A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now. Previously married for 5 years. Our relationship has been rocky to say the least but we have come to a crossroads suddenly. He lives with his mom and they are getting evicted. He isn’t working at the moment. I just moved into a new place a week ago after living with family and saving up after my divorce. Prior to the eviction i voiced that I do NOT want us to move in together. I admit I rushed into a relationship with him fresh out of my divorce and wanted to slow things down a bit. Now that he is facing eviction, I still don’t want him to move in with me. I feel like a terrible person but I have worked diligently to get back on my feet. Not to mention I have a soon to be 3 year old daughter. We have argued quite a bit over the living arrangement one minute he understands and then the next he makes me feel bad for not offering to take him in. I am very adamant and want this “new beginning” to focus on my child and I. I can not take on the burden of my bf living with me period. I am wondering if I should just break things off to save a lot of stress. I do care for him deeply but I will not jeoapardize what I am trying to build which is a stable, comfortable place for my daughter and I.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018): Don’t do it!!! I helped a “man” once and I got stuck paying for all the food, utilities and outings. Yes he paid half the rent but I did everything else!!! Then I lost my job and guess what? He wanted to leave me! Please don’t do this. He WILL leave you in more debt and not to mention pain. You deserve a real man. This is not a man. He’s a child trying to Leech off any willing person. I’m Sorry but you are a victim in this.
Muster the strength to cut him off NOW.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (8 December 2018):
 This doesn’t sound like it’s going to work. You’re already apprehensive and with good reason. You’ve highlighted that you’re arguing already and I don’t think him moving in would do anything to help that.
Sounds like you used the relationship as a bit of a rebound to move on from your divorce. That in itself shows it’s not really got the legs to last long term.
I’d end this one and concentrate on your daughter.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 December 2018):
 You have only been dating a relatively short while, you have already told him you do NOT want him moving in with you and your relationship has been "rocky". The fact that he is losing his home does not make him YOUR responsibility. He cannot make you feel bad about yourself without your permission. Do NOT, under any circumstances, give him that permission.
You sound like a level-headed hard-working person. You have worked for your new home. You also have a young daughter to consider.
He, on the other hand, sounds like someone with a sense of entitlement. It sounds like he is going to try to wear you down so that you say something like "OK, you can move in until you get back on your feet". Guess what? Your next post will be asking for advice on getting him out of your house because he will be living off you and refusing to move out. It is a lot easier to stop him moving in than getting him to move out once he is already there.
You know what you want and need to do. Just do it. If he keeps trying to make you feel bad about it, end the relationship. That's MY advice.
Good luck. I hope things work out in your new home for you and your daughter.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (6 December 2018):
 speaking from experience i let a guy in the same kind of situation move in with me. he mooched of me for over a year. i tried repeatedly to make him leave but he wouldnt! i got stuck buying all the food and paying all the bills.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): You have a daughter. You have to support her, and yourself. It is unfathomable that your boyfriend would even want to place undue financial stress or hardship on you; knowing you yourself just came out of sticky situation.
Why would a strapping healthy man, in his 20's(?), be demanding his girlfriend (a struggling single-mother) take care of him?
He's not asking to moving-in out of love, he's got no place else to go. That's a reason to place the relationship on hold. We all run into serious problems; but we have to prioritize our situation, and remedy any matters that will adversely-effect our relationships. Especially, when the relationship is rocky anyway! The deal-breaker is he was living with his mother; and ultimately became too much of a burden for her!!!
Children and their needs come first. Anything that will hinder or undermine the well-being of a child are to be your first concern. Your child and yourself of your first priority. Too bad about your boyfriend; but he was HIS mother's burden. He should have been helping her!
I'm sorry, but you shouldn't take it upon yourself to have to financially-support and shelter a full-grown unemployed adult-male. He should have been diligently seeking work. Be it a temporary-assignment, or a part-time job. Anything to survive. He waited-out eviction, which takes months! That tells you what you can look forward to.
If you feel bad, just consider how his financial-dependence would srtain your income; and how much would be taken from your daughter's needs. Even if you get child-support; that is specifically for her needs, not some boyfriend down on his luck.
Get your priorities straight. Your child should lack nothing; and you don't need to be busting your butt to support him. He shouldn't even want to take anything from you, or your daughter. He'll have to go pressure one of his relatives; or stay in a homeless shelter. Sometimes you have to do what you've got to do; even when it makes you feel bad. Children come first!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 December 2018):
 Many times when people write here they know what they need to do but just want to be reassured that they making the right choices. OP, I will reassure you as I'm sure anyone else will that respond to your post.
You are definitely right to not want your boyfriend to move in. You are just getting back on your feet, you've had a rocky relationship and he is NOT employed. Let me tell you as a former landlord, once you have someone move in with you its not always that easy to get them out! Don't put extra drama into your life when it isn't needed.
Its sad about your boyfriend but him moving in with you (what if he doesn't get a job??) is not a good idea right now. It concerns me especially since you said you've been together 11 months and there have been problems. The problems could get much bigger if he were to move in and then what? You could be stuck with him.
I'd advise that it would be best to end things.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2018):
 I think you already know what to do.
IT IS smart not let him move in. He can't contribute financially and you are a single mother. Which means if he moves in without having an income, the EXTRA costs of having him live there is taken "out of your child's mouth" - so to speak.
Of course he doesn't want to live on the streets, but I don't see him caring about what happens to his mother? So really, HIS main priority is HIM. Not her, not you and not your daughter.
Maybe you need to just take some time to be YOU and your daughter. To focus on building a life for the two of you.
He might be a nice guy, but financially unstable. Which is NOT what you need in a partner. And the fact that this 11 months relationship has been rocky as well, might be because you two are really not that well suited after all.
Don't let this guy tear down what you have build. HE needs to focus on getting back on HIS own two feet. You can't be his rescuer too.
Sorry, I think the best thing would be to end it. You aren't really ready for a serious relationship, he isn't a good match or financially responsible.
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