Help with two friendship situations please
Q. Dear all, I have two recurring situations and I seek your advice on it. I’m very sensitive to who are around me as friends and acquaintances, people who I think have questionable behavior or ethics (mean, rude, dismissive, arrogant, poor m...
A. 14 December 2019: I see two conflicting arguments and am struggling to reconcile them:
A) coexist and be tolerant and welcome different people even if they aren’t your cup of tea.
B) if someone isn’t right for you, then don’t give them your time or energy.
C... (read in full...)
I feel disappointed by my friends' promiscuity
Q. I am a gay guys with have two other gay friends, who are extremely sexual and attractive. Every time we meet someone who is remotely attractive they make a b-line for them within minutes. They have slept with or tried to sleep with maybe 85% of the ...
A. 22 June 2017: Agreed, with both of you. I definitely don't mean to come off as judgmental (though I am being judgemental without realising). Im trying to figure out my own relationship between love and sex. I think you can meet a potential partner anywhere, ... (read in full...)
I feel disappointed by my friends' promiscuity
Q. I am a gay guys with have two other gay friends, who are extremely sexual and attractive. Every time we meet someone who is remotely attractive they make a b-line for them within minutes. They have slept with or tried to sleep with maybe 85% of the ...
A. 22 June 2017: Cindy Cares, I am talking about more meaningful connections and potential relationships. Definitely. Do I think I'm morally superior? Only in so far that some guys are off limits, and I'm not doing this smooth Mr. Nice guy act to everyone, hoping ... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 25 November 2016: CindyCares, thats a very helpful response. I dont think the previous poster calling me simply a drama queen for having two housemate dramas in the space of 4 years was helpful or understanding situation but dropping to labelling someone. I ta... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 24 November 2016: Thats very black and white. How about I stay friends with him cos cutting someone loose is dramatic and over reactive., also if ur reaction to all situations is cutting someone off. Then you'll send up with no friends and a reputation. I keep him as ... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 24 November 2016: Definitely worth reflecting over agreed. Yes I am sensitive, and over analytical, also i react. But also that I react in a way which creates drama as you said, to situations that actually aren't pleasant to be in. The difference is anyone could ... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 24 November 2016: I think you have connected a situation from 4 years ago to one that was 1 year ago. This is not the same room mate. My last room mate who i had feelings for what not hetero. I dont think id develop feelings if he was. ... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 23 November 2016: He is my former housemate, I was in love with him for the entirety, we had a huge drama and havent spoken since which involved me leaving. My friend chronicled all this, and i confided everything in him, he even stayed at my house. they had never ... (read in full...)
How can I best deal with my insistent ex? He's weirding me out
Q. My ex has reached out 5 years after we broke up. We haven't seen each other since we broke up. He has intermittently throughout the 5 years making efforts to keep talking, but I moved countries, grew up, had new experiences blah blah I feel li...
A. 10 April 2016: Thats very harsh, isn't it? ... (read in full...)
What's an assertive, direct, funny response to their hot and cold dating behaviour?
Q. A recurring situation is I'll go on a date with anothe gay guy. thing seem to go well. They'll send me a thankyou message after, and continue small talk here and there. I'm pretty direct and will try to lock off a second date, thats when they st...
A. 29 July 2015: I agree with you a bit. However, what is a funny, smart, polite way of calling someone out. "Not being that into you" would suggest they wouldn't bother with poking me again and again. However, if you are right and simply its not a priority for them ... (read in full...)
How do I politely turn down invitation without closing doors to further invitations?
Q. Ok, I have a lot of friends, like a WHOLE lot. Some are casual friends who I had fun with, some are useful professionally, some are genuine friends I can go to, some are going out friends, some are culture friends. I amassed many friends but I do...
A. 12 October 2014: They always suggest other days, if they are visiting for week, I generally can fit them in, but at the cost of my sanity. what are some perfect generic answers?... (read in full...)
Gay with an unstable roommate
Q. Hello Dear Cupid people, this is for me a very serious situation, so I need your advice urgently. I have lived with my hetero room-mate (and colleague) for nearing on 8 months. He's partnered and has little kids, who he constantly gets depressed ...
A. 4 September 2011: Thanks for your advice guys. I don't understand if I were in his shoes, I'd have been embarrassed by making allegations like that and apologise just out of decency. I guess if I read between the lines he is suggesting that I am trying it on with... (read in full...)
Ways to deal with my aggressive mother...
Q. I'm bisexual and have been in a relationship with a guy for eight months now. I spend weekends at his, and make up excuses to my parents who are conservative and petrified/repulsed by homosexuals. To the point that any defence of homosexuality is ...
A. 31 July 2009: Thanks for your reply boo22, its exactly as you describe. She'll say something that's outrageous, doesn't make sense or overly dramatic, a fight will break out, she'll bring up things from the past and start attacking another thing, and then all ... (read in full...)
