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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Why does he act this way?
Q. There is a guy who I see around my work sometimes and I am attracted to. I have tried hinting at him that I like him, such as telling him he makes me blush and tease him abit. He has given me high-fives, told me "we need more of you around" ...
A. 26 January 2019: I agree with Honeypie he either has a girlfriend or has found out that you like him and now he's uncomfortable around you.
Its never good to date someone you work with it can just cause way too many problems and some places will even fire you if y... (read in full...)
I feel forced to have sex to maintain the relationship
Q. I'm a bit confused I'm in a relationship and I like the relationship the romance kissing and cuddles but I don't really like having sex I've never really liked it. I feel forced to do it as part of the relationship everyday several times a day and I ...
A. 25 January 2019: Wow..I am like all the other aunts/uncles. 3-4 times a day? Does the man have a job? Any other interests? If you both were in your teens or early 20's I could understand but at 40??? Is he taking viagra or something? Its rather unusual for a ... (read in full...)
He's coming on too strong, talks about sex a lot, has a child with an ex. Should I ignore these red flags?
Q. So about 6 months ago I met this attractive guy.. we met in a cute way as I got him lost accidentally by trying to help with directions, and he later gave me his number and name, which I hadn't asked for. I added him on Facebook and he messaged me, ...
A. 24 January 2019: The other aunts are right...don't ignore the red flags! I made this mistake at 19 and married a guy very similar to the one you are describing. He was very funny, charming and he really did make me laugh after just coming off of a breakup. It was a ... (read in full...)
Should I let her go unless she takes the initiative?
Q. I have been in a relationship for many years. We do not live together because we both agreed we would wait until each of our children are grown before we combine our households. There have been "ups and downs" over the years, but never anything ...
A. 23 January 2019: You have been great advice. I would just like to add this. IF your lady friend is around the same age as you, then she is also in my age range and could very well be going through menopause. Let me tell you first hand that her emotions could very ... (read in full...)
Why is he so reluctant to move in together?
Q. My boyfriend of 18 months is reluctant to move in together. We have discussed it and he has said that he wants to, in the next year. But when I try to talk about it he gets grumpy and seems uninterested and irritated. For example, I had to go home ...
A. 22 January 2019: He isn't ready and he doesn't want to talk about it but apparently you are making little remarks and "hints" and I'm guessing he feels pressured. Men usually say exactly what they mean and don't beat around the bush like we ladies sometimes assuming ... (read in full...)
I’m sad and lonely and find myself masturbating too much. Any advice?
Q. ive just turned 30 and I've been sad and alone recently. Every time i asked a girl out either: they're gay, not dating "right now", or see me better as a friend. recently things in my life haven't been going well. personal failures and lif...
A. 22 January 2019: We all have down times and periods where we feel low. It happens to all of us. You need to do something with your extra time and energy. Why not take up a new hobby? Volunteer somewhere where you can get out and meet with others that have similar ... (read in full...)
Is he completely dense? Should we just give up trying to tell him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life?
Q. Hi guys so firstly this us a follow on from a post at Christmas- thank you all for your excellent advice The situation was a mutual good friend had got himself involved with a girl we all knew was bad news- disrespected him, took money and gene...
A. 21 January 2019: Love is a very powerful drug it can make sane people do the craziest things. As they say "love is blind". He doesn't see or hear what you and his friends do and the harder you try to convince him he's doing the wrong thing, the more he will go ... (read in full...)
My husband of 12 years is so secretive and refuses to talk to me just gives me the silent treatment
Q. I am in my late 50's and have been married for second time for 12 years. I have grown up children from my first marriage. My husband is 60 and from the beginning he has been so secretive. He never shows any interest in my life and health and never ...
A. 20 January 2019: I felt sad when I read your post, OP. You sound very sad and lonely and confused with a man that you should be able to respect and trust. I would be absolutely miserable if I was in your situation. Your husband doesn't sound like a man that you ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my married lover for baby?
Q. So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...
A. 20 January 2019: I think you are going to open up Pandora's box. Have you really thought everything out or are you just thinking with the theory of "time is running out". Do you have any idea how many people will be hurt if you have a married man's baby? Do you ... (read in full...)
My husband lack of empathy really confused me.
Q. My husband lack of empathy really confused me. What do you think about this incident? Let's just say that I'm not all that surprised. Over the years, and we've been together for almost 20 years now, I was ill a couple of times and I must say tha...
A. 18 January 2019: My ex husband acted the same way. He was not a doting motherly sort and had no idea how to handle such sort of situations. I'm guessing its because I always took care of everything. Rather than just come out and tell you he really didn't know what ... (read in full...)
I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?
