A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi dearcupid,My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 years but have only lived together for 12 months (because we were both at uni and persuing our own career goals). Since we've started living together its all gone downhill though and we had a fight this morning and he hit me. I was yelling at him because the landlord said if we didn't pay our rent by lunchtime wed have to move out (long story but the landlord was messing us about) and he was refusing to pay. This isn't first time hes hurt me though. A few months ago we were arguing about somethin and i shoved him away from me. He threw me on the floor, dragged me by the hair and i had a huge bruise on my arm. We also had an argument in a supermarket because he wanted to add somethin to a recipe and i said it didn't go and walked away from him and he grabbed my arm really hard. This has all been in the space of the last year. most of the time we get on great, but when we fight, we really fight and its horrible. Should i leave him? Thanks in advance for your help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 November 2014):
 this is a terrible relationship
you are abusing him (hitting him is abuse even if you are a woman) and he is abusing you.
call your daddy and say "my boyfriend hits me can I come home?" I bet he sends you the money to make it happen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2014): Thanks for your help. im not entirely blameless- i get stressed really easily and i have hit him on the arm or leg before now. Bv if i hit him he comes back and hits me twice as bad. Its also really difficult because i moved away from all my family and friends to be with him so now im pretty much on my own.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (4 November 2014):
 This is bad. If you dont leave now you will suffer with your ability to welcome a healthy relationship as your abuse will cause you to not recognize a good person. This is domestic violence and the police should be involved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2014): Sweetheart, this is not normal. This is concerning. Pack your bags and go.
Yes you love him, yes you've been together for almost a decade, yes sometimes he's great. But. It only takes the one time to kill you. Each time he's agressive it chips away at your self confidence. The longer you hide it the more alienated you'll feel from family and the more you will feel trapped with him.
What's the long term plan? Babies? You want to eventually start a family where domestic violence is the norm?
When you have time google 'Why I left' to find stories of people who survived and walked away from abusive partners. That'll inspire you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): WHAT! SHOULD YOU LEAVE NOW Lady pack your things and leave as soon as possible No women deserves to beat ,punched,etc.Its over Best Wishes
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 November 2014):
You need to walk away from this man immediately. This will only get worse. It started with yelling, then shoving, now hitting. It will get worse, and you must leave.
If you need help, use this site and call them:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
Please do not stay. Make sure your family know you are leaving, make sure your friends do. You don't need to tell them why id you don't want to, but you may need their help at some point.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 November 2014):
It's amazing what we find out when we live with someone.
He is abusing you. Next time it may not be a bruise it may be a broken arm or a broken nose or a broken neck
or he could cut out the long term affects and just kill you the next time.
yes you should leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): the first time he laid a hand on u u should have walked even if he said he would never hit u again he has, if u want him in ur life then he needs help u need to tell him u want a break while he gets serious help if he refuses then u leave itll show he doesnt love u enough to change and u are better off alone than to be an abusive relationship
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