A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hope someone can help. i am greiving for a family member and my boyfriend has, in the last two days, started to totally ignore me. Ive sent him some horrible messages to him today out of desperation for a response and he still will not reply to me. He has done this in the past and it has become an obsession for me now and i've accused him of ignoring me when he probably hasnt. its made me feel very insecure and i know he is onlime talking to others but doesnt respond to me some of the time. he told me he loves me two weeks ago but now he is ignoring me totally. ive tried emailing him to ask what ive done and he ignores that too. i feel so lost right now i thought i could rely on him and hes acting like this. im confused and hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): I lost my sister last year suddenly and my boyfriend of one year shut down. He wouldn't take a day off work or put himself out in any way to support me. I was floored to be honest. My friends gave me much more support. Bearing in mind he had gone through a difficult month previously with his teenage son and I had stood by him and supported him, I felt confused and bewildered. I almost felt abandoned by him.Some people can't cope when things go wrong. They shut down unless it affects them directly. I wasshocked at how people around me reacted. Some of the ones I thought would be there weren't and people I knew less well stepped in and were so kind. It changed two of my friendships dramatically.This is showing you who he is. If he cannot give you support now then what kind of relationship is it? I asked my b/f what would happen if I got ill or had an accident. His reply was "Well I wouldn't like it,I'm no good in these situations". This marked the end for me and we limped on for a few months.For now you need to concentrate on what's in front of you. Put him to one side. I had to do that to get through the day. It was a horrible time but you will get through.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2014): My bestfriend's ex boyfriend used to the same exact thing to her so trust me, I understand what you're going through. You're confused, hurt, and you don't know how to even react. What did you do wrong? The answer is NOTHING. You did nothing wrong. You texted him a few times out of anger and that's great because you need to stick up for yourself. Just let him go. Trust me, it's the only way. This is actually an abusive relationship, not physically but mentally. He doesn't care, hes too into himself to care. If he did, he would at least give you some type of acknowledgement. Some guys, I understand, are bad with grieving and they don't know what to do. But openly ignoring you? That's just wrong. He wants you to chase after him and that's exactly what you're doing. But the minute you're not there anymore and move on to someone else, it'll drive him crazy. And THAT will be fun to watch.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (31 July 2014):
 Why can't you just go over and see him? Is this an online relationship?
At this point, it's pretty clear he's not going to be the type of boyfriend you need at this point, so I would stop trying to get him to respond and instead deal with the grief by talking in real life to friends and other family members. There are bereavement support groups as well.
Maybe it's time to open the position of 'boyfriend' in your life. Fire the current one and start interviewing other possible candidates.
Don't stick around for more ignoring. Get off line, turn off the computer, silence the phone, go for a walk, talk to people face to face in real life, get a nice meal somewhere and disconnect from the dysfunction.
When you get a bit of space and time, things may suddenly clarify for you and you'll know what to do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 July 2014):
To be honest, he doesn't sound like he can cope with your loss or feelings at all. He sounds like he is only really available at the times where everything is perceived as happy and fun, or where he needs you. If you need him, it's clear that he can't cope and perhaps doesn't care.
No one deserves to grieve alone, and no one deserves to be ignored by someone who is supposed to love them, especially when they need them most.
I would suggest that you think about whether you want this man in your life. I don't think he's worth your time, and I don't think you can rely on him.
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