A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out my bf for 5 months now and he has started to say he loves me n getting quite clingy. He is very paranoid about me talking to other guys or when I'm away out and we have had a couple of fights about it already. I am on the fence about ending it with him. I do really care for him but I am fed up with the paranoia. He says he will try to stop but I don't think it will work. what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): He's using guilt and fear to manipulate you into staying with him, just as he has used suspicion and accusations to control you before.If you aren't happy with the decision to stay, then don't stay. You'll have to be direct and decisive with him. And don't soften the blow by accepting any of the responsibility for this. This is because of HIM so make sure he knows it.It may sound heartless but if he senses any guilt or hesitation in you he'll drag it out and haggle and push until you finally give in. Besides, if he was really that worried about losing you he would never have let it come to this. He never had any intention of changing. He was only buying more time. Well time's up.You don't 'owe it' to him or anyone else to stay in a relationship that brings you no happiness and anyone who asks you to is definitely not interested in your well being.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (3 September 2011):
 No you can't let him down easy and he's manipulating you into feeling like you must stay with all these comments like I'll die without you etc. Don't stay if you don't feel right about it and definately don't stay if it's just because you feel sorry for him. He needs to stand on his own two feet! There is never an easy way to break up it's best to treat it like a plaster (bandaid) rip it off quick and it's never as painful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): I am the writer of this question.
I talked it over with him n decided to give it another shot though I don't think I'm to happy with the decision. I don't think he will change. Is there anyway I can let him down easily? He said it himself if I break up with him it will rip him apart but I can't stay if I'm not happy
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 September 2011):
I totally agree with Moo's Mum's post.
Paranoia is a very bad sign in a man (or woman). When a guy is acting this way after just 5 months, you need to listen to those alarm bells and make a run for it. The paranoia won't go away without serious help, and the only way for him to get serious help is for him to be alone.
At 5 months, you shouldn't be arguing this much either.
I would suggest ending it and finding someone who is secure in themselves.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (2 September 2011):
Paranoia always sets off warning bells in my head. Paraniod guys often end up being abusers.
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