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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Have you ever felt perplexed by a person's disinterest towards you?
Q. To keep it short, I've been having sex with this guy for almost 2 years. I'm fine that it's not a relationship. Things have been good, but there is one thing that's been on my mind. Firstly, yes, we always talk before sex, he'll sometimes tak...
A. 7 June 2018: You're in a FWB what do you expect? He's in it for sex and apparently that's ALL. He doesn't care about you, just the sex. If you can't handle the coldness you shouldn't be in the relationship..its as simple as that... (read in full...)
Is she interested? Or did she just want a little bit of fun?
Q. Try to keep this brief! Male, 44, been single eight years (I don't want children or to be a step parent, which makes it very difficult). Have several female friends, one of whom is 47 and been single eight months and has been away studying fo...
A. 5 June 2018: She doesn't know what she wants but she trust you very much as a friend and somehow she knows you won't push your advantage. I caution you to be careful with your heart because she really is sending out mixed signals and there no way any of us can ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is stingy, what should I do?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 8 months now and he doesn't get me anything, he doesn't buy me gifts, he doesn't give me money when am in need,and whenever I complain to him about it he always complain that he doesn't have money but yet he always ...
A. 2 June 2018: OP, you are young and sound immature. You shouldn't be expecting your boyfriend to buy you gifts. Maybe he doesn't have the money either! Its not his job or his responsibility to buy you things. I agree that you sound like you want a sugar daddy. ... (read in full...)
I’ve made an ultimatum for my cheating husband. Is it reasonable?
Q. Hello Cupids, Short question. My husband, who I have been with for 13 years, compulsively cheats on me. Last time, I kicked him out and begged him to get therapy, which he said he would. He didn’t, but kept telling me he planned to. Things got b...
A. 31 May 2018: I don't think an ultimatum will work. He's a serial cheater. He knows he can cheat and you will take him back. So STOP taking him back. Tell him this is it..one more and its OVER. You have to mean it though. It will never work if you back down every ... (read in full...)
Should I lie and say the baby is his?
Q. Ive made a mess but now ive got to grow up and sort it out. Me and my 'ex'boyfriend had a break , we didnt say what each other can or cant do and if we were going to get back together. I had a feeling he was seeing someone else but just left him to ...
A. 28 May 2018: OP don't lie. You know its not the right thing to do. I totally get that you feel alone and are afraid but considering lying about something so monumental is just wrong. Yes, you do need to "grow up" as you put it and take responsibility. That means ... (read in full...)
It drives me nuts! I can't live like she does.
Q. Does anyone else avoid thier partner? When I have time off I don’t mind, but my job has got really intense recently, I been working 10-11 hour days, and can’t sleep at night because of stress that I might lose my job. I don’t live with my partner, ...
A. 26 May 2018: Op, I see nothing in your post that says you love or need your girlfriend. You sound miserable and almost resentful. So why are you with her?? Life is too short, and spending time with a partner should be something you look forward to..not dread. ... (read in full...)
Which is more important Love or Sex??
Q. I have been married for 40 years this year. It was only 10 years ago that I discovered my husbands porn stash, he promised me he would never do it again, I believed him, only the cycle continues, he tries to hide it , I find it, he tells me he does ...
A. 23 May 2018: I would always chose love over sex. Its not that difficult to get sex if you really want it, but being loved is something precious and special, something to be cherished.
It all depends on who you are, what you have experienced in life and wher... (read in full...)
Anxiety and fear when alone
Q. Hi there. I am going to be staying alone because my fiance is going away for work for 3 nights. I have anxiety and fear being sick (it is something i have had my whole life). This fear is intensified when i am alone. It is probably worse because I ...
A. 20 May 2018: My husband is from Japan and twice a year he flies back home to see his family and friends. I do not usually accompany him because I don't like to fly and the 13 hour flight is more than I can handle, so I encourage him to go alone and enjoy ... (read in full...)
I know I should divorce him but I have no energy to do it!
