A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel pretty stupid writing to an agony aunt site but i feel like i have nobody i can talk to about how i'm feeling.There's a guy at work who i have a sort of "crush" on. I've been talk that he likes me, although he's never said it to me. Apparently he's just broken up with his girlfriend so i wasn't expecting him to ask me out but i feel a bit disappointed.The reason isn't because he hasn't asked me out it's because there's another girl at work who he apparently had a one night stand with and she still has his number so she's starting texting him. Now, this girl isn't exactly Ms Morals. She had an affair with another co-workers husband, got pregnant and now has a baby. She had the nerve to come back and work here though. I've been told she sleeps around quite a lot. She actually has a boyfriend at the moment yet she's acting like that. Anyway,what i'm having trouble understanding is why this guy i like would be texting with her and want anything to do with her.He and i talk at work and i got the impression he liked me. E.g. He smiles at me and someone said he's always looking at me when my back is turned. He's even been looking through my Facebook pictures (someone told me). I'm always polite to him etc, i dress modestly. I get called pretty quite often (not to sound full of myself) yet it seems like i'm doing something wrong. Someone at work let it slip that i liked him and his response was "i doubt she would she be interested in me".Do you think i should just forget it and not bother speaking to him anymore? It just makes me a bit fed up that this girl who is pretty vile personality wise and isn't even that attractive seems to have men attracted to her. I'm always hearing that men want women who respect themselves etc but that's not how it seems to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): OP here.
Would it be best to just forget the whole thing and avoid him from now on?
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 OP you don't know anything about this guy aside from the fact that he "seems nice". Maybe he's the kind who sleeps around with easy girls. How much do you even know about him?
You've written, "what i'm having trouble understanding is why this guy i like would be texting with her and want anything to do with her." OP these are two completely different things! Just because YOU like him doesn't mean that he's perfect and that he likes you back. Maybe he likes the sort of girls that are easy to bed. I agree with the others who said that you're looking at him through rose-tinted glasses because you seem to have a mental image of him but unfortunately the real him doesn't align with the mental image and that's why you're irritated.
What do you want him to do? Stop talking to her because you like him? And the reason why he doesnt believe that you like him is because he has a low opinion of himself and doesnt think that a girl like you can like him despite knowing of his past. Which brings me to my next point. Knowing what you do about him, about the one-night-stand girl, about the texting etc., do you still think you want to be with him? Are you sure you wont be jealous if you see her talking to him at work? Can you trust him fully, knowing that he talks to a girl like this despite knowing all about her? If your answer is YES despite all this, then go for it. Ask him out, see where it goes from there.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 Heh, well then, OP, I shouldn't be married, because I asked the guy out who eventually became my husband. He was so shy, his anxieties had their OWN anxieties when it came to girls! I doubt he would have asked me out had I not simply made the move.
The whole "if he likes you, he will ask you out" is antiquated along with the notion that girls shouldn't call guys, which, by the way, was a rule my parents tried to place on me as a teenager.
He's had the one night's stand with her before, which means this girl is FAMILIAR. From how you describe him, it sounds like he's as shy as you are.
So, if you want to get better as a person, then ASK HIM OUT! It's the fricken 21st century, for crying out loud! GO GET HIM! You're the one with the crush...so ask him to coffee of dinner or better yet, find out what he's interested in and ask him to an event you know he's into, whether it's a sports game or a concert for a band you know he likes, to skiing if he's into it, or whatever! It's not hard to find out what he's into and ask him to go with you to something.
Otherwise, you'll make yourself miserable hiding behind your insecurities disliking other women with more courage than you. That wouldn't be the life for me, which is why I took things into my own hands. You can too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): OP here.
I don't hate the girl, i just dislike her as a person. She's actually been pretty nasty towards me in the past for no apparent reason.
I'm not the most confident person so him not asking me out has kind of made me feel that maybe i'm not attractive enough or something. I guess i'll just continue on as normal and forget the whole thing. Thank you everyone for responding.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2014):
 Could be that she is more "accessible" and BED-able then you are. If the guy thinks you are a decent girl he might not pursue you, if he is JUST looking for sex. He KNOWS the other girl might be a LOT more willing to put out and NOT have expectations of emotions or relationship.
Don't hate on her because she has chosen a different path than you, it's petty and unbecoming. Just ACCEPT that if a GUY pursue "that" type of girl.. he isn't what YOU want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): Surely his response that he doubts you'd be interested in him suggests that he doesn't think he stands a chance? It's highly likely that you are far more attractive than you allow yourself to believe you are as so many women have such incredibly high standards due to advertising etc - and he on the other hand is probably aware that he had a meaningless one night stand and you may know about it AND in his eyes you're gorgeous. It's not that he prefers this other girl, just that she is EASIER for someone with low confidence to talk to!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): OP here.
Yes, you may well be correct when you say that i'm seeing him with "rose tinted glasses". I don't really know him well enough to comment on whether he's a great guy or not. I just thought that he seemed nice and he's attractive. It's also a bit awkward because a friend of his, who's also a coworker, likes me but i'm not interested in his friend at all.
To the other person who told me to just ask him out. I'm way too shy to do something like that plus, i've always thought that if a guy likes you he'll ask you out.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 September 2014):
I think you're overlooking a key point here- the man you like. Perhaps you are the one with rose tinted glasses, and you're seeing things in this man that aren't there? If he really thought that you wouldn't be interested, and he now likes this woman knowing what she has previously done, then perhaps he has a serious confidence problem or something.
Or, perhaps he just sees this girl as a rebound?
Either way, perhaps he's not actually worth bothering about. He's a coworker, so it something goes wrong it'll make it awkward, he seems to lack confidence, and he seems to have a taste for a bad girl. Men do want women who respect themselves. But what should have also been said is that a man needs to have respect for himself first.
Think carefully, is this actually a man worth bothering about, or can you do better elsewhere?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 September 2014):
People have their types, for some guys you are it, for others she is. You're not doing anything wrong per say.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 September 2014):
You should take a lesson from this "vile" girl, because she has something you don't right now - courage. She may be morally bankrupt, but she's going after what she wants.
I'm not saying that you should be like her, but seriously, why are you fixated on her when you should be asking this guy out? Why are you waiting for him? She isn't waiting.
He probably had the one night stand to self-medicate from his breakup, and she soothes his ego. Don't wait for him to ask you out! You're already talking yourself out of it!
So forget about her. If you like him, don't rely on "letting it slip" through other co-workers. High school is OVER. If you like him, go ask him out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): OP here. Just to clarify, he had a one night stand with this girl before he started working here, she recognised him (apparently he forgot her name) and coincidentally she happened to work here aswell.
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