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... Send *eema a private message | | | *eema's profile:I'm a mature lady with a great deal of life experience. I guess I now agree with a friend who used to say 'we don't grow old, we grow wise'- doesn't mean we don't make the same mistakes, but we see them a lot quicker and hopefully have developed the tools to deal with them. I enjoy sharing my wisdom with those in trouble, just as I enjoy others sharing their wisdom with me when I am in that place too. We are all interconnected on this planet and we all need a leg up at times. It's great there are places like this for us to come. Love and blessings. |
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She's the girl of my dreams but she wants space.
Q. Hello, I have been in a fairly good relationship for almost 5 years now, I love my girlfriend so much but she doesn't seem to appreciate it, lately things have started to go downhill, its been over 5 weeks since we have been intimate, we have had no ...
A. 3 October 2011: Darling, I'm sorry to tell you that wanting space is usually a person saying I want out but I don't know how to tell you. I wanted space 4 times before I had the courage to make the final choice. I wasn't quite ready till the 5th time, and then it ... (read in full...)
Bad experiences in the past with controlling men; how to shut this guy down without being rude?
Q. Hello readers. I would like some advice regarding what may seem as a trivial matter to some, however for me whether or not due to my past patterns of enabling men to control me etc I am aware that this is happening again, however I'm not sure how...
A. 2 September 2010: Just point him to the nearest public conveniences, and close the door on him. Don't engage in conversation with him, then you can't get caught up. He's not a child, you don't have to take care of him. I know its difficult when its not your way to be ... (read in full...)
Bad experiences in the past with controlling men; how to shut this guy down without being rude?
Q. Hello readers. I would like some advice regarding what may seem as a trivial matter to some, however for me whether or not due to my past patterns of enabling men to control me etc I am aware that this is happening again, however I'm not sure how...
A. 31 August 2010: Well first of all stop being nice. Stop worrying about what he thinks of you because he is nothing to you other than someone you are employing, and don't offer him a drink. If he asks for one say you don't have time and try to engage with him as ... (read in full...)
I feel like the nice guy who always finishes last...
Q. Ended a relationship last year that ran for eight years but we basically became roomates - hadn't had sex for three years. Felt ready to start dating again this summer and have been seeing someone who I thought was really nice. I have never been ...
A. 31 August 2010: Hey, hang in there, you're not alone. I too am going through a marriage break up and the realisations are coming thick and fast, and yes its very painful, to see who we were in that relationship and what happened to us. BUT ultimately we are in ... (read in full...)
OCD in a relationship
Q. Is there anyone out there in a relationship with someone who has an OCD. I have just started a new relationship and she has told me about hers. I have read a bit about them but don’t fully understand the implications yet. I will read more over t...
A. 25 August 2010: Thanks Birdy. Was it your brother that had this OCD you are talking about? If he had that and cancer too that must have been really tough for ALL of you. I am in a much better place now having put my husband out of the house, but unfortunately he ... (read in full...)
OCD in a relationship
Q. Is there anyone out there in a relationship with someone who has an OCD. I have just started a new relationship and she has told me about hers. I have read a bit about them but don’t fully understand the implications yet. I will read more over t...
A. 16 August 2010: Oh birdy that is so interesting. I just wrote a great long reply and somehow it disappeared before I got it on here, and then I saw your reply which makes a lot of sense to me. My husband, who I've just parted from a month ago, has an ocd which ... (read in full...)
To worry or not to worry???
Q. I have a situation with my boyfriend that is really bothering me. This may sound strange and/or stupid at first but read on.... We’ve been together for 1-1/2 years. He seems to have this strange habit of texting a couple of his female friends ...
A. 10 August 2010: Darling you know the answer, you are spelling it out yourself, and Parsh is right, its very painful and hurtful to be ignored and does little for your self-esteem. So get the hell out. You can do better than that. There IS someone out there who will ... (read in full...)
To worry or not to worry???
Q. I have a situation with my boyfriend that is really bothering me. This may sound strange and/or stupid at first but read on.... We’ve been together for 1-1/2 years. He seems to have this strange habit of texting a couple of his female friends ...
A. 9 August 2010: Didn't understand what the 'inherent opportune racism' was about anonymous person, but I can assure you that is not the case - hardly when I'm married to a person from a different culture, and so are both my daughters - so thats 3 different ... (read in full...)
