A
female
age
,
*inmcc54
writes:I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him this.He claimed he didn't realize,no apology. I also told him I had been raped analy,bad experience.He recently did it again without asking or discussing. Does he not respect me?
View related questions:
anal sex, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (7 April 2019):
 Firstly im sorry you were raped. This must have been a horrible experiance for you. This guy knows this and should be more sensative and loving towards you. Sorry honey hes a selfish pig. Get yourself a real lover one that cares about your needs and desires... We arnt all like this idiot. Go out and find you match..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2019): We don't have enough data to really say whether he respects you or not, but at the least he is a bad lover and a jerk.
You told him you had been raped that way and yet he tried again?! Kick him to the curb!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 January 2019):
 Don't let him touch you again.
At his age, if he's THAT "clumsy", then he's mentally challenged and shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
However, at age 60 and not 13, he knows full well what he is doing. It's on purpose, and as the others have said, forcing this on you is rape or at the very least sexual assault.
Leave your clothes on, and show him a different sort of exit point -- the door.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (10 January 2019):
 Get rid. He's borderline raping you already because you've told him you don't consent to it. Stop having sex with him because you will get hurt and regret it. Find a man who will respect you and your very valid boundaries - this guy doesn't and never will!
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 January 2019):
 Nope, not at all.
A 60 year old man that doesn’t understand the meaning of the word no. You can do better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (10 January 2019):
 Ok you told him no, gave him a reason why yet he does it again, thats sexual assault
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2019): Sorry, sweetheart. You are old enough to know better. This guy is using you for sex. You are nothing more than a sex toy for him to live out his porno fantasies, and so very obviously his anal sex fetish. Don't think you are too old not to find someone better. Someone who actually cares about and respects you. Personally, I think 6 weeks is jumping in too fast. No wonder he's raring to go! Sex is the only thing he cares about!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2019): No he doesn't respect you!!!
Not if told him you have been sexually-assaulted before; yet he attempted anal-sex without permission! Even after you told him you were raped anally!
Ignoring what you told him is a clear indication this man doesn't take no for an answer. If you're not the type of person who is assertive and can firmly stand-up to people; I recommend you don't consent to sex with that man.
He will force you to do what he wants and if you get upset he'll claim it was consensual. I'm sorry, but he almost raped you on the first-attempt, and tried again after being warned.
Don't beat around the bush when it comes to sex. Firmly refuse to do things you don't want to do! Stop sexual-activity right-then and there!
Do not have sex while either-one of you is intoxicated; or under the influence of drugs!
It's your call; but I strongly recommend that you shouldn't have sex with this man again. He doesn't listen to warning, and dismissed what you said like it didn't matter.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (9 January 2019):
 If you have told him you don't do anal and he keeps trying then NO, he doesn't respect you. If you have told him this and he does it anyway it is rape.
Have the discussion, sit him down to talk and make sure he is listening, he needs to be looking directly at him when you tell him "I don't do anal. If you do it again it will be non consensual, which is rape. Do you understand"
If he tries it again after that then show him where to door is.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (9 January 2019):
 I wouldn't say he respects you not at all. If he is trying to have sex with you after you have said no then its rape. It seems very uncaring and disrespectful of him considering that you have told him no and because of what happened to you in the past. Honestly OP he doesn't sound like such a catch. Perhaps you should throw him back and cast out your net again? If you chose to continue seeing him I would tell him in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that anal sex is out of the question and if he tries it again you will consider it rape and press charges. Maybe that will cool his jets.
I personally would not see him again but thats just me
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 January 2019):
 Have you actually told him, when you are not in the middle of having sex, so that his brain is not being deprived of blood-flow, that you definitely do NOT want to do anal? If not, then you need to.
How does he treat you out of the bedroom? Is he respectful and considerate? Or does the lack of empathy and respect spill over into your day to day relationship?
Many men will "try it on" where anal is concerned but most understand when a woman says she does not want to go there, especially if she has had a bad experience, as you have.
One more thing I would add: take care if he actually gets any of his penis into your anus and then progresses to inserting it in your vagina. Bacteria which are harmless and "normal" in the anus should never be transferred to the vagina. You could end up with a nasty infection.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2019):
 Does he not respect you?
Well, that is a little on the iffy side as he might "think" he does EXCEPT when it comes to sex. In his mindset it might be that YOU are there willingly so you must be OK with whatever he does.
What I really don't like about his actions (as described) is that you TOLD him that you had been anally raped and it was a bad experience, THAT alone should make him ACCEPT that you probably NEVER will want to do anal EVER.
But he doesn't. He just wait a while and tries again.
If you HAVE spelled it out FOR him that you DO NOT want to do anal sex, that it is COMPLETELY off the table, he NEEDS to respect that boundary.
If you HAVEN'T spelled it out for him, actually TOLD him I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANAL - you should. However, that doesn't mean he won't try again.. with the same bullshit excuse, that he didn't know where he is sticking his dick.
You have only been together for 6 months. I'd rethink this relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 January 2019):
 So he basically raped you. Being a boyfriend doesn't mean you don't need to ask for consent, especially anal sex since it hurts. He does not respect women and has no empathy. His relationship is only centered around sex. He could care less about how you feel.
...............................
|
