A
female
age
36-40,
*o depressed right now
writes:Can someone tell me whats wrong with men today?I was dating a guy i met recently. He was a shy or quiet person anyway and when i text him i would get very dry responses and I ask him had he plans for the weekend. It seems I have offended him and i dont know it he just stopped talking to me no explaination not even i dont like you im not interested. The guy before him was on anti depressants and not over his ex. The man i really love is with someone and going to get married i think. Im trying to date as much as i can and differenet types of men but they all just seem the same when it comes down to it. I feel like quiting men its pointless. You make the effort buy clothes drive your car to meet them and its all for nothing.I feel like im not good enough and they want someone better than me. I do drive a good car and i have a childcare job. It seems its not enough. Im so depressed right now.Where am I going wrong?
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depressed, his ex, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (2 May 2014):
Hi,
Stop dating for a while. I believe you are only going through all this because the man you really want is not available. It sucks, it hurts...been there before with a girl myself.
I would not react by trying to find someone so quickly and just be you for a while. Stay on your own for a while and come to terms with your situation.
I think this is the best for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): Take a break, OP and focus on you for a while. Go have some fun and let the idea of getting a man go for a while so you can gain some perspective into what really matters in life, and that's to have fun with good people and enjoy your life.
If dating is just wearing you down and making you depressed then just stop for a while. The best relationships come out of nowhere when you're not even looking.
OP just plan a fun summer and enjoy your life, and get rid of the guy you like too.
It sounds to me like you're only really dating as a distraction from him or to prove something to yourself by getting someone else. The fact you're so upset that's not happening tells me you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
I know plenty of women your age who are serial daters though and I doubt you'll stop to be honest. To them it's not just about finding a man, it's about validation and it's literally all they live for, their only real hobby outside work. They do anything but go onto plenty of fish or tinder, and even when they go out drinking with us on nights out it's always about the men.
If you're similar, OP then it's time to find a new hobby.
Either way if something is making you depressed then you need to stop doing that thing don't you think?
Oh and don't call it quitting, OP. Dating shouldn't be a habit or addiction, it's supposed to be a fun thing to do, not something that has such profound significance.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 I fail to see why you think its about you. Maybe he was just a dud. You're better off. Go try again but be with folks you trust.
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A
female
reader, so depressed right now +, writes (2 May 2014):
so depressed right now is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks wise guy.
Its seems the men I meet prefer to be single.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 May 2014):
It's not men - I promise. I'm one and I'm not so bad, I hope. I think though that sometimes it's very easy to fall into the pattern of liking the same type of person, even if you don't think you are making that mistake. You appear to be drawn to men who do have problems of some kind, and also you seem to love a man who is getting married.
I think you need to now take a break from dating at the moment. You firstly need to work out how you feel about this man who is getting married and get over him. You won't be able to connect with someone properly until you're over him.
Then, when you do go back to dating, you need to look carefully at characteristics in men that you like. Hopefully, you'll find whatever it is that attracts you to these men, and you'll recognize it more and know how to avoid.
Stop dating for now, get over this engaged guy, and enjoy just being yourself. You'll find someone when you're ready, but you won't if you're unhappy and meeting the wrong men.
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A
male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (1 May 2014):
Sorry to hear your problems with men. And it's always horrible when the person you love is with someone!!
Just seems to me the men you're meeting are wrong. Doesnt seem like you're doing anything wrong to me.
Maybe you just need to keep waiting foe the right guy, you're bound to find a nice genuine guy sooner rather than later! Just keep going.
Drop the guy who can't be bothered to text you - you deserve better.
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