Found my husband at his ex gf's house
Q. I just found my husband of 23 years with a ex-girlfriend. They were talking. We were separted about 2 years ago for 9 months and I filed for a divorce. After I filed he found a girlfriend and was seeing her. We got back together and he came back hom...
A. 8 June 2009: Take him aside and ask him what's going on. In a calm way explain to him you are concerned he is cheating on you. See how he responds. Its completely understandable that you are worried.... (read in full...)
How to break it off with my girlfriend and find a new lover?
Q. okay so I'm bi sexual but i like girls a lot more better and am more sexually attracted to women. But, I have a girlfriend who doesnt really intrest me and things aren't working out. I want to find a new girl to be with and one that makes me happy ...
A. 8 June 2009: erm... http://readplatform.com/how-to-dump-a-girl/... (read in full...)
He Cheated on me for months & lied about it: Do I end it?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me and I cannot continue to be with him. Am I doing the right thing by ending it? We fell in love and lived together for several months, but he had to move for job reasons. Ever since that time, we have been lon...
A. 8 June 2009: Yep, get out of there. This guy sounds like a hot mess. It sounds like he's attached to you on some level, but not enough to respect you. By leaving him, you're doing him a favour, by making him realise that he can't behave this way. By being ... (read in full...)
Flakey, selfish friends. What should I do about this guy?
Q. I have this friend. Who I've known for 5 years. He has a great, charming personality and -generally - is a lot of fun. But he also has another side to his character I can't understand. He will do things like invite you to a party with all people he ...
A. 7 March 2009: Well just to give you an update. on the flight to Germany my friend missed his flight so i was out there by myself. he did attempt to hook me up with his friends in germany. but i never really arranged to meet them. there is no way for me to know if ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my difficult friend?
Q. Okay, so I have this problem with a friend. He's perfectly nice when sober if a bit oblivious to the way he behaves. But he's a hard drinker and when he drinks he acts in a strange way. we're both gay and when we go to gay clubs, he is only really ...
A. 18 January 2009: thanks guys for all your answers. i sat my friend down and had a serious word with him about a number of things. and since then he's been much nicer. he said basically, part of the gay club experience for him is picking up. he just has "a one track ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my difficult friend?
Q. Okay, so I have this problem with a friend. He's perfectly nice when sober if a bit oblivious to the way he behaves. But he's a hard drinker and when he drinks he acts in a strange way. we're both gay and when we go to gay clubs, he is only really ...
A. 30 December 2008: Thanks, thats pretty much great advise, and kind of simple yet effective. I get really bogged down with thinking is it me or him thats wrong. but at the end of the day doesn't matter. I kind of sent him an angry drunken text saying : 'its not cool ... (read in full...)
I feel like an un-wanted guest, what should I do?
Q. Help, my friend invited me and another friend to cape town. we had a great two weeks. on the way to the airport he persuaded me to stay for a few months and go traveling with him. This went down very badly with his girlfriend who was angry he never ...
A. 13 December 2008: Okay, so things took an interesting turn. After four days of them thinking about what the best thing to do was. I told my friend that I wanted return home before Christmas. He seemed upset and offered to contribute to the air fare, and I accepted. ... (read in full...)
To men: top ten things you want in a girlfriend?
Q. This is, I hope, a very simple question for you men to answer. I'm not desparate for a boyfriend or anything, but I have always been curious about how they see girls... Hopefully not as just a blow-up doll for most of you guys out there. ...
A. 26 October 2008: This is a hard question because even though we are all "guys", we don't all have the same desires or needs in a girl. One guy likes Apple Pie, the other Cherry, that doesn't make Apple superior. Romantic interests are almost infinitely variable. ... (read in full...)
My friend's girlfriend is wrecking our friendship
Q. My friend has recently got a new girl friend. I think this is great, really I'm pleased for him. However, we are also good friends, and I enjoy our alone time where I can discuss things that I - perhaps - wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with ...
A. 31 August 2008: This has resolved itself. I think the novelty of the new relationship took him over. And after making it clear I didn't like being a third wheel, they never invited me out with only them two. We're stronger friends now. And he can also see my ... (read in full...)
This girl keeps undermineing everything I say even when I know I'm 100% right...what do I do??
Q. There is this girl on my course who always seems to undermine me, no matter what I do. At first I thought maybe she was just irreverent with everybody but now I feel convinced that everytime we have a friendly conversation she picks at what I say, ...
A. 6 August 2008: Thanks for all your advice. What's the most bothering about people like this is that it makes you paranoid you're doing something subconsciously which is universally unlikeable. But if you live you life according to what other think/want- you will ... (read in full...)
This girl keeps undermineing everything I say even when I know I'm 100% right...what do I do??