Q. Hi, i feel very extremely frustrated with my marriage at the moment. We had 30 years together, many of them filled with tragic events and heartbreaking moments. I did have many years of counselling and friends help. But less and less understati...
A. 18 May 2018: I am in your age range and I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes even though we really want to do something, it can seem just too much to deal with and you just can't seem to draw the strength. Its obviously worse if you are not in good ... (read in full...)
How much of an issue is porn while getting into a serious relationship/marriage?
Q. How much of an issue is porn while getting into a serious relationship/marriage? I don't know if I'm addicted but I watch it everyday. I am currently single and I've noticed that I watch it even when I'm with someone. Do women take offence to their...
A. 18 May 2018: It depends on the woman. For some women, its a deal breaker so the guy lies about it, the woman finds out and then the problems start. Read the archives on here, you'll see how big of a problem it really is. For other women, its no big deal if it ... (read in full...)
Do I give my ex with a drinking problem a second chance?
Q. Do I give my ex with a drinking problem a second chance? I had been with my boyfriend for about 11 months now and I recently decided to end our relationship because of his drinking habit. I wasn't happy about his drinking early on but I t...
A. 16 May 2018: If I were you I'd stay far away from this man. If he can't control his drinking then he's either an alcoholic or turning into one. I was married to a man that became an alcoholic. He barely even drank when we married (maybe 1 beer when we had ... (read in full...)
I am upset at how he dealt with Mother’s Day! What would you do in my shoes?
Q. Hello. My bf and I are 35, cohabitating. We have kids but not with each other although I am quite close with his. I was really upset on mother’s day because I woke up to an empty, messy house but a gift and cards left out. Apparently he thought the ...
A. 15 May 2018: He was thoughtful and you were too dramatic. Its not like he didn't think about you or forgot you OP! Remember men aren't mind readers as much as we ladies like to think that they are and they don't know what we truly want unless we ask them or ... (read in full...)
He wants to get married and I just feel he isn't the right one. What to do?
Q. So I've been dating this guy for a little over a year. He is a good guy, makes me coffee in the morning, opens the door for me ect. I believe he wouldn't ever cheat on me. He helps out around the house a little. He even moved to another state with ...
A. 14 May 2018: Its a sad fact that sometimes we have to hurt others to find our own happiness and yours is one of those situations. If you don't love someone, you don't and you cannot make yourself feel what you don't. Get everything sorted out for yourself as ... (read in full...)
Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?
Q. I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...
A. 11 May 2018: A mistress has no real claims on a man, she's a side dish, eye candy. At the end of the day, the man is going to go home to his wife and kids and she will be alone waiting for the next clandestine meeting.
When you are alone, at least you have you... (read in full...)
Anyone else developed a conscience when they were about to start a FWB with a married person?
Q. Ok so I have been single over 6 years, I like being single, I have no one to answer too. But it's been a long time intimately just over 2 years! So I'm on a dating site, not looking for a quick bunk up but maybe friendship or fwb. I met this bloke ...
A. 8 May 2018: OP, glad to hear that you thought things over and decided against going forward with it. Many times people come on DC and they already know what they should or should not do, but just need to hear it from someone else, need that little push.
... (read in full...)
What would a woman feel if a man cried during marriage proposal?
Q. Dear Aunts, after almost 10 years in a relationship with my girlfriend, I proposed to her this past weekend. I did not planed to cry or anything, but as soon as I was asking her to be my wife, y started crying and I couldn't stop. I really felt bad ...
A. 8 May 2018: I would be thrilled if a man proposes to me and he began crying because it would show me how much it meant to him and then he was overcome with emotion. What a sweet caring and sensitive man you must be! Its nothing to be ashamed of sweetie. The ... (read in full...)
I don't want to throw 5 years down the pan but I don't know what else to do. Can you offer any advice?
Q. Hi, I'm facing a bit of a crossroads in my life and I'm hoping you guys can help me as you've helped me so many times before. I've been with my BF for 5 and a half years. On our 5 year anniversary he proposed and I said yes. We've talked abo...
