A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for two years and his ex girlfriend has been an issue for a lot of that time. This isn't a recent ex, if it were I could maybe understand, but a woman he split up with 10 years ago, they don't have children or never owned a home together.The second date we ever had he started talking about her and as the weeks went by I realised this was his ex. He had a box of things she'd made for him, she makes jewellery and he has bracelets she made him. She hurt her leg and had to have surgery he bought her a wheelchair. He didn't speak to her for years because she cheated on him, he even told me that he thought she was a prostitute, which made me think more badly of him than her to be honest. She's obviously not that but I wonder why he kept in such close contact with her if he actually thought that.My birthday is in December and he tripped up and said it was April when we were talking about Christmas being close to my birthday, his exes birthday is April.It's not like he ever sees her socially as we live miles apart, but he just keeps going on about her. Well a few weeks ago I found out that after an argument he travelled 50 or so miles to have a drink with her. I saw a mutual friends photo on facebook of the both of them out together. He didn't realise that this was on facebook and when I said about it he lied until I showed him the photo. After arguing for a week he realised how out of order he was and fed me with all this rubbish that he was sorry and he didn't realise how bad it all looked to me.I forgave him, he's been lovely ever since, reassuring me that he loves me that I mean more than anybody else. But today I took a photo of him on his phone, we were drunk and he showed me all the photos in his album and there she was, again. He's downloaded a photo of the both of them from years ago onto his phone from somebody's facebook account. On one hand he has loads of photos, mostly of me and there's just the one of those on there. But it's really bugging me that yet again she's there. We've had a massive argument. Am I overreacting over this one photo or would you be upset that she is always there?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2014):
 YouWish is right . Holy guacamole, OP: he assaults you and leaves you all black and blue , and... he needs to be single ?? he needs to be in jail, OP.
Please go to your hospital right away, get a medical report ( " bruises curable in X days ") and with that go to the police,press charges and let justice run its course. It may be a hassle for you, but it's also a chance for you to help change society at large and teach people that no sorry , they can't use fists when they disagree, and most of all on a physically weaker person.
If you can't bring yourself to do that- at least rejoice, OP, the ex's photos were just the tip of the iceberg, this guy is obviously big trouble and you have dodged a big bullet.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 October 2014):
 He needs to be single?? Umm, he needs to be arrested for assault! The guy hit you in the face?! That is reason enough for you to never talk to him again. Don't talk to him, don't contact, text, or anything with him. He is abusive, and that is really terrifying.
If he did this to you TODAY, take a picture of your face, call the cops, and have him put away for domestic assault! Go to the doctor and get checked out for concussion as well.
So you broke up with him and he hit you. Aren't you glad you found out how abusive he was before you married or had kids with this guy?? What a loser!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): Well I've split up with him after writing this, he got angry with me and hit me in the face. Even though I have bruises all over my nose, cheek and throat he doesn't even care. He said he split up with her but I don't even believe him. Thanks for the replies I'm glad I don't feel like I just over reacted, he needs to be single!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 October 2014):
You're not overreacting at all. If anything, you've not reacted nearly as much as you should. This man isn't over his ex, and I am wondering whether he ended it with her, or she ended it with him and he's lying again.
This man started treating you as if you were just second best or a replacement, and he is still doing so. If had been that bad, he'd have stopped contact before even meeting you, and he wouldn't have said the things he did. He certainly, 10 years later, wouldn't be meeting her for a drink, and he wouldn't be downloading photos.
His heart is still with her, but he can't have her I suspect because all those years ago he span a nice lie to cover himself.
You deserve to be number 1 in a man's life. You shouldn't be less. I think you need to work out whether this man really wants you, or whether you're just his spare.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2014): You're not overreacting, he's clearly not over her and not only that - after you two argued instead of working on your problems he used it as an excuse to pursue his lingering feelings for her. That way of dealing with conflict screams current or future cheater. Then to continue to lie about it for a WEEK before admitting fault? Sounds more like he was sick of arguing/dealing with the consequences of his actions than any genuine feelings of remorse.
From my own experience, the only ex of mine that spoke negatively about me to others was the one who kept obsessively pursuing me for five years. When you are truly over someone you don't care enough to harbour such intense feelings.
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