Q. My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...
A. 15 January 2019: OP, honestly why is what she doing your business? Its not like she's a young teen. She is old enough to make her own decisions good or bad and unless you can actually show proof you are only going to upset/offend your husband. Let me tell you when ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's 12 year old doesn't like me and boyfriend will not step in and do anything
Q. Hi I’m in a bit of a dilemma and seriously need some advice. I’ve been with my bf now for 7 months. We both love each other And have spoken frequently about marriage and living together. However here is my problem. I have met and get on ver...
A. 12 January 2019: I am getting the impression that you don't have children. Forgive me if I am mistaken. Dating a single parent can be trying at best, impossible at worst. I was once a single parent and trust me, my child came first. I was lucky that she was only 4 ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?
Q. I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...
A. 9 January 2019: I wouldn't say he respects you not at all. If he is trying to have sex with you after you have said no then its rape. It seems very uncaring and disrespectful of him considering that you have told him no and because of what happened to you in the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he doesn't have time to be with me when I am sad or upset
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months has been staying away from me for a few weeks now after we had this fight. It was over the matter regarding my promotion and i was talking to him about it and got carried away talking about the promotion related other stuff ...
A. 8 January 2019: For the most part, men are not as emotional as women so sometimes they can be at a loss for how we express ourselves. MOST men will try to understand and comfort us though unless we just go on and on and on constantly. Your boyfriend apparently ... (read in full...)
How do I get in touch with him?
Q. Hello everyone reading; On Wensday (02/01), I had to get my hair braided at my hair dressers house. While I was there, the was his gentleman who came to the living room (Where my hair was being braided). He stood next to me trying to take someth...
A. 7 January 2019: This man is no young guy still wet behind the ears. He sounds like quite a charmer and possibly a player. If he wants to find you darling he will trust me. I'd wade into the waters very carefully with this guy or you could get hurt. ... (read in full...)
I found evidence that my wife has been cheating. She denies it. Is she lying?
Q. I recently found out my wife of 12 years has been seeing a guy from work for the past 3 months. I found a messenger conversation between her and her friend. In it it says they are like love sick teenagers. She talks about getting caught with him in ...
A. 5 January 2019: Cheaters love the thrill of getting caught but they don't want to get caught. You have evidence she cheated, she has admitted that she kissed him (and yes that is cheating both physically and emotionally). So what is your deal breaker?
Yes I... (read in full...)
How do introverts and those living with social anxiety make friends?
Q. So I haven't posted on here before, and I guess I'm just hoping for some ideas or thoughts on how to make friends when you have social anxiety. This is a bit long-winded, so please bear with me, but I wanted you to get a bit of an idea about my ...
A. 4 January 2019: First of all OP, here a *HUG*. Its hard to just jump right in when you have social anxiety but if there is any way that you can make yourself go out besides of work, I would suggest that you volunteer somewhere. It will get you out, you will be ... (read in full...)
I'm sick of him screaming at me night and day. Should I leave? What if I don't find anyone else?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend since I was 18, I'm now 26 and we've lived together for 3 years. In truth I feel like he is my 'comfort blanket' - I feel safe around him, he makes good decisions etc. And looks after me, I feel safe having him there, And ...
A. 2 January 2019: Oh sweetie..you aren't old and if you end this relationship you shouldn't be afraid that you won't find someone else! Both my mother and my mother in law were in their 70's and found love again. Please don't let that be the reason that you stay with ... (read in full...)
Accused of being antisocial for turning down a guy?
Q. My dad loves to accuse me of being anti social and saying "that's why you have no friends". We were at a friends place and there is a single guy there who I see a couple times a year. We aren't friends (acquaintances) and we do not share interests. ...
A. 30 December 2018: I think it would be best if you started being very selective in what you tell your family. You are an adult and do not need their thoughts opinions or approval. Its just that simple ... (read in full...)
My new job demands much more of my time! Any advice?
Q. Three weeks ago I started a job in my career path that I’ve been praying for for a long time now. Great location for me, benefits, union, pay is good, the whole nine yards. I feel so overwhelming blessed for me and my family. The only downside to ...
A. 29 December 2018: A great job usually means having to work hard and making sacrifices. You need to ask yourself what is more important to you? I do want to point out that you have only had this job for 3 weeks so I don't think you've given yourself enough of a chance ... (read in full...)
My abusive father has turned the family against us. Does anyone have any words of support/similar stories?
Q. Hi, Im just seeking stories of others if anyone has gone through something similar. It would be comforting to hear, as I know there is little to be done about my current family situation. Last year I decided to cut contact with my father due to hi...
A. 28 December 2018: I have been on DC for a very long time OP and I will say this over and over again. You don't get to chose your family. Friends yes, partners yes. Family? Its the luck of the draw. Some people get fabulous parents/siblings. Some of us don't.
I am ... (read in full...)
He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it!
Q. Hi so I started seeing a guy about a month ago, he is lovely but lives like 400 miles away! I really fell for him, and him me, but he seems borderline obsessed with me, he got me presents for Xmas very sweet I thought, but he is very insecure and ...
