A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a LDR I see my boyfriend 20-25 days in a year, I'm feeling like he doesn't care too much anymore. It's all about his work, where he wants to leave and I'm expected to be happy with that. Is it worth being in a relationship like that?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Read this again:
"we are in a LDR for two years and in that time I saw him 3 times, always i havce to travel to be with him, always i have to be the one that pushes him to make the plans."
now listen to me carefully,
3 times in two years is NOT a relationship.
YOU being the one to always travel to him is not reasonable
and YOU having to PUSH to make the plans is also NOT good.\
stop rowing this relationship boat. do not ask to see him, do not ask to make plans... do not even contact him unless there is something important... no good morning texts etc.
and btw if he's gone 32 days every other month why even bother to move to him... why can't he move to you he's off the other days right?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2014): thanks for all your replies, 'we' do have plans to move together but for him its obv that im gonna throw my life away and move 4000 miles away from my home, my family, my friends!!!!we are in a LDR for two years and in that time I saw him 3 times, always i havce to travel to be with him, always i have to be the one that pushes him to make the plans. what annoys me the most is that every time he's working (he works offshore in rotation 32 days offshore ans 28 days home) I cant talk to him about serious topics because he says 'i cant deal with your problems when im at work'!!!
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (4 June 2014):
Dear OP,
For me, it wouldn't be worth it, no. Unless this is clearly temporary and you have future plans to end the long distance thing and to move closer to each other. But it sounds like this is very one-sided and not much fun.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2014):
If you don't see each other often (you don't)
If you don't have firm plans to end the distance (you don't)
IF YOUR needs/wants/desires/feelings are not being met or are being ignored.... (they are)
then exactly WHAT does this "boyfriend" provide?
IT would not be worth it for me to stay with a man who could not respect my needs/wants/desires and who could not make more time for me.
LDRs have ONE main goal.. to NOT be LDR.....
Moving has to be agreed on by both...
when my husband and I were LDR and negotiating where to live, it was a no brainer for him... I had the better job, I had more long term investment in my job, I had better benefits and job security and I owned the home I lived in. He was willing to take the hit... gave up his 10 yr rental and accepted that he would lose his job (he did). He moved 2 hours away from his home to be with me. I had offered to move half way (we would both have an hour commute then) and he declined. He was not thinking of himself but rather what made SENSE for US as a COUPLE....
if the guy you are with can't see what's best for you as a couple and is so selfish as to only worry about himself and his needs, then no it's not worth it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 June 2014):
It wouldn't be so bad if her was interested in you, rather than just himself. But from the small amount you've written, it's already clear that he's more about his work and his lifestyle than he is working out what he wants with you.
I think it's best for you to move on from him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 June 2014):
What is the point of this relationship? What's the plan to end the LDR status? If you don't have one then it's not worth it. Period.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 June 2014):
 I think 3ish weeks out of 52 week, is not really sustainable for making ANY relationship work.
And add that you are unhappy about it makes it even harder.
Have you two no plans of moving closer?
How long have this been going on?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): If you have to ask, you're not happy. In fact, you're missing out on life. You're stuck waiting to see him most of the time.
I don't think anyone has to say much to convince you, that you want and need out of this LDR. End it!
Go find yourself a nice guy within driving distance. Someone that you can see more often. You don't have to put up with some guy who visits you on vacation. You said he doesn't seem to care anyway. Apparently; you don't much either.
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