A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In a few weeks time I am due to go and stay at my husbands parents house, they are a muslim family. I have not met them before only spoken to them by phone and skype. His mother seems to be boss and interfering and has already made som comments that have put me totally of going there. . In fact I really dont want to go there at all, I sense she is jealous and I really cannot stand being around people like that even if she is my husbands mother. I would be going to a middle east muslim country and I know I will be very unhappy and want to go hhome straightaway. Im just worried about what my husband may say ax he is abit controlling. But to be honest im quite prepared to put my marriage on the line to stand my ground. thats how sick of his family I am.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 It depends from which Muslim country you are going to, and if you are 100% sure that you could go back , even on your own, without your husband, if you decided you had enough . If it is a country under the shari'ah ( Islamic law )- don't go. You would not be allowed to leave the country, you could not go anywhere, even outside the house, if your husband does not agree. You could not leave him, you could not divorce him, unless with his agreement under the local laws ( very punitive for you ).
I have a vague recollection of a poster from a Northern European country with an Iraqi husband who also had visa problems and was obliged to leave,. The husband said " we'll go there for a while, then we'll come back .... "
If you are the same person, you have already been told, advised, suggested, BEGGED to NOT go. If your husband changes his mind and wants to turn it from a short vacation to an extended / permanent stay ( it would not be the first time these thngs happen ! ) then you are stuck,probably not vene your Embassy will be able to help you. If he CAN'T , because of legal status, go back to your country, and does not want you to leave alone, - you won't leave. If you are that poster, - you'd be an utter fool to place yourself in this kind of position.
If you are not she, check, double check, triple check, what would be your rights under the local laws - providing that cvl, not only religious laws, are applied. make sure you will be able to keep your passport and your money woth you ( ON you ) at all times.
And then again, if you have these misgivings, why even going. Best case scenario, the situation is potentially rife for unpleasantness, like the risk of you giving offense to hs family, of making him loose face in front of his relatives, of putting him on the spot and forcing him to take sides between you and his mother - these are sensitive issues always, and in a Muslim society, ouch.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 I understand not liking the in laws. But with marriage comes the in laws. It's a package deal. And more often than not, the relationship with them is not a pleasant one.
I get it that you may feel out of place in a middle eastern Muslim country, but this is your husband's background. Its a learning experience into seeing how he grew up and what he was raised with. He may not practice their customs now or have adopted their lifestyle (I'm assuming he didn't), but you can use the opportunity to broaden your view of the world and see how other cultures live and learn their norms. It may be outside of your comfort zone, but it's certainly educational.
My gf's mother is Saudi Arabian. If I had the opportunity to go to the middle east and see how she was raised and learn about her customs, I'd love it. I can't, because gay relationships are certainly not okay over there. But point being that I would be way out of my element, but it's something to learn from. And I'd love the experience of getting to see what her childhood was like.
If I were you, I would try and humor him and his family. He can't change his parents. Refusing to go, or going and having a terrible time will only make his family dislike you even more. Why do that? This is your opportunity to go and meet them firsthand, not through Skype. You never know, you may wind up lovokg his family and his culture. Or youay not. But either way, you're being a good sport and a good wife and being supportive. Just my two cents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): First, I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time, but I want to say that his family isn't bad because of their religion. If they are unkind to you, it's because of who they are, not because they are Muslims. Tell your husband all your concerns. Try and talk to the mother in law on the phone, or any of your sister in laws. If he doesn't listen or still seem controlling, then tell him it's come to the point of you choosing between staying with him or leaving.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): Stand your ground if you must. However; you seem to see everything in after-thought.
Exactly what were you expecting when you married into a Muslim family, and had not yet met his mother in-person?
Have you converted to Islam? Did you promise you would, and you've changed your mind? Is that what this is really about? You don't want to convert and he is pressuring you to. He is taking you back to his country where you'll have no choice.
Suddenly you realize after marriage he is "a bit controlling" and his mother is bossy and interfering.
What did you notice about your boyfriend and his family from the time you dated, to the end of your engagement? Did you have an Islamic wedding ceremony?
Why don't you be honest with yourself, and admit you thought things would be different. You thought you could change HIM! Now you regret marrying the man.
What should you do? Convert to Islam, or get a divorce.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 July 2014):
I think if you feel that strongly, you shouldn't go and you should tell your husband why. At the very least, you owe him an explanation as to why you won't go.
More worrying, however, is that you think he's controlling. That;s not a good sign.
Perhaps you need to look at this marriage. Are you sure this is what you want? You don't seem happy with him at all really, and I wonder if you're looking for an exit.
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