A. 4 May 2018: I agree with CodeWarrior. WHY do you want to marry someone that you feel doesn't care about you, doesn't show any empathy? Do you think this will get better with time? It won't, it will get worse. If you don't completely trust him, don't marry him! ... (read in full...)
My marriage in in crisis because I've decided my wife is too skinny and her boobs aren't big enough.
Q. Hi everyone, Thank you so much for reading this. I am genuinely looking for advice regarding my marriage which is in a state of crisis right now. I will keep it as short as possible. TL;DR: I met my wife in an online relationship. We got marr...
A. 3 May 2018: Do your wife a favor. Divorce her, it would be the kindest thing you can do. You never should have "caved in" and married her feeling the dissatisfaction that you felt even then.
Your post saddens me although I know there are many people like you... (read in full...)
Is it okay to delete from your life a parent (father, in my case) that has never cared for you?
Q. Long story short - my parents separated (my mother and I got kicked out of the house) and later on divorced when I was 1. My father never paid a dime of child support. Times were different and it was very hard for my mother to legally force him to ...
A. 2 May 2018: I'm going to pass on some advice that a very wise man told me when I was younger. It has comforted me at times when I feel very low about my relationship with my mother. I love her, but I don't like her and she has hurt me very deeply over the years ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex married lover want to fix things?
Q. I really don't know what to anymore about my situation. I left my married lover because it was the right thing to do and it was hurting me. We are both military (one outranks the other) so it complicates things in terms of actually having a ...
A. 1 May 2018: OP, you're a little too old to be playing innocent. You must know why he wants you back. He misses the thrill, the excitement, the sneaking around and of course the sex. He may care for you, but its very unlikely he'll leave his wife for you. BLOCK ... (read in full...)
I thought we were friends but he blocked me.
Q. I had met this guy 2 years ago. He came up to me at school and asked me if I wanted to study the bible. He was with a group of friends. So I Said yes.at that time he was our campus minister for the young adults In out church. And for the longest ...
A. 29 April 2018: People are very weird on social media, its why I don't use it. Many of them are very fake. You did the right thing by removing him. If he ever should try to befriend you again on it, I'd block him and if meeting in person I certainly wouldn't let ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being the other woman but love him too much to let go.
Q. I have been seeing A married guy for nearly 8 months. He spending every free moment with me we do things we go away sometimes, we talk on the phone multiple times a day every single day. He has been great fI me, He’s caring, attentive, Generous ...
A. 24 April 2018: OP, until you wake up and realize that you are worth far more than this man can offer you, you are going to be miserable. The few stolen moments that you have together are never going to be enough for you but that is all that he will ever be able to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he liked my skinnier self and now I'm very hurt.
Q. I need help. Just had a big fight with my boyfriend of 5 years. We are in a hotel room travelling to Memphis and we were enjoying a week long road trip. I've put on some weight since we met. But then so has he. He had once told me he would...
A. 24 April 2018: Loaded question...how could he win? A damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. I agree that he never said he didn't love you. You asked for the truth, he gave it and now you're not happy. Don't ask questions if you can't handle the truth. ... (read in full...)
My hsband left me for another woman but wont considera divorce.
Q. My husband left me with other woman his (mistress) it's been 2 weeks now since he left. I'm 37 yr old My husband is 54 and his mistress is 45 year old she's older than me . I want to divorce him coz I don't trust him no more . But my husband ...
A. 17 April 2018: Get yourself some legal advice. Most lawyers offer a free consultation. Don't let your husband bully you. My ex husband (alcoholic) didn't want a divorce either. Too bad. They can't stop you from filing. It is more complicated and it normally costs ... (read in full...)
He compliments others and insults me.
Q. My partner of many years verbally attacked me for the things I do to 'beautify' myself such as have hair nails and skin appointments etc done . I have never had cosmetic surgery and am not going to. He says I'm insecure and he wants someone who is ...
