A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was a few months away from getting married when I found out my now ex had been cheating on me with a mutual friend. She was going out with a friend of mine, and my ex and this guy were like brothers. Basically it all came out when her boyfriend found some messages from my ex arranging to meet up. He told me straight away and we both ended the relationships.It took a while but I'm slowly getting back into going out and having fun. We share a 4 year old so I do have to see my ex most weekends. I thought I was over it then my ex asked if there was anything he could do to make me forgive him and give him another chance. I laughed it off because I couldn't believe that he would ask me this. But he was serious and told me to take as long as I need to think it over. The only thing that ever went wrong in our relationship was his fling with this girl. We had a great relationship before. We were getting married, talking about having another child, and he loves our daughter. I sometimes feel bad when she asks where's daddy and when is he coming back to live here.Part of me thinks maybe I should give it another try purely because it's unfair to my daughter to miss out on having her daddy around but then I feel really selfish for thinking why should I put up with a liar just so my daughter is happy. I feel like I'm being ripped apart. I want what's best for her, and for myself. I couldn't care less about what he wants because he put himself in this position.
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female
reader, Miss Lou  +, writes (7 November 2014):
I'm so sorry you are going through this. That sounds like such a hard place to be. I think it sounds like part of you would love to have an intact two parent family and you hear him asking for another chance. As a general rule, once someone has broken your trust on that level, it may not ever be wise to trust them again. It shows that he has a lack of self control and a morality that is flexible according to his lust. There are people who make a mistake once and then change. It is possible. What is your gut telling you? What do you really want?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): No don't give him another try, he doesn't deserve it, he can be a good dad but he doesn't have to be ina relationship with you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): No don't feel guilty. His choices and actions got you all where you are today. You chose to respond to his choices and actions with grace and self respect. Those are qualities your daughter will admire in you.
Besides he cheated when you were happy so no amount of happiness makes him faithful.
It is what it is now. Try to make a happy home with your daughter. Who knows, maybe some day you'll meet someone deserving of you. In the meanwhile, Daddy can carry on being a father.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2014):
 He can be a dad even if you two aren't a couple. Sounds like he needs to step that up and/or you need to allow him more time with his daughter.
You sound like you have a lot of anger about his actions and that would need to be addressed before any kind of reconciliation would be possible.
How long ago was the cheating and breakup?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 November 2014):
Nowhere in your post do you mention that you want to get back with him for your own sake. You would only be doing this for the sake of your daughter, and that isn't a good enough reason to go back to someone.
You are doing what si right for your daughter, and yourself. You're showing her (though she doesn't know it yet) that you don't have to stay with someone for the sake of it. You're showing her you're strong, and you're independent and can make your own decisions. You're also doing the right thing by ensuring that there is contact etc.
If you'd said that you still loved him, maybe that would have been different. You haven't said that. Instead, alk you've said is that this would be for your daughter (it's not even for his sake) and that's not healthy.
And, let's face it, he cheated with a friend of yours. So that's not any good either.
My advice is that unless you are doing this for your sake, and you want to be with this man and will let his cheating go, you're best off not going back.
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