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What are my options for the future, in view of how he speaks to me and lies to me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Faded love, Family, Online dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 September 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 September 2011)
A female Australia age 51-59, *ooty70 writes:

I have been trying for the past 2 years to cope with the knowledge that my husband had been deceiving me for 5 years by joining internet dating sites and cheating on me.

My dilemma this time is the other night he was telling me that we dont take our children to enough exciting places. I told him that there was a festival coming up that we had planned to take them to. I said that every weekend he is always busy doing work around the house or planning to, eg clean the driveway, build a fence etc. I said he has 3 willing participants (me and children) to do things every weekend but we are always stuck here because of his around the home jobs.

His response was "you are full of shit". He called me a liar and said that it was b^^s^^^, the things I had said. He said he was always willing to do things on weekends if someone would suggest something. He got very aggressive and defensive.

He had been drinking a bottle of red wine, bourbon and beer before he said that.

This is not the first time I have been told "I am full of s^^^^". Last time he said it was about a year ago when I asked him about a woman I caught him looking at and he denied it.

What do others think about him saying this to me?

View related questions: liar

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2011):

I think the best thing to do is walk away from him. He's just a dreadful man really.

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A female reader, Sooty70 Australia +, writes (5 September 2011):

Sooty70 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thankyou CaringGuy for your reply. I appreciate someone-elses opinion on how I have been treated and spoken to because I dont think it is something I can put up with and I so wonder what others would think of this.

I am expected to sweep the cheating and deceit under the carpet and now just put up with the verbal abuse.

Thank you for the one and only answer, and yes I feel as though I have taken far too much from him. I dont think he likes me and is just putting up with this marriage so de doesnt lose his house or children.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2011):

I think it says three things:

1 - That you are very low on confidence.

2 - That he is a pretty vile man.

3 - That he has a problem with alcohol.

I think the time has come for you to face facts here, sadly. And you might not like them. For the past two years, you've been trying to cope knowing your husband has been a liar and cheat for 5 years. So what you're saying is that for 7 years, you've been in a pretty unhappy and even fake marriage.

You've actually taken far, far too much from this man.

He has gotten away with cheating, drinking and emotionally and verbally abusing you. I'd say it's very clear that he doesn't care for you or even himself.

You have got to make a break for it, not just for your sake, but for your kids' sakes. You really don't want them to become disturbed because they hear your their father abusing their mother like this. It's a truly horrific experience for everyone.

He has lied, he has cheated, he verbally abuses you, he doesn't seem bothered about his kids, he drinks - you give me a good reason to say, because I don't see one at all.

Break free from this vile man.

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