A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost five months. Things have been going generally fine, but he appears to have an issue with showing affection and care via text message. When something comes up, or if he has done something during the day, he would tell a little part of it, even though he has no issue with telling me after I prompt with questions. The issue I have is that I feel unloved and uncared for as I don't understand why he needs my questions in order to help him open up to me. We talked it over and he says that it is because of his past, where he often got knocked down so he gets defensive instinctively. Does his reasoning make sense and am I being really petty? Also, I am meant to be seeing him in a few days but I am currently not in the mood for it, even though I miss him. I don't want this to hinder our relationship as we love each other, but this is not good. Please help.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Yes , it's a good reason. Another good reason , if you ask me , is that yours is a non issue : " a issue with showing care and affection via text message ". Believe it or not, there are tons of people that do not use text to wax lyrical, but just to say " Pick you up at 7. " Pls. pay the drycleaner".
That's who he is, this is his personality and communication style - let him be. As long of course he is not being secretive or hiding from you important facts or telling you lies- but if he is the type that does not feel the need for having to tell you all the most mundane, irrelevant details of his daily life.... well, this , again believe it or not, used to be very normal before Facebook made each and any of us into a public figure:)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 September 2011):
To be honest, I think he gave a very good reason as to why he struggles to open up. This has precisely nothing to do with you not being loved or cared for. That's a totally separate issue to what he's going through. Sometimes, I think women expect men to just be able to open up and talk. But I don't think those same women understand that it's actually exceptionally difficult to open up - especially here in Britain where we men are trained NOT to open up virtually all the time. Add that to the fact that he has clearly been through a rough time before, and you can see why your boyfriend might need a bit of prompting.
Also, you've only been going out for 5 months - that's not long and you can't expect someone to open up that quickly.
I think you don't give this man enough credit. First of all, he feels confident enough that he can at least start a conversation about how he feels. That means he trusts you enough, that means he cares for you enough. Secondly, he and you actually sat down and talked about this - and he gave a reason for him being like this. Again, he'd never have done that if he didn't care.
I'm actually more concerned that he's not the guy for you. I'm not sure what you expect from a man in your life, but from what you're saying, it's starting to get a bit old and you don't seem to be getting what you want. I don't see fro what you've written that he's doing anything wrong. I certainly don't see that he doesn't care or love you - quite the opposite.
What I do see is that you seem to be picking out problems, which is a bad sign. He opens up as far as he can, but it's not enough for you. You had a talk about it and he gave a very good reason for his way of communicating, but it's not enough for you. You say you miss him, but you're not in the mood to see him in a few days.
Are you sure you actually want to be with this guy? You seem to be trying to find ways to either change him into another person, or to give you an excuse to end it. I don't see anything wrong with him - but I wonder whether you actually want to be with him as he is or not.
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