I don't like him watching porn alone! Should I just watch it with him?
Q. I don't like my boyfriend watching porn. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for him. Just the thought of him watching other naked girls and doing the nasty with himself makes me sick. Should I just watch it with him? Would he stop watching ...
A. 8 August 2010: No he won't stop watching it if you watch it together. It seems to be a man thing, and if they're not mature they seem to have to do it in private and make a big secret of it. It is better if they know you don't really care about it - it really is ... (read in full...)
To worry or not to worry???
Q. I have a situation with my boyfriend that is really bothering me. This may sound strange and/or stupid at first but read on.... We’ve been together for 1-1/2 years. He seems to have this strange habit of texting a couple of his female friends ...
A. 8 August 2010: Oh boy how I relate to this one. I have a husband who I don't live with at the moment. When he's away from me he can't get enough of me. When we're together he wants his friends and is constantly talking to them or texting them. It does nothing for ... (read in full...)
I don't mind my husband watching porn but I feel so disappointed in what I have found on our PC
Q. My husband of 50 resently got this sick mind of watching the music DVD of "Cameltoe" over and over everytime im at work. On our pc at home i found on the history that he was watching it just after he woke up (he was working nigh shift)at 10H25 and ...
A. 28 June 2010: Well - very harsh answer from a man there - but in the basics what he is saying is probably fair, but you are obviously shocked and insecure by this. Sooooo I would say, he is feeling guilty about doing this stuff and thats why he wants to watch in ... (read in full...)
The only thing that arouses him is thinking about threesomes!
Q. i have been together with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. we have 2 children, 1 from a previous relationship. in the first years of our relationship he suggested a threesome so i tried it, part of me enjoyed it part of me didnt, i used to ...
A. 28 June 2010: If you read your words they tell how you really felt about this whole thing. You say part of you enjoyed the 3somes, but yet you dreaded the whole thing - so you never enjoyed it at all, you were just going along with your husband. Thats fact No. ... (read in full...)
How do I get past him having a child from a previous relationship?
Q. Any got any tip on how to get past my parnter having a child from a previous relationship?...
A. 28 June 2010: Yes - acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. Thats all you can do. That is the fact. He has a child with someone else. That means contact with the child and its mother. If you can't do acceptance then don't go there. I've seen too many ... (read in full...)
I am a virgin and don't know how to woo her!
Q. I dont know when we get intimite, we do all the stuff with eachother , but she doesnt allows me to do sex,i dont know when she gets turn on and when she gets turn off I am really confused , coz this is hamperring my relationship, one more problem ...
A. 28 June 2010: Us humans are a very wierd bunch. We all try to guess what the other person wants and make all sorts of assumptions about all sorts of things - but the thing most of us neglect to do is communicate - in other words, we don't ASK what someone would ... (read in full...)
Pictures of my girlfriend's chest are on another man's phone!
Q. What should I do. I have found out on a recent night out my long term girl friend allowed one of her friends boy friends to take pictures of her breasts? I only found this out when I read some messages he has been sending her on facebook about h...
A. 24 June 2010: Not telling you what to do, but sometimes it helps to get clarity when we can't see the wood for the trees. You have to make your own mind up. Glad if it did give you clarity. I think you deserve better. ... (read in full...)
Pictures of my girlfriend's chest are on another man's phone!
Q. What should I do. I have found out on a recent night out my long term girl friend allowed one of her friends boy friends to take pictures of her breasts? I only found this out when I read some messages he has been sending her on facebook about h...
A. 24 June 2010: Well how would she feel if she found pictures of you're genitals on another girls phone? Its not very respectful either to herself or to you. If it was me, personally, I'd not be able to trust her at all. She seems as though she's not ready in any ... (read in full...)
Is it scarier to be a Grieving Widow, or to know one?
Q. I am so confused by the behavior of certain men. My husband killed himself about 4 months ago and I have been trying to deal with this loss and helping to heal myself and my two young boys. What I do not understand is the way that certain men have...