A. 28 December 2018: This is a relationship that you run away from and keep looking in the rear view mirror to make sure he isn't following you. Seriously. He is obsessive, which leads to controlling and not to mention he sounds like he would be a stalker. He will only ... (read in full...)
My close relationship with my friends has changed ever since they had a baby
Q. Not sure what to do with my friends. We've been friends for a few years and we got on really well always having dinner together and drinks. Celebrating birthdays, Christmas's and new years together. We were really close. Then they announced they ...
A. 26 December 2018: OP, I don't believe that your friends are trying to avoid you or shut you out. They are just plain EXHAUSTED. Your whole world changes when you have a baby, especially if its your first baby. Everything revolves around the baby. Most babies do not ... (read in full...)
Should I give her a Christmas present for her son.
Q. Over the past couple of months i have been getting to know a really nice woman that i have met locally to where i live, she is 37, and im 42. We are taking things really slow at the moment as we both have a lot going on at present. Things are ...
A. 24 December 2018: I think its a very sweet and caring gesture. Absolutely nothing wrong with giving a small gift. I love the idea of it being from Santa. The little boy may not know the difference but trust me..mama does. As a once single parent believe me, I took ... (read in full...)
My friend has gotten himself involved with a bad girl and I want to help him but unsure what to do
Q. I'm worried about a guy friend as he's got himself involved with a girl who is bad news. Hes started distancing himself from everyone who's warning him and is distancing himself from close friends She's a complete bitch sorry to say - take a mon...
A. 24 December 2018: This is one of the those times where all you can do is be there if things fall apart and he needs a friend. You can try all you want to talk to him but he apparently is in love. Love blinds you and he is seeing what he wants to see. Hopefully he ... (read in full...)
He wants to spend the rest of his life with me but without marriage.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We have a child together. We are both divorced. We both have children from the marriages. We are in a serous relationship. He has talked about us getting a home together. He has said more than ...
A. 23 December 2018: As the other aunts/uncles have said, only you can decide if this is something that you can life with, or you can't. Men normally say what they mean. They don't hide behind words or pussy foot around. If they say something, take it that is what they ... (read in full...)
My ex took out credit cards in my name without my knowledge is there anything I can do?
Q. Hi. I broke up with my ex about 2 years ago and it was not an amicable break up. It was tough. And very difficult. During the break up he told me he had taken out 3 credit cards in my name totalling about £4/5k of debt. He also told me that he had ...
A. 21 December 2018: OP, I find your post really sad. Are you that nice or (forgive me) that stupid??? WHY oh WHY would you let your ex charge things and you just pay them??? Stop being a doormat! What your ex did is FRAUD. People go to jail for doing what he has done! ... (read in full...)
When he is sober he's nice, when he is drunk its a big downfall.
Q. Hi, I'm kinda dating one man few months, but I'm quite worried about him, because many times we go out, he drinks. While I'm having one beer or glass of wine, he has few and often some hard liquors too..he gets pretty drunk often to the level th...
A. 16 December 2018: Break up and walk away as fast as you can...better yet RUN! He's an alcoholic. They live to drink and will let nothing get in their way. They live in complete denial. I know I was married to one. He wasn't one when I met him and rarely ever drank ... (read in full...)
What is my sis in law suggesting here? That I'm a loser??
Q. Was this fb post directed at me? and my “ettiquette” in talking with my sis in law and 11 yr old neice when I see them over new year? They live 2 hours from me in a small town. Im driving to see them in early Jan, sometime when its ok for ...
A. 14 December 2018: I'd pretend like I'd never seen the post. Enjoy your time with the other family members and kill your sister in law with kindness. Nothing drives a person more crazy than when they aren't nice to someone and the other person acts like they don't ... (read in full...)
I'm being used by a totally useless boyfriend and I feel trapped
Q. When me and my guy first got together about 8 months ago, he had his own vehicle, his own place to live with a roommate, a good paying job, and was easy to get along with. After about 5 months i agreed to let him move in with me but things went ...
A. 13 December 2018: OP, this is a man and a relationship that you walk away from as fast as you can and thank yourself later for not getting married to him. He is lazy, ungrateful, a user and a heavy drinker and worst of all he can be violent. The quicker you end ... (read in full...)
I wonder if forgiveness is the key to moving forward
Q. I, like many grew up with a toxic family. My parents where not there and pretty much abandoned me. I have struggled alot of my life due to this but also the last few years I have done alot of work and had therapy on this. This has made things easier ...
A. 13 December 2018: I think that if you can find a way to forgive and accept then your mind/heart will be more at peace. It isn't easy to forgive someone that has hurt you very deeply but if you can someone let go of hurt/anger you will feel lighter and more free.
... (read in full...)