A. 16 April 2018: I am in your age category. I wouldn't want a partner like yours. A partner should build you up, bring you joy, not make you feel sad and insecure. End the engagement and walk away. You deserve better. ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a 48 year old man who lives in utter filth and doesn't know what he wants from life
Q. I've Been seeing a 48 year old man for about 5 weeks now. He is not physically attractive in anyway. I looked past all this because I am actually pursuing a serious relationship and my criteria isn't based on looks. It would help but doesn't matter. ...
A. 15 April 2018: The big question is WHY are you even bothering? There are tons of men on the planet. Why go out with someone that you are so turned off by? Its not like he's the only left man left on the planet. There is no logic behind this unless you are ... (read in full...)
Can we really be future friends respectively?
Q. Same sex best friends for four years and we crossed the line and had emotional and physical affIr for 4 months. We are both married and won’t leave our husbands and families. We still work together and continue to have lunch and talk at work only ...
A. 14 April 2018: OP, I don't want you to think I am bashing you but you have asked about this situation at least 3 times. It obviously distresses you greatly. There is no way that any of us can honestly tell you what may happen in the future but I wouldn't say that ... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair wih my fiance's best friend.
Q. I’m engaged due to be married September, I’ve started having an affair with one of his best friends. Now I don’t know whether I love his best friend. He’s asked me to not get married. My fiancé is a good man great father and stable. His frien...
A. 12 April 2018: Return the ring and let your soon to be ex fiance have the freedom to find a girl who will appreciate what being a fiance means. No way should you marry the guy. Its messed up and dishonest. Face up to what you have done. The best friend isn't a ... (read in full...)
Can I get an std from someone using no protection who came back with a clean bill of health
Q. So I have 2 sex partners and both are clean ( before you question how I am sure, I have had both men take std tests as well as taken one myself so everyone is safe) but I’m curious if I can still get an std from either of them from unprotected sex? ...
A. 12 April 2018: Of course you can because that was just for that period of time. If both of them are having sex with others then they could easily pass something on to you. Why on earth are you having unprotected sex anyways? Not too smart missy. Use your head and ... (read in full...)
I need advice, I believe my family are scheming against me.
Q. A great site....lots of commonsense advice. I am having a tough time with my siblings and not the first time. About three years back I posted that they were forcing me to pay bank my 9k inheritance from my moms estate. As executor and power of attor...
A. 7 April 2018: OP, it is sad that you feel uncomfortable and you dont trust your family but it does happen, it isn't just your family believe me. When my ex husband was put into a nursing home and dying, his sister was the executor of his estate. She thought he ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend’s dad just sexually harrass me!? I’m crying
Q. My boyfriends dad just sexually harrased me?! I feel so embarrased to even write this! Please help I am in shock I live with my boyfriends parents and something happened I was eating late meal in the kitchen and he came in, we were having a ...
A. 7 April 2018: If you aren't going to tell your boyfriend then you most definitely need to stand up for yourself. Do not EVER let that man touch you again! Yell, scream and most definitely slap his hands away if possible but tell him in no uncertain terms that he ... (read in full...)
Is he telling the truth about the state of his marriage?
Q. I’m seeing a married man for a number of years. I am in no rush to spending my whole life with but I do love him, he says he is in a sexless marriage, that his wife has no sex drive yet iv seen photos of them with her arm around him yet he doesn’t ...
A. 3 April 2018: OP, no offense but aren't you a little old to be so clueless? He's a married man lying to his wife, cheating on his wife and you wonder if he would lie to you??? Girl..take off the rose colored glasses. He will say ANYTHING to keep you around. ... (read in full...)
Should I accept a screen role with nudity?
Q. Hi uncle and aunties. I need some advice. I am an aspiring actress who is still in the middle of completing my bachelors degree at uni. I have done occasional work in TV commercials when I was a child growing up in my home country. I have also acted ...
A. 29 March 2018: It depends on what kind of a person you are, what you can live with now and later on in life. Some people have done nude photo shoots, roles and live to regret it every single day. Just remember once on the internet, always on the internet. Your ... (read in full...)
