A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys so firstly this us a follow on from a post at Christmas- thank you all for your excellent advice The situation was a mutual good friend had got himself involved with a girl we all knew was bad news- disrespected him, took money and generally treated him like a skivvy..The problem is he's entranced with her - we can all see from the outside what she's like We're not bad judges of character she really is awful and he could do way better.Also the sad thing is he's changed since being with her - dropped his old friends, has lied to several and become very selfish.Now he's asked her to marry him !We're all terrified but what can we do ?He's expecting people to go to Tanzania for the wedding with no thought as to how people would payHe's asking random people to be his best man - everyone's refused.Is he completely dense or ?Is it hopeless and we should all give up?He's making the biggest mistake of his life but won't listen to any of usJust to add it's not we're interfering it's because we care.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 January 2019):
 The more you tell him how wrong he is the more he will insist he isn’t.
Let the man make his mistake, he needs to realise on his own. You’ve tried to warn him and he hasn’t listeners so what else can you do? Leave the guy to it.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 January 2019):
 But here's the thing OP. You think you're not interfering but your friend thinks otherwise. He's not dense, he's not stupid, he's just a fool in love. He things the girl can do no wrong and she's probably programmed him to think that you guys are all out to "get" her and she's the poor victim. All this brings him even closer to her because he's her knight in shining armour. The more you try to discourage him, the more adamant he's going to get.
Let him be. It's his life, his decision. Go for the wedding if you want to, not because you're forced to. Hope to goodness that you're wrong about the girl and that your friend is happy. If not, it's his bed and he has to lie in it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (21 January 2019):
 Love is a very powerful drug it can make sane people do the craziest things. As they say "love is blind". He doesn't see or hear what you and his friends do and the harder you try to convince him he's doing the wrong thing, the more he will go against you.
Sometimes we just have to let people learn on their own, the hard way. The best thing that you can do is just be there if it all falls apart. I've been in your situation and I tried like crazy to keep my friend from being in a bad relationship but she just couldn't or wouldn't see the person for what and who they really were. What can you do? Kidnap him?? of course not.
People make bad decisions all the time when it comes to love. Just be there if and when he needs you. LOL..at Cindycare's advice "try not to say I told you so"...so true!!!
Don't worry about the wedding and not going...if you dont want to go then don't. Give him your best wishes and hope for the best. You tried to be a good caring friend. No matter what you know you tried to help. As the other aunts/uncles have said "hes a grown man and its his decision. No one forced him."
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 January 2019):
 Exactly, alas what can you do ?
You have told him already that you feel his is a bad idea and he chose to disregard your advice. As , tbh, he has any right to do, since he is a grown up man, does not depend from any of you financially, and he knows his own mind , what he wants and does not want. Unluckily, he wants this woman and is willing to risk having his heart broken ( and his wallet cleaned off ) as long as he can have her. Maybe he is not as naive as you think, perhaps he knows that there's a big element of risk in this relationship and he has decided that he cares enough to be willing to risk.
Dense ? Yes , people can become very dense and very oblivious when they fall in love, or in lust. If everybody always paid close attention to all the red flags- we at Dear Cupid would receive almost no more mail and would have to find a different hobby :)
Often people can only learn from their own mistakes and need to break their head agaunst a brick wall, before realizing that head banging against brick walls is no fun and a waste of time.
You friends have already voiced your opinions, to no avail. I would not insist anymore, because in fact , if you do, you make him even more stubborn, you contribute creating a sort of " we ( the couple ) against the whole world ( the friends )" mentality. I think it's started already, the change of attitude towards his friends does not mean, I think, rgar he suddenly changed his whole personality, but that he his distancing himself from possible negative comments, criticisms and unrequited advices. I know that you want to say or do something because you care , not because you want to interfere, But in his eyes, you ARE interfering, by not respecting a choice that he has already made.
Just hope for the best , while being prepared for the worst. And be ready to be there and help him pick up the pieces if it will be necessary in case things should go belly up ( and possibly without crying " I told you so ! ) As any good friend would do.
As for going to the wedding, just decline and do not feel guilty.Unless HE pays for your travel expenses, nobody is bound to pay what they cannot afford or get into debt just to go to a location wedding , not even that of your closest friend or relative.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2019):
 Yep, he is totally going to do this.
It's his life and his BIG mistake to make.
As to where he CHOOSES to get married, that is on him and his future wife, not his friends or their wallets. If you can't afford it or don't support his choice in partner, don't go.
He is a GROWN ASS MAN and is definitely ALLOWED to marry whomever HE SEES fit, he doesn't NEED your approval at all.
He is ALSO allowed to make whatever mistake he wants. Including marriage.
LET HIM come to the conclusion that this was a bad idea ALL on his own. The more friends/family try and tell him, the more he will be determined to go through with it.
Wish him well and let him go.
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