Q. There is this girl on my course who always seems to undermine me, no matter what I do. At first I thought maybe she was just irreverent with everybody but now I feel convinced that everytime we have a friendly conversation she picks at what I say, ...
A. 5 August 2008: Thanks, good advice O Conner. When I make it clear she's picking on me a bit, another guy from the course intervened and also started picking at how rude it was of me to tell her that 'she had no idea' about something. Believe me I can say a lot ... (read in full...)
Is it me or him who has the problem? And what is the best way to deal with this situation?
Q. Okay, so here's my story. My and my friend Jim have hung out for years, we've both been singletons all this time, and always made time for each other and kind of were there for each other when goings were hard. This year we both started our Masters ...
A. 5 August 2008: Perhaps, you are a bit right about that.And your advice about not seeing him so much is what I'm doing. But its a problem I've had with other friends, whereby I feel like they kind of drop you and all their attention goes to their new love interest. ... (read in full...)
She said I "inspired protectiveness in people". Is it something I'm doing that makes me this way?
Q. I was sitting with a friend and we were talking about people on our masters course. Just casually she slipped in that I "inspired protectiveness in people, because I was the only single guy on the course". For some reason, this really irked me, it's ...
A. 3 July 2008: Thanks guys that's very helpful. And to the final anonymous writer, I think your response says more about you. I hadn't actually perceived 'inspiring protectiveness' to be an insult or a put down. Merely, a strange thing to say to a guy, I realise ... (read in full...)
She said I "inspired protectiveness in people". Is it something I'm doing that makes me this way?
Q. I was sitting with a friend and we were talking about people on our masters course. Just casually she slipped in that I "inspired protectiveness in people, because I was the only single guy on the course". For some reason, this really irked me, it's ...
A. 3 July 2008: Thanks thats reassuring. But surely the last thing I want to be perceived as is a teddy bear. I guess some people will find the warmth and innocence of a teddy bear irresistable, but some will not be able to view it as anything sexual. ... (read in full...)
My friend's girlfriend is wrecking our friendship
Q. My friend has recently got a new girl friend. I think this is great, really I'm pleased for him. However, we are also good friends, and I enjoy our alone time where I can discuss things that I - perhaps - wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with ...
A. 4 May 2008: I don't know if she did. They are similar in that they both have very few close friends (and a lot of here-and-there mates) and they are both very family-orientated, simple and content people. He had very few close friends, and he's either drifted ... (read in full...)
My friend's girlfriend is wrecking our friendship
Q. My friend has recently got a new girl friend. I think this is great, really I'm pleased for him. However, we are also good friends, and I enjoy our alone time where I can discuss things that I - perhaps - wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with ...
A. 4 May 2008: Yeah, thats good advice. My friend is a very strange, no incredibly analytical and immature person (maybe this is a cruel way to describe a friend, but he is all these things) as well as kind, generous and funny. But he's my friend and I love him. I ... (read in full...)
My friend's girlfriend is wrecking our friendship
Q. My friend has recently got a new girl friend. I think this is great, really I'm pleased for him. However, we are also good friends, and I enjoy our alone time where I can discuss things that I - perhaps - wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with ...
A. 4 May 2008: Well, he's not pushing me out. In fact, he seems to be including me in everything, even when it's not really my position. I don't think he seems to be able to see the benefits of having some divide between friends and partners and she doesn't ... (read in full...)
How do you deal with someone who wants more from you, without being mean?
Q. When growing up one of the hardest distinctions to impose is between love and a fumble. I have both been involved in sexual encounters that I wanted to pursue further (but they didn't), or ones that they wanted to take to the dating stage (but I ...
A. 26 April 2008: Hey, that's helpful. I 100% agree with the 'one night stands' comment, and I'm not one of those people but as much as I want to be a serious relationship, it only happen with the right person and the right time (and I'll have to actively pursue ... (read in full...)
How do you deal with someone who wants more from you, without being mean?
Q. When growing up one of the hardest distinctions to impose is between love and a fumble. I have both been involved in sexual encounters that I wanted to pursue further (but they didn't), or ones that they wanted to take to the dating stage (but I ...
A. 26 April 2008: Can I just add - in this particular situation -I met this guy drunkenly in a club and this led to me having the one night stand back at his place.... (read in full...)
I find it hard/impossible to read girls and whether they want to go further with me.
Q. I’m 22 (almost 23)year old male and I’ve never had a long-term relationship, I’ve had a couple of flings and far too many one night stands (with boys and girls) but nothing ever fruitful comes of it. I define myself as bisexual, but am perhaps more ...
A. 30 March 2008: rhythmandblues2, I had never thought of this, it would make a lot of sense. But it's easier said than done. I also think the term bisexual seems to have a very loose 'fashionable' definition these days, whereby many people might claim to be, while ... (read in full...)
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