A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Or get into relationships for that matter. I'm dating a few guys at uni, and the number who are clearly just looking for a re bound or keep bringing up their exes is disgusting. And I know people who've even gotten into relationships with people, said I love you etc only to find they're not over exes yet a few months after starting to see each other. Yes I also know girls do this too! Why?? Just get over your ex before bringing another else in, instead of going to the next person like a re bound. I try to avoid guys who are just got out of relationships, and if I find out they aren't over their ex I end it immediately. I have been through break ups before, obviously if someone is looking for a hookup only its a red flag but some of these guys actually act like they want something serious instead of just trying to replace Ex Gf.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2018): I recently got out of a long relationship so I’ll try to defend the not-over-ex daters... We mutually decided to break up because our lives have taken different directions. I’m certainly not “over” my ex, and I’m not about to be. Maybe I’ll never be. But the relationship is OVER so I don’t think that me being “over” her makes a difference. For that matter, I still occasionally think of my PREVIOUS ex, and even the ex before that. I seem to be good at finding girls who end up moving to other countries...
But why should I NOT try to find someone else? Life is short so I don’t see the point of waiting just so I can take time to sit alone at home feeling sorry for myself. Obviously if I’m crying my eyes out every day, then maybe some “time” is in order. But today is a new day... I broke up a few weeks ago and since then I HAVE gone a date with someone. It was a little weird going on a date with a stranger rather than someone I know EVERYTHING about. But I don’t think taking more time is going to help with that. It was a good date none the less. I’m definitely a lot closer now to being “over” my ex BECAUSE I am meeting new people and looking to the future.
The exception I think is those who date new people to make their ex JEALOUS. I actually removed and BLOCKED my ex from my Facebook etc. Not because I never want to see or hear from her again (probably someday I will add her back), but because I don’t want the possibility that she will be jealous of something I put there to even cross my mind, and I don’t want to see something SHE puts there to make me feel jealous.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (2 December 2018):
 I think many people just don't want to be alone so they jump into a new relationship when they really aren't ready and haven't processed everything. They think a new person will make the pain go away faster and take their mind off of the breakup. I have never understood how people can do this but many many people do. The sad part is then that they hurt an innocent person who thinks that they are over the ex when in fact the ex is still in their head.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 December 2018):
 In all fairness, some believe they are over their exes and something triggers it. Other times you may be reading more into it and they are over their ex, just mention them. Most of the time it’s loneliness, wanting to be over their ex or trying to make themselves feel better. Sometimes it’s to make someone jealous, but not many people (in the grand scheme of things) do it to mess with the rebound person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2018): They're on the rebound and using the other person as an emotional "band-aid." Sometimes they'll date with the hopes they will cause their ex to be jealous. You know why women do it, but I'll explain why men do it.
The greatest reason for it is selfishness. People who toy around with other people's emotions care only about their own feelings. "I feel bad, so I'm going to find me somebody to make me feel better!" I admit, we men are more likely to do this. It's full of spite and vindication. To prove you can replace your ex easily; or just to keep sex available at your beck and call. It's cruel and will backfire anyway!
In the case of a real assh*le; it's his way of consoling himself and trying to prove he's not 100% an assh*le. He'll try and find someone quickly to replace his ex; then get on social media to publicize and advertise the new and improved version of himself. For as long as he can keep-up the facade. "See what you're missing, see see!"
The problem with their victims is the failure to see the red-flags; or being too busy getting ahead of things out of sheer desperation. Wanting a boyfriend so badly, they pay no attention to warnings and signals that this guy hasn't gotten over his ex. Many actually think they've got what it takes to make him forget his ex. Yeh, right! Some even look like dead-ringers of their ex...same body-type, hair and eye color. They could pass for twins!
Stick to your rule that you avoid guys fresh out of relationships. Not to say some may have broken-up years ago, and never really get-over their exes. That's more of an obsession than it is love. A healthy mind knows when to let go, and move on. A good soul knows how to be good to those who risk everything to be with him.
The signs are there, and the smartest thing to do is to exit that mess as soon as you can. He will only use you; but never fully commit himself. He's thinking of his ex the whole time he's with you. You're a place-holder and a bed-warmer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2018):
 Because they HOPE someone else can "help" them get over the last relationship faster.
OR
They aren't really ALL that concerned with other people's feeling, just their own.
OR
They don't want to be alone or lonely.
Yes, in perfect World people wouldn't start dating or try to date someone new until they were over an ex. Then again, in a perfect World people wouldn't steal, cheat, kill etc.
So what can you do to avoid it? Well, go slow. LISTEN to what is said. If someone talks incessantly about an ex, stop dating and look elsewhere. Someone talks "smack" about an ex a lot? STOP dating them and move on. YOU too, have some responsibility in CHOOSING whom you date.
LEARN from it. IF you have SEEN some of these red flags, PAY attention in the future.
Lastly, someone saying "I love you" after a few month is probably not all that sincere. You can't RUSH love or a good relationship.
No much else you CAN do. You can't FIX everyone else, all you really have control over is HOW you react to it.
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