How do you cope with losing a parent or a loved one?
Q. So, about a year ago I lost my father to stage 4 cancer. I cry and have break downs, when I see his photo, or if I see a video of him, or if hear a voicemail he left. So, now I avoid looking at his photos and things that remind me of him. It’s just ...
A. 12 December 2018: The loss of your parent is absolutely devastating. Even when you know that it is going to happen(with your father's illness) it doesn't make it one bit easier. I especially feel for you because you had to watch your father suffer over time and that ... (read in full...)
Around how long were you and your significant other together before saying "I love you"?
Q. I'm just curious for other people's experiences, although I know every one is different. Around how long were you and your significant other together before saying "I love you" ? My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 8 months and are e...
A. 12 December 2018: We see this question on here more than you might think. When we love someone we of course want to hear them say those three little words "I love you". It should be noted though that as an old saying goes "talk is cheap". Its very easy to say the ... (read in full...)
The neurosurgeon I have met online says he wants a dominant woman.
Q. Hello everyone. I’m 41 and just strarted looking to online dating 4 years after divorce. I started chatting with this incredibly smart and handsome guy. He is 47 and a neurosurgeon. Never been married and no kids. We both have the same religion and ...
A. 10 December 2018: First of all, don't be impressed that he says hes a doctor. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. Have you goggled him to see if you can find anything out? Even if it is..its not nearly as impressive as some women want to believe. How do I know? I'm married ... (read in full...)
Found out GF had 4some and 3somes with people I know
Q. Hello, I just found out my girlfriend of 6 years had multiple threesomes, and even a foursome MMMF. She was dating one guy but had sex with his three friends without him. When he found out she offered to have sex with him and another guy she was ...
A. 9 December 2018: Most of us have done things in our past that we may be a little ashamed of, regret etc...but we can't change our past. Maybe she just was adventuresome who knows?
I dont know why after 6 years this is just coming out but if her past bothers ... (read in full...)
New boyfriend gets upset because I wont let him move in.
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now. Previously married for 5 years. Our relationship has been rocky to say the least but we have come to a crossroads suddenly. He lives with his mom and they are getting evicted. He isn’t working at ...
A. 6 December 2018: Many times when people write here they know what they need to do but just want to be reassured that they making the right choices. OP, I will reassure you as I'm sure anyone else will that respond to your post.
You are definitely right to not w... (read in full...)
How do I stop the constant thoughts my husband will cheat when he's out of town?
Q. My husband left for Florida to visit his mother for 2 weeks. I could not go because it's the holiday season and our company does not permit vacations in December. Usually we go together in January but my husband is starting a new job in the new ...
A. 4 December 2018: OP, why don't you do yourself a favor and take our advice. You keep posting and posting and posting on here and trying to pretend that you are someone different every time but what you don't seem to realize is that we know who you are. You are in a ... (read in full...)
Is it possible we "love" each other?
Q. Hi. I've been married since 1995,and we get along fine, but I met this lady "B" at work in 2004. Without meaning to, we became very close even though she was engaged to someone I knew. Nothing actually happened because she was my boss, but everyone ...
A. 3 December 2018: OP, I think you need a good hard dose of reality and that's what you are going to get coming on here. Most of the aunts/uncles on here are not going to hold your hand and say"poor baby".
You are mooning around like you are 13-14 years old not ... (read in full...)
Why do people start dating when they are not over their exes?
Q. Or get into relationships for that matter. I'm dating a few guys at uni, and the number who are clearly just looking for a re bound or keep bringing up their exes is disgusting. And I know people who've even gotten into relationships with people, ...
A. 2 December 2018: I think many people just don't want to be alone so they jump into a new relationship when they really aren't ready and haven't processed everything. They think a new person will make the pain go away faster and take their mind off of the breakup. I ... (read in full...)
How could he treat me so badly and now act like nothing bad ever happened between us?
Q. Hi 6 years ago I met the man of my dreams I was madly in love with him and things were going well after a year of been together I fell pregnant and miscarried the baby the next day my boyfriend kicked me out of his flat no explanation as to why he ...
A. 30 November 2018: I think your dream was actually a nightmare. Only a man who doesn't give a damn about someone he supposedly loved would kick her out right after she miscarried. Sorry but that is just the lowest of the low! Who cares if he asks friends about you? He ... (read in full...)
How to deal with a needy friend who’s staying over the Christmas?
Q. (sorry I've just realized how long this post is) She’s a friend I’ve known all of my life. Our fathers were best friends. She has always been extremely needy and I’ve dealt with it and not always in a good way (meaning that I would often say ...
A. 30 November 2018: I appreciate kindness in people. I think it is absolutely wonderful quality to have. If more people would show a little kindness and compassion the world would be a much better place. I wholeheartedly agree with Wiseowl though, there is a difference ... (read in full...)
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