A. 24 June 2010: Its nothing to do with you darling. Its very easy for men to be 'interested' in you when you are safely married to another man. They are usually commitment phobes who look for attached people, no strings sex, and just carry on in their own sweet ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is never in 'the mood' for sex!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years doesn't want to have sex with me! When I say sex I mean intercourse and giving me oral. I go down on him regularly and we both enjoy that, but that's where our sex life seems to linger. When I try to initiate sex one...
A. 24 June 2010: First off - stop doing what we always do in these situations - blaming yourself. Its nothing to do with you, but you end up thinking if I was prettier, slimmer, sexier, etc etc. It really is nothing to do with you - hear me????? :) He has some ... (read in full...)
If you were kissed by a man in the 'just friends' category... you would...?
Q. Girls, how would you react if your best male friend kissed you? As in we are both 26 and she does know I like her but on this day we were just driving and I suddenly pulled the car over, and she said "what are you doing", I said "this" and leaned ...
A. 24 June 2010: Ooooh, lots of boundaries crossed here. Makes for a whole lot of confusion. She may just not know how to react now. If she's low in herself she's probably feeling like hell now, scared she'll lose her best friend, but also scared he may cross those ... (read in full...)
Is he keeping me around until someone better comes along ?
Q. Have been with my guy for almost 3 yrs we broke up for 6 months and have been back together now fir 5 months . The problem I have is he keeps saying he isn't ready for a committed relationship he is trying to get to that point . We don't see other ...
A. 1 June 2010: He sounds very confused to me, and typical of the male of the species in some areas. Men love to be the hunters, so when you say I'm off he loves the thrill of the chase to get you back, but when you say I'm here darling, he loses interest. So you ... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong of me to see two different men?
Q. I was involved with a married man a little over a year ago. (His wife knew and approved of the relationship.) He went away for work so I began to persued another relationship with a different man. The second man and myself are in what can be ...
A. 1 June 2010: Well No. 1 choice doesn't want to make a commitment according to my reading, so doesn't want to tie himself up but wants to tie you up - nice if you can get away with it - its kind of whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine kind of thing, so I'd ... (read in full...)
Wife having affairs with my consent, is this wrong?
Q. Why do l get turned on by other men sleeping with my wife? It is now a regular thing for her to have 2 or 3 men who she is seeing . She loves me and we have been married 22 yrs , but wants to have her lovers and me . Is that Wrong ?...
A. 1 June 2010: Hate to upset everyone, but I've learned from having a very unconventional relationship(according to the rest of the world it seems)myself that no one can say what is right or wrong for any other couple in a relationship. Every relationship is ... (read in full...)
Wife having affairs with my consent, is this wrong?
Q. Why do l get turned on by other men sleeping with my wife? It is now a regular thing for her to have 2 or 3 men who she is seeing . She loves me and we have been married 22 yrs , but wants to have her lovers and me . Is that Wrong ?...
A. 30 May 2010: Nothing's wrong as long as its all out in the open and you're all consenting. ... (read in full...)
Help! Am I just too sensitive?
Q. Hi I don't stay with my lover at the moment, we chat but she is always busy on google and other sites when i want to chat she's always too busy doing other things, does that mean she does not love me? It feels that I am not important to her but ...
A. 30 May 2010: I know this one. Its difficult. What you have to do is reverse things and instead of sitting waiting for a 5 minute chat with her, make yourself so busy that she has to wait for you. Just watch her ass move then :)))). Good luck. Just don't sit ... (read in full...)
How can we get to grips with these terrible rows we're having? I know it's just pressure...
Q. I am having terrible rows with my partner. We have got to the stage where we row about everything. He is a really nice man with children from previous relationships and in the main is fair and decent. Try as I might I don't like the fact that he ...
A. 23 November 2009: Hi. Well I think you've been very hurt before and have a wall round you for a start. Thats going to take time and effort to break down, and he doesn't necessarily sound like the man who's going to be able to do that - he has enough commitment with ... (read in full...)
I'm too scared to say anything to him just in case I am reading too much into the situation!
Q. I have a male coworker who lives in another city, we worked closely together for a couple of years, but only met on a work weekend away (last year). We seemed to have a lot of chemistry. Although there were about 100 of us on the trip, he spent a...
A. 23 November 2009: Oh I know this one!!!! Something very similar happened to me. I'm not sure what its about, but it leaves you very confused and frustrated and almost beginning to feel like you got it wrong all along. I went away on a yoga holiday and there was a ... (read in full...)