Am I right to not trust him? Can a marriage survive on no trust?
Q. I've been married for 12 years, have 2 beauitful children. Recently found out that a woman my husband works with has a crush on him. They've worked together for 18 months but I was led to believe that they just worked for the same company, in...
A. 28 March 2018: No relationship can survive without trust unless the person just totally ignores everything going on and chooses to never acknowledge that something is wrong. A relationship with no trust is like a building built on sand. It won't be able to stand ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has a bruise on his neck. Is he cheating? I'm afraid to ask
Q. I saw a strange bruise on my boyfriend's neck yesterday. He always accuses me of cheating but I've been very faithful. We've been together for over a year and it has been really hard. I made the mistake of lying to him about going to a party about 6 ...
A. 28 March 2018: This is the kind of relationship that you don't walk away from, you RUN away from. You are young and perhaps haven't been in a relationship with a nice guy who treats you well but for you to settle for a guy who treats you like your boyfriend is ... (read in full...)
Is it my destiny to be forgotten?
Q. Is it normal to be "invisible" to everyone? I know there are billions of us on this planet and we are all invisible unless we are famous, but that's not what I mean..! Am talking about to those who know us in life.. friends colleagues...
A. 27 March 2018: OP, I think most of of us feel this way once in awhile. What you need to remember is what really counts is how you feel about yourself. We are who we want to be, not who someone thinks we are. Do you like yourself? Are you happy with yourself? Why ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is too promiscuous to me. Break up?
Q. Dating for a few months I'm 30 she's 22, yesterday I found out a lot of pictures of her with her ex on her facebook from a few years ago. I asked her why she keeps them and she said she forgot to delete and that doesn't make any sense since they're ...
A. 23 March 2018: Wow OP...some pretty bad names you called her. Most people do have a past, don't you? Break up with her, you have disrespected her by calling her such names and obviously think you are better than her. SHE deserves better. ... (read in full...)
I don’t want to hurt this new man, and I also don’t want to wind up in a controlling relationship! Advice please!
Q. Hello, so I have two questions, both are related. First a bit of background, I was in a relationship with (and married to) a man who ended up being a narcissist and was abusive. (verbally, mentally, sometimes physically) We were together 7 and half...
A. 22 March 2018: My advice is a little stronger than the other aunts/uncles on here because my ex husband was very insecure and controlling. When I was 8 months pregnant and going to my former high school's football game with my parents, my mom put some make up on ... (read in full...)
My ex has said sorry after many years, but I want her to apologise for more!
Q. My ex apologised in a MSG many years after we broke up but all she said was sorry things were said. A lot more than things were said and I'm not an emotional person. She went out of her way to get to me on numerous occasions because I wasn't b...
A. 20 March 2018: Why? Why after all this time are you still letting someone that has been out of your life bother you? Affect you? Anger and bitterness are as the other aunts have stated like a slow poison, slowly circling through your body, making you weak and ... (read in full...)
I wish I could find a big "jock" guy to treat me as this man does.
Q. Hi, am a 59 year old single woman, been dating this guy for five months, but am very busy, he wants more, but I don't have the time, we have fun one night a week, I haven't introduced him to family or friends, he comes on real strong,you know, ...
A. 19 March 2018: We all are attracted to a certain look in a mate so if this an isn't doing it for you, why continue to date him? It isn't fair to him. If his kindness and thoughtfulness aren't what you want and you don't feel any physical attraction to him, then ... (read in full...)
Which of these potential partners is my best match?
Q. Ok, So this is going to be kind of lengthy so bear with me... So to start off I've been single for a long time, 6 years to be exact. Recently I've decided to get back out in the dating pool and see what happens. Oddly enough, I've met a coupl...
A. 17 March 2018: If you have to sit there and try to figure out which guy to date, actually list their qualities and then go on the internet and ask complete strangers which guy...then none of them! Dating should be fun and not all complicated and trying to force ... (read in full...)
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