A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. On Sunday I was talking to a guy on Grindr, we were really getting on well, albeit for the short time we were talking, and he definitely my type, and its nice to speak to a guy my own age on there. After a while he went offline, and stayed that way for the next three days. I'd sent him a "Hi how are you?" message but he never replied when he came back online so I sent him another message "First off sorry for messaging you so much on here (I'm not usually such a stalker). I'm thinking that you're not on here that much... (Either that or you're ignoring me). If its not the latter, I was just wondering if you'd maybe like to meet up for a drink sometime? It I'm not your type or you don't want to our anything that's cool, can't blame a guy for trying... Sorry again!". But he hasn't replied again... Do I just leave it now and assume he's not interested, or wait a few days? I've never asked a guy out before so could do with some help. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 September 2014):
 And yet another great reason for face-to-face encounters rather than electronic gamesmanship. he probably won't e-answer so move along to the next gathering of words on computer
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2014): You've already put yourself out there. He hasn't replied, because he's probably already meeting or seeing other people. Making his rounds with you somewhere on the list.
After-all, it's Grindr! He's getting hits on a daily basis, and you never know what people are thinking; or if they're putting on an act. You don't want to give him the impression that you're desperate. He may not check his messages that frequently on the site; but a couple of messages should suffice. Some conceited guys play along just for the attention, then write you off as pathetic after playing you along. So watch out!
Don't wait around for his response. You've never met him.
Being too eager sends the wrong message.
You have to prepare yourself psychologically for gay online dating. People don't always have the best manners; so you don't want to find yourself always being the one who's sorry. You can't fall for every friendly chat-partner you hit it off with either. Guys can be charmers and players.
It's not a good practice to continuously message over and over, if someone doesn't respond. Don't use terminology like "stalker," in reference to yourself; or plant things in his mind that aren't there. Don't freak out if you do have a nice chat with someone; and don't ever hear from them again. It's a pretty good sign that they aren't as interested as you are, when days lapse after your message with no reply. You don't want to be flagged for violations; so no more messages for the time being.
Get used to having great conversations that go nowhere. Just realize he's receiving messages from a lot of different guys. You don't want to give him the impression you're going to get upset that he doesn't contact you. It gives him leverage, and he'll keep you on hold to stroke his ego. Play it cool.
If you message someone once, days go by, and no reply?
Move on. Dating on gay Grindr is not for oversensitive types.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 Don't EVER apologize THAT much when trying to get a guy to talk to you! Seriously!! YOU have NOTHING to apologize for. You two got on well chatting, and you wanted to see if he wants to continue and met up. NO NEED to apologize :) OK? Please? It makes you seem a bit of a attention "grabber" or slightly desperate.
Just be honest with them and DO not make ALL those ASSUMPTIONS...
"Either that or you're ignoring me"
"It I'm not your type or you don't ...."
Next time I would just send a note saying:" hey you want to met up for drinks give me a message back" (or text/call/whatnot).
Give him a week, if he doesn't get back to you, then he isn't interested. You put the BALL in his court, if he CHOOSES to NOT pick it up (hence the week) then move on.
Practise makes near perfect, so if he isn't it, don't get discouraged, talk to someone else, maybe try going out and socialize and met guys that way. I think apps like Grindr and whatever they are called are used by people who might be CURIOUS but really don't WANT to go further than the flirt/chat/fantasy. Where as if you met a guy "in person" and he is or isn't curious/interested he won't just ignore you, he will either say sure or turn you down.
Chin up, I think that guy was a proverbial toad.. Sometimes you got to kiss a few..
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (4 September 2014):
 You put the ball squarely in his court by asking about a meetup and a drink.
He didn't reply, so you can safely assume he's not interested.
Don't take it personally, though - for all you know he has a partner and is "just looking" online (not cool, but it happens) or is not actually out to friends and family in his offline life and therefore isn't comfortable with the idea of an in-person meetup.
Online dating is hit and miss so don't let this discourage you - keep looking and you're bound to meet someone who likes you back. Just don't let the search online close your eyes to the eligible bachelors you may meet in real everyday life!
Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 September 2014):
I would leave him. He knows that you've messaged, and if he he's not got back then he's probably not as interested as you are. Also, for future reference, don't apologise for messaging. It comes across as a little underconfidenent and that might have unnerved him a little. Just relax, message someone and if they don't bother getting back, leave it.
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