Is douching unsafe?
Q. What happens after sex, I mean should you wash or is going to the toilet ok. I am never to sure when people say you should douche after sex, I have heard that douching to much can cause UTIs....
A. 15 November 2009: Well as a lady with a husband from a different culture where they HAVE to shower after sex or the kingdom of hell will fall on their heads - or something like that :))) - personally I think for your own sake you need to pee, clean up the area even ... (read in full...)
How can I help him with this depression?
Q. Hi im 18 and I need some advice as to how i can help my boyfriend. For the last 2 weeks my boyfriend has changed. i think he is experiencing depression - i come to this conclusion as i have depression myself and i have been learning about it in my ...
A. 15 November 2009: Don't even try love. He needs a Dorctors help and possibly some counselling. Don't put yourself in the place of 'rescuer'. Its not a good place to go - you will spend the rest of your life rescuing him - trust me I've been there. Until you let ... (read in full...)
Should I accept?
Q. Hi this is the first time i am writing here. Well, i am in relationship many years. It seems serious. We had said, when i finish my studies to get engaged. But after the years i rethink again and again if this man is my best choice. A)He is from ...
A. 15 November 2009: Hi honey. I can see you have a huuuuuge culture difference there, and that alone is not easy. I too am married to a man from a different culture and you kind of have to teach them and train them in your culture, as well as respecting theirs. And ... (read in full...)
No strings attached??
Q. How does a guy feel when a girl tells them that she wants no commitment no strings attached, nothing just someone she can have fun with?...
A. 15 November 2009: It's an odd question. Are you asking because that happened to you and you don't know how to feel, or are you asking because thats what you want to do? In which case why are you so worried about putting that idea to someone if you think its right ... (read in full...)
Can I ever find happiness again in life while I am still in this marriage?
Q. Been married for close to 12 years with 3 lovely girls. My husband is an orphan,he had nothing when we got married, i worked so hard to build our marriage, 3 years ago he started behaving funny, between 2006 and late last year he had slept with 4 ...
A. 13 November 2009: Oh dear, what a sad story. I have to be blunt here, there's no gentle way to say it 'Get out, and get out fast'. He only continues to hurt you, and he will never change. If it's not you he's doing it to it will be someone else. You are worth so ... (read in full...)
I'm really paranoid thinking that she is cheating one me!
Q. Now this is a tough one. Me and my partner have been on and off for 4 years. I love her more than anything and I wish she felt the same but she has said that she doesnt. I cheated on her for 2 months but never had sex with this girl, I had ...
A. 13 November 2009: Don't mean this nastily, but isn't it wierd that you cheated on her in the first place and now its YOU who is paranoid about what SHE'S doing. Is that because of what you did? It seems that reading between the lines, you are now scared because of ... (read in full...)
Our kids sleep with us... how can I tell my wife I think it should now stop?
Q. I have been married to my wife for 6 years and we have a great relationship, We have 2 kids a 4 year old daughter and an 8 month old son, my wife still exclusively breastfeeds our son and our daugther still nurses before bed and during the night. ...
A. 30 October 2009: Isn't it strange how its so hard to talk to those nearest and dearest to us? You'd think they'd be the easiest, but we are sooooo afraid of hurting them. Well I think you are great, very patient and very kind, and I think she's a real earth mother ... (read in full...)
Having a partner is not everything but I don't really want to spend the rest of my life on my own, any helpful advice would be so appreciated
Q. I split up from my partner in september because he cheated on me, it was the most painful time, emotionally and financially, i,m now starting to get on my feet at last and i can tell you, it hasn't been easy as i did love him to bits and i thought ...
A. 30 October 2009: So pleased for you. You see when you go for the one who isn't your'type' how much better it turns out to be. I tell my daughters now that when they see a man they know is their type - run. Cus it means they are just gonna go round and round in ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my guy that I'm having my period today, without totally ruining the mood?
Q. I've been out with a man about 6 times over the course of about a month. The first 2 or 3 dates I thought he was strange and weird looking (sorry, just being honest here) but for whatever reason, kept wanting to see him again. The last few time...
