A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have known for a while that my mother talks regularly to another man, other than my father, and although I don't like it I've found that it's only ever been friendly. However, I recently found out that my mother has been talking to this same man in a very inappropriate manner. She is in her mid-40s and my father is in his early-50s. They've been married for 26 years now, and although there are a lot things my mother disagrees with when it comes to her in-laws, the relationship has been good so far. The man my mother has been texting has knows my immediate family, including my father and I, however we don't know him personally. He also has a job that he puts before everything else and is something he would never leave to start a fully-fledged, long-term relationship. I do know that, before meeting my mother, this man has previously ruined a marriage by leading on another woman.I know that this is an invasion of privacy, but I noticed that my mother had been texting a woman named 'Jane' quite often but never spoke about her so I checked her phone and found out that 'Jane' was in fact the aforementioned man. They had been "sexting".I've spoken to my sibling about this and they don't want to acknowledge what is going on, but I just don't know what to do. I'm 21 and my sibling is 19. Should I say something to my mother, or just leave it? I'm worried that one day my mother will suddenly leave. My uncle's wife had an affair which completely broke his marriage in two and caused dire problems for his children and I don't want my father to go through the sane thing. What should I do? Please help!
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (20 December 2014):
You are caught....I feel for you.
Do you think your dad doesn't know? I'm going to say that he does.
I would first speak to your mom. I know this is hard but you need to understand what is going on. I'm not agreeing with your mom but maybe there is an "issue".
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): I accidentally sent the reply without finishing.
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I have copies of the recent messages, however the most disturbing ones have been deleted from her phone so I don't have those.
Thank you both for your help, I really appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): Thank you both for your reply's. The problem I have is trying to build up to the courage to actually ask my mother about the relationship between her and the guy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 December 2014):
The first thing you have to try and remember is that your parents' marriage is just that - their marriage. And there might be things you do or do not know about that have happened in the past that may have caused a rift.
That said, I think you should forward yourself that message if possible, and talk to her. Whatever happens, this will affect you, so it's best to try and get some kind of response from her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 December 2014):
 If that happened to me, first i would save that text or forward that to my phone so there is no way your mom could deny it should it comes to the confrontation stage. I would ask how's her relationship with dad, how are they getting along. If she says she's happy then you tell her you know about her secrets. if she doesn't stop what she is doing, you are going to tell dad. Your family is your business so I feel you should have a say in how your family is going to end up.
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