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mystiquek
writes:As we all know, being in a relationship isn't easy. It can be one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to be in love, but falling out of love or the break up of a relationship can also be one of the most painful experiences in life. Love/relationships do not come with a guarantee. You can be the most wonderful person in the world and yet there is nothing written in stone that tells you that your relationship will survive. Some of us really truly seem to get luckier in love than others. Is it fate? Just bad luck?? Its really hard to say.I am one of those people who hasn't been lucky in love. I've been married twice and neither time it worked out in the end. It saddens me to know that my 14 year relationship now is coming to an end. Its just slowly withering away and dying and I cannot stop it. It takes 2 to make a relationship work and it doesn't matter if one partner does everything under the sun to kee keep things going..if its just one person trying..the relationship is going to fail.I think of myself as a good person. I'm caring, loving, supportive, I try to say all the right things, do all the right things. I don't start fights, I bite my tongue sometimes when I want to say something and I am loyal. I'm an educated woman. My family and friends say Im a very nice person. And yet I am allowing a man to make me feel like I'm not good enough, that I've done something wrong, and its my fault that the relationship is collapsing! The truth of the matter is that he isnt giving me what I need, he hasn't for a long time and I have been settling for bread crumbs. I want the whole feast but am only being offered a few scraps. For years I have accepted this and now I can no longer accept such a measly portion! Never let a person undermine who you are or make you feel that you aren't good enough. No matter how much you may love a person, they don't have the right to make you feel unworthy of love or affection. If they can't give you what you want or need, then that is THEIR problem, not yours. Do not make excuses for them! Do not let them take away your pride in yourself. Sometimes relationships are just not meant to work, I don't care how hard you try! Some things just can't be fixed. And that is when you need to know when to walk away. And walk away with your head held high. If you have given all you have to give, and you are not being treated with love, compassion and understanding..then its time to go. Although its going to hurt, and you will be alone and possibly scared, you need to hold on to who you are. This is the lesson that I have to learn and for some reason, its been a very hard one. I don't want to let go of the relationship even though I know its failing. Its been failing for a long time but I keep trying to hold on. Blaming myself, thinking I've done something wrong, trying desperately to "fix things. When in truth I should be saying "He doesnt make me happy, he doesnt care about me..." He's a good guy, but he's not right for me. I've turned into this sad beaten down woman because I've tried so hard to be what I though he wanted me to be. I've lost myself and now I am almost disgusted by how little Ive come to care about myself. I know some of us do this. We just want so much to be loved that we will hold onto to almost anything..just to have someone. Guess what? Its wrong! Never give up who you are or what you believe in for someone else. You have to be who you are and love yourself. I am making that decision today. If I have helped just one person by this article, then I will be so happy. Please always believe in yourself. There's nothing wrong with loving and caring about someone, but not at the risk of destroying who you are. Love yourself first. Reply to this Article
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male
reader, Andyrobert +, writes (16 December 2015):
Wow.. This is just how i feel. I gave my all and got nothing good back. Little things got turned into words of anger and name calling. Now i'm standing here torn to shredds. My heart has been ripped out and i don't know where it is. After all i took and indered. I feel i have been made a fool of when i caught her on her knees with another man banging her. I just need to walk away with my head held high. I can't be hurt any more than i am now. No one can take my soul. She said she was sorry she did that to me
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female
reader, nativeli14 +, writes (4 July 2014):
 This article is amazing. No doubt, I do agree. Thank you for such powerful words and maybe one day I can give my wisdom too.
Thank you??
Keep up the good work.
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A
female
reader, Zebra coat +, writes (14 November 2013):
I hope things work out for you! I can relate to all of the feelings you mentioned! And someone else posted we tend to want to hang on even if we know we can't be happy the way things are! I do envy those who move on and find happiness! I hope to be that way soon! I have become such a loner! I would rather be single and alone though than married and miserably lonely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): My heart goes out to you, and I commend you for the courage to realize what isn't making you happy anymore and knowing when to let go and walk away. Every experience is different as I have also known the failures and successes of a relationship. I am beginning a journey of discovering myself and the parts I have played in a relationship. I am learning to love myself and care about me more than wasting my time and energy thinking that someone else has to fulfill that need to be loved and give me happiness. Realistically, NO PERSON can ever be good enough to make us happy because happiness is a state of mind when you feel good enough in yourself. Don't put out more than you can offer anyone, invest in yourself because only you know who you are and how much you can give to another. I totally support your decision to leave him, you deserve a life of greatness and opportunities to enjoy a healthy, loving and supportive relationships, have a relationship with yourself, rediscover the woman you are meant to be and walk with god's light into the unknown with strength and determination.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): I really commend you for expressing all of these things. I read something that Janis Joplin said, "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." I have been so afraid to be alone that it scares me. What happens when you go to a party and you see your family and friends? You feel good around them, you trust them, you are happy with them. When you go home and it's quiet, you miss them. But you know you wil see them again. When I am with a guy I really like, I have fun with him and I am happy. When he leaves, I miss him. When he doesn't come back or leaves me, I feel sad and alone. Your family and friends are always there. And God too.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 November 2013):
 I hope you find the happiness you deserve with a man who loves you as you are, with all your gifts and graces of love, compassion, selflessness and giving.
Hang in there, sister!
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A
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation. You're right -- most people will cling to the known, to the sure thing, even when it's not meeting their needs, even after they're tried everything. It takes great courage to move on. Moreso when we're older and don't know if we'll be able to meet someone new. But sometimes staying put is simply soul-destroying.
I commend your courage, and wish you happier days ahead.
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