A. 9 April 2009: Well, from experience, I never invited someone in the house unless I felt really comfortable about them being there and knew that I could trust them. If you live on your own, you could have an axe murderer or a stalker on your hands, so you have to ... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 3 April 2009: This answer is soooo long overdue, but I haven't been on here for some time. You are so right - it is like a drug - we want to go back and back for more - its a very hard pattern to break. We only see the good in them, not the pain and abuse they ... (read in full...)
Happy New Year to all!
Q. Happy New Year to all those who post on here, aunts or otherwise. May this year bring us all love, luck and happiness, and if not then enough alcohol so we don't care :)))))). Love and blessings to you all, Deema....
A. 1 January 2009: How lovely you are so happy. Long may it continue. xx... (read in full...)
Do guys mind it if their gfs wear padded bras to make their breasts look bigger when going out?
Q. Do guys mind it if their gfs wear padded bras to make their breasts look bigger when going out? Like there are certain bras and tops I can wear that make my boobs look much bigger than they actually are. My bf knows my size of course but I'm just ...
A. 31 December 2008: To hell with what he thinks - its your body, do whatever makes YOU feel comfortable. You're not his possession and it really doesn't matter what HE wants. Be proud of who you are, however you look. He's lucky to have you, big boobs, small boobs ... (read in full...)
My friend tells me that guys can tell if you're a virgin, is this true?
Q. On Saturday I lost my virginity to a guy who is very sexually experienced. I'd heard that going on top was best if it was your first time, so thats what I thought I'd do. Anyway, it kinda really went wrong (an embarassing moment, he musta thought...
A. 31 December 2008: Forget it hun. He's not perfect, so don't put yourself down. Doesn't matter if you're a virgin or an old hand, first time with anyone new is always a bit of a fumble and tumble, but like with anything it gets better. Just think he's lucky to have ... (read in full...)
Do you think the long distance ruined our relationship?
Q. For the past 6 years, my husband and i are in a long distance relationship. My son who is 6 years old (he left a month before he was born) and i visit him twice yearly for a total of 10 weeks. Initially when he left, i would cry all the time and get ...
A. 31 December 2008: Then you have to talk to him about it again, tell him its not getting any better for you, that you need his love and attention if you are to survive. Maybe his position is such that he can't spare the time or the energy to give you what you need ... (read in full...)
Do you think the long distance ruined our relationship?
Q. For the past 6 years, my husband and i are in a long distance relationship. My son who is 6 years old (he left a month before he was born) and i visit him twice yearly for a total of 10 weeks. Initially when he left, i would cry all the time and get ...
A. 30 December 2008: Hi honey. Its very difficult being in a relationship where you don't get to see the other person very often. You have to work very hard at keeping things going and keeping the interest there, and if its one sided thats harder still because what ... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 17 August 2008: Bless you Older Sister xx... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 17 August 2008: You're on the road Baby Duck. Well done. It is a hard road. We are so desperate for the love we never got somewhere along the line, and we're looking for someone outside of ourselves to give it to us. Its normal, its natural - we missed out big ... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 17 August 2008: Nothing is wasted honey. You can go on to help others see the light just like you did - in time. Work on yourself first. You deserve a better life xx... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 7 August 2008: Don't worry darling, you're not alone - how do you think we know the answers? Yes, that book was a lot of help to me. I had a very emotionally detached father (alcoholic) and then married an emotionally detached man (sexually abused as a child) ... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 6 August 2008: Hello darling. Unfortunately I see the problem is as much yours as theirs. Its called co-dependency. You need them to need you. Thier coldness is a challenge to you, probably from some past childhood relationship, and you have the need to get ... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 6 August 2008: Hello darling. Unfortunately I see the problem is as much yours as theirs. Its called co-dependency. You need them to need you. Thier coldness is a challenge to you, probably from some past childhood relationship, and you have the need to get ... (read in full...)
Having a partner is not everything but I don't really want to spend the rest of my life on my own, any helpful advice would be so appreciated
Q. I split up from my partner in september because he cheated on me, it was the most painful time, emotionally and financially, i,m now starting to get on my feet at last and i can tell you, it hasn't been easy as i did love him to bits and i thought ...
A. 13 June 2008: Its a wierd one. There are lots of ways to look at this. You could be in a relationship and not be happy. You could still feel very alone. Just because we see people holding hands and walking along together, doesn't mean everything is ... (read in full...)
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