy) got hurt.
You may be alone, but that's the best thing for you at the moment. You've learnt that an ex should always be an ex, and you've learnt that you need to be more careful in who you pick as a boyfriend later on in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Sadly you have just learnt a hard lesson. These Exs are a pain, they can't stand seeing you happy and moved on from them. Usually it's when they have nobody special around. It gives them a feeling of power over you if they can make an impression - they get a kick out of getting you to want them and not the new man.
Once they have proved to themselves they can do it, thats it, job over... leaving you or me or whoever, single again and wondering what the hells going on.
So in future leave the Ex where he is- in the past
xx
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