A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend loves kids, and he's so cute playing with them etc. however we've talked and he's on the fence about actually having kids. He's absolutely fine with having them if I want em but he just can't see where people find the time for it. He's really busy with lots of work stuff and educating himself at the moment so maybe it's just that but as he puts it: "they are not like a dog - you can't just put them in the garden if you're going out for a couple of hours!" He's so busy enjoying what he does too that he's unsure of whether having kids will totally restrict him. I get where he's coming from but it confuses me because his actions say he loves them! I did have a pregnancy scare a few months ago , but there was a few days when we thought I was pregnant and he did seem a little excited at the prospect (but Dr said I had a miscarriage in the end). Anyway, sometimes I think I'm on the fence too, but all in all I know I would like to have them someday.Do you think that his thought process is normal for a man?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 sounds normal to me.
My son (age 28 in July) always told me "I don't want kids I'll be a lousy parent" and I always told him "you'll change your mind"
so now he's met a young lady and they plan to marry in the spring... SHE wants children. So I asked her how they were going to work this out... and she said "I want 2 children" and I said "that's lovely son wants zero how is that going to work?" and she said 'we've talked about it... we are having between Zero and two children"
trust me I'll be having two grandchildren eventually.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (27 May 2014):
 I was always on the fence about having kids. I knew we would do it "sometime", but I was always more comfortable with "sometime" being later rather than sooner. My wife, knowing that it would take me forever to figure it out and went off the pill without telling me. So I had nine months of OMG, then got to fall in love with a new little person. That was 21 years ago, and I'm awfully glad we didn't wait any longer.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2014):
 I agree with the others - it's very normal. Having children IS restricting and makes lots of new demands on your life, although obviously it also has a lot of wonderful pros. So it's normal that people may be ambivalent about it, or that they may be crazy about children... whom they do not have to raise and take care of, though.
I particularly agree with Ciar , because I am exactly an example of the second class of people she mentions. I am not interested in children, and , frankly, the less I get to have to do with other people's children, the better. That did not prevent me from being a "good enough " mother , normally caring and doting , when I decided to have MINE.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014): OP here! Thanks for all the responses folks! Brown Wolf I had a laugh at your post. Myself and the boyfriend had a discussion recently about how his friend is bringing up his son. These parents don't believe in saying 'NO' to their 3 year old. It even got to the point where he has been kicked out of preschool(kindergarten) - at 3 years old! Now he's considering homeschooling. The child tried to pulled a hot pot of boiling water off the cooker and dad just just pursed his lips and carried on as normal.
Anyway, were both fairly certain that if we do have children they will be properly disciplined and well behaved!
I'm just turned 30, so we've decided that the latest we will wait is 33. So I suppose there's a few years left to decide. I'm relieved it's normal - I mean he loves kids but not sure if he definitely wants them and I'm not mad about kids but know il love them; I just don't have much kiddy experience!!
Anyho thanks again :)
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 May 2014):
 His thoughts on children are normal for anyone, man or woman.
You don't have to be committed to one view or another here. It's perfectly normal for a person to be good with kids but not be interested in having any of their own. It's also possible for people to dislike children and want nothing to do with them only to be doting parents when they have them.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 May 2014):
 Totally normal - I felt the same way before I got pregnant, while I was pregnant, and now afterwards I know that in some ways I was wrong, and in some ways I was right.
To be fair, the dog is much easier. But the baby is pretty cool herself. And it wasn't the complete end of my social life or furthering of my career and bettering myself. I thin the biggest change has been a) not being able to travel as easily and b) not being able to go out with my fella as much. It's either one of us, or the other. But before the kid came out, I thought I'd never be able to do what I loved ever again. That wasn't true, I was back on my proverbial horse after a few months.
If you want kids, I guess I'd suggest that you start thinking pretty hard on that one, because 30-35 - in the next few years, it'll be getting about time for you to start trying.
I think he's totally normal to have these concerns. He's right to have them!
Good luck, sweet!
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (27 May 2014):
Kids are an absolute joy to have. But no discipline and your life will never be the same.
True, kids are not pets…They are everything wrong about you and the father. You ever hear people say “I wish I could go back in time and fix some of my mistakes.” Well…Kids. You fix your mistakes through them… because trust me…they are going to do the exact same foolishness you did in your life. Correct those mistakes and you get great kids and better people. Let them get away with it, and you have once again fail to correct yourself, and now screwed up the life of someone else.
Nothing better than coming home and having your kids run to you with “Mommmmmmyy!!!” Or “Daddy’s home!!!” Hugging your knees so you can’t walk. Them telling you about their day, because playing at the park is world news in their eyes. All your stress gone…just like that…because hearing the re-told play by play story of your little one has just really become a world event.
But I will tell you this truth…If you plan not to discipline your kids, or can’t bring yourself to say no, or set rules and guidelines…DO NOT have kids.
I am sure you have seen the results of kids without rules and discipline, and the World has many of them already.
My Son and daughter are now 18 and 17, and we have an awesome relationship. Why? Because I made clear at a very young age...I am the parent...Period...That is not up for discussion at any time, and I do not reward disobedience.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 May 2014):
 I'm a woman and I think his thought process is normal. I feel exactly as he does (I'm 30).
Having kids CAN be restricting and it's a HUGE, life-altering decision. I see exactly where he's coming from. I feel the exact same way. So I don't think it's just a man vs. woman thing. Just a preference thing.
Some men want babies incredibly bad, just as women do. And some women don't want babies or sit and dream of the day they have their own. Everyone is different. But one is not normal or abnormal. All are legitimate.
I'm sure if you ever got pregnant, he would love that baby with all his heart.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 May 2014):
 Very normal.
I felt JUST like your BF does before having kids. I loved to babysit, play with and entertain kids, but I didn't really want any of my own.
IT does throw a kink in the way things USED to be, but honestly I think the experiences you get instead is pretty awesome.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2014):
This is entirely normal, for both men and women I think. I have the same sort of attitude as your boyfriend does, and I know men and woman do. Essentially, should children come along they'd be more than welcome, but if they don't it's not the end of the world.
The good thing is you know he's good with children, and when you were possibly pregnant (and I am sorry if you did miscarry), he was at least a little excited.
I think he's said that he'll have them if you want them. And since you appear to want them, perhaps you should sit down again and decide what you both want and be sure about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2014): I think it's normal for anyone but, if you really are 30 - 35, you may want to consider it more in depth before you're 38 and may miss your chance.
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