A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When me and my guy first got together about 8 months ago, he had his own vehicle, his own place to live with a roommate, a good paying job, and was easy to get along with. After about 5 months i agreed to let him move in with me but things went downhill fast as can be. He started drinking a few nights a week so heavily that he would pass out on the couch and often wet himself. Then we had a few arguments over small things and he lost his temper amd broke his phones, then another time punched the wall and broke his hand, requiring surgery. It took some arguing to finally get himto agree to go stay with his mom. I felt bad because he gave up his place to live with me but we just couldnt get along. I, on the other hand paid my bills up earlier this year with the intentions of taking time off of work to do some soul searching. Considering i havent had much bills to worry about in the last few months, i find it easy to live off 100 bucks or so a week. But when he broke his hand and had to be off work he often criticized me for not coming to his rescue, as he has a lot of debt hes been worried about, like payments on his exes ring and student loans etc. After he moved back in with his mom we gradually started talking again. A few weeks ago he went to the bar and got pulled over for drunk driving, thus loosing his liscence. His mom says that she feels im the cause of his money issues and that im lazy, though I'm not sure why it matters to her or even him what I'm doing for a living really. I agreed to let him stay here for tweeks to see if we could hardcore fix these issues but its been one week and he basically avoids me in my own house. Sleeps at completely different times than me even though he isnt working, and when were both up hes usually on the video games or doing things to occupy just himself. Says hes bored and that hes run out of things to talk about with me. He quit drinking since getting arrested, but it doesn't seem any better between us. I told him yesterday i thought he should go back home because i didnt think we were ready to try living together again and he guilt tripped me for leading him on and making him confused about his living situation. Last week i explained how it could work out here because i live in town unlike his mom, therefore he wouldnt need a car to find work, plus i drive and I'm established so i felt like that was taking a load off him. Now it just feels like he wants all that but wants me to leave him alone. Am i being used?
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (13 December 2018):
 OP, this is a man and a relationship that you walk away from as fast as you can and thank yourself later for not getting married to him. He is lazy, ungrateful, a user and a heavy drinker and worst of all he can be violent. The quicker you end things the better.
As the other aunts/uncles have said, get him out of your home and out of your life, block him and never look back. He has the potential to become a really abusive alcoholic. If he drinks to the point where he is wetting himself its really bad. If he gets violent to the point that he is making holes in the walls and breaking his hand then he is extremely DANGEROUS.
Run darling...be smart...be safe. As Honeypie wisely said, make sure you know who you are letting into your life and don't move too quickly. Respect yourself and want the best for yourself! You are too kind and he is walking all over you. Stop that pattern right now. Never let someone blame you for their problems. Good luck sweetie.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2018):
 I'm with YCABS,
You really have to ask?
Your BF is a mooch, his mom an enabler and you.. a doormat (sorry).
The BEST thing you can do for yourself is to LEAVE him alone. Break up and move on. Tell him to MOVE back in with his mother ASAP.
You can not FIX these issues, OP and here is why. HE takes NO responsibility for HIS actions. Drinking so much he pisses the couch? GROSS! Hitting walls when he is upset? (NOT GOOD) Blaming YOU for all HIS shortcomings? TOTAL LOSER!
Stop wasting your time on this loser. Cut him loose and focus on you. And I'd say next time you meet a guy, give it a good 12 months before even CONSIDERING moving in together and ONLY if he is stable and don't drink to a point where he passes out and pisses himself.
OP, YOU CAN DO sooooo much better than this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2018): Every single occurrence that he has blamed you for, is his fault. He is shameless, absolutely shameless in trying to guilt you in to thinking that you are to blame for ANY of his circumstances that have been brought to bear by him. Are you sure that his Mum said that about you also, or is he lying about that too. Even if she did really say that, it doesn't matter, but it goes some way to explain his entitled behaviour if his mother has brought him up to believe he can do no wrong.
He cares not one jot for you. Or about you. The man you met in the beginning was an act. A lie. This is the real man that you are living with now. Try to imagine yourself behaving this way with someone. Doing what he's doing now. Taking advantage of someone's kind nature, relying on them for everything, blaming them for everything and making yourself a pain in the backside. Would you ever behave like that? Of course not, because you know that you don't treat people this way.
He reminds me of an abusive boyfriend I lived with. He also punched a hole in the wall and then told me that I HAD broken his finger! These displays of violence are to show you what he's capable of by the way. He's not just losing his temper. He's letting you see that he can be violent. It's a warning, a veiled threat. I'm sure that you realise that on some level. That's why you're writing in here. You know that his behaviour is very, very wrong and I bet you anything that you don't feel safe around him.
I think/hope that you will predict that no-one here will advocate that you stay with him and try to work things out. There is no way that this man is suddenly going to become a decent human being, who sees the error of his ways and gives a damn. He will continue in this vein until he has bled you dry and ruined your good start in life. He knows a good thing when he sees it.
At least you know that when you broke up before, he left to go to his mother's. Hopefully he'll go there again this time. The only solution to your problem is to get rid of him and the sooner the better. Stand firm and don't let him make you feel bad. It's amazing that he can make YOU feel bad for all the crap he's been putting you through.
You sound like a lovely person, I hope you are shot of him today. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2018): And there lies the problem, his mother, teaching him it's everyone else's problem but his.
He is a bum, he was on his best behaviour at first to reel you in then he showed his true colours. He brings NOTHING good to your life and your relationship is still young.
Time to take off your rose tinted glasses thinking he must be decent because he used to be. He isn't, he's a user and this is no doubt his pattern in every relationship and his mother is just as bad!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 December 2018):
 Wow! Seriously? You actually NEED to ask that question?
This guy is a user - physically, financially and emotionally. You don't give his age but I am assuming he is an adult, not a helpless clueless child as he tries to make out he is. YOU are not responsible for him, his debts or his horrendous behaviour. You have obviously got your own life sorted out financially. Don't let this user drag you somewhere you don't want to be. It's not even like he is grateful. I'll tell you something: he would only piss on MY couch ONCE!
Despite your good heart (or maybe BECAUSE of it), he blames YOU for everything that is wrong with his life. Trust me, I have met men like him before, and he will NOT change. I bet the ex was "to blame" for everything that went wrong previously. He will always blame someone else for his own shortcomings and will never take responsibility for his own behaviour. Why are you even wasting time on him?
Tell him, IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, you are DONE with his appalling behaviour, you are NOT responsible for him and you want him OUT of your home and out of your life. Let his mother take care of him if that is what she wants. Then block him, change the locks if there is any chance he will come back and stop wasting time on this waste of space.
You mentioned you want to take some time out to do some soul searching. DO IT! And while you are at it, ask yourself why you allow people to take advantage of you in this way. You DESERVE so much better. Work on your sense of self worth and self esteem and vow to NEVER allow someone to use and abuse you in this way again.
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