A
male
age
36-40,
*jekim
writes:ive just turned 30 and I've been sad and alone recently. Every time i asked a girl out either: they're gay, not dating "right now", or see me better as a friend. recently things in my life haven't been going well. personal failures and life have made things feel horrible. Ive noticed that I'm hornier way more than usual. i find myself way more easily aroused than usual and masturbating almost twice a day. Lucky it's not effecting my life, but i so aroused all the time. What is wrong with me and what can i do to stop this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2019): Masturbation becomes habitual when you don't find other outlets for your frustrations. You're young and healthy. At an age that your hormones are exploding, and your sex-drive is at its peak. You simply have to practice some self-control and find another activity to keep your hands off your junk.
The idle-mind and body has to find something for stimulation or recreation. During puberty, we discover self-stimulation.
Sometimes too much rough friction from masturbation desensitizes your penis or causes rawness. It takes longer to get hard; or stay hard during penetration while having intercourse. It's debatable, but you'll know from personal-experience. There's also the problem when you do have the opportunity to be intimate with a woman; you'll feel more detached from the person you're trying to emotionally connect to. You'll get too used to self-gratification.
There's nothing wrong with you. Speaking from a man's point of view; it happens to most, if not all of us. It's normal.
It's not strictly the act of masturbation alone per se; but the euphoria that comes after ejaculation. You get hooked on dopamine and the endorphins sexual-activity produces; which is what the porn industry takes complete advantage off.
Put a blocker on your devices. Take a few cold showers. Go take a jog or run; or do some pushups to distract yourself.
Get a hobby, so you can have a creative or intellectual outlet during times you're alone. Perfect a challenging craft to the degree of expertise. That takes concentration and focus; which gives you mind-control. Laziness or self-pity makes the mind self-centered. You slowly go bonkers. Control the impulses, don't let them control you. Don't get hooked on computer games, that's just another addiction.
I know it's tough, because just about everything we view on TV, video, movies, or on magazines; is sexually-suggestive, or outright sexually-explicit. A constant feed of sexual-innuendo or mild erotica. Billboards on the side of buses, the subway ads, and repetitive commercials that constantly saturate TV and the internet. You have to tune it out. Shutoff your TV, phone, tablet, and laptop.
Join a gym that has a pool and sauna. Swimming works every single muscle in the body. The steam from a sauna eases stress and anxiety; which is what masturbation also does, but it becomes too addictive. That's due to its short-term effect. It can become a problem; if you watch too much porn, or give-in to the urge each and every-time it hits you.
Go take a walk, or a long drive. Get your mind off sex; and don't put your hands in your pockets too much. Keep your hands away from your privates; and it won't constantly remind you how friendly they are.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 January 2019):
 Do you want to stop masturbating? Easy, you just stop. Do you want to stop being horny all the time? Don't think you can. Apparently, this is what your body just wants right now. Good news though! If you're depressed, the sex drive is usually the first to go, so you're not depressed. You're just feeling stuck in a rut, and maybe masturbating is the part of you rday where you dont feel worried or overwhelmed by everything else in life?
My advice to you is to stop saying that "every girl" rejects you. Right now, you have't had a "yes". But that doesn't mean its permament. Also, what exactly are you asking these women? Are you asking simply for sex? In which case, you need to work on looking your best if all you want is a one night stand. But if you're asking for relationships, try to change your game. These days it's all about online dating, exspecially in your age group. Women around the age of 30 know what they want, and they dont want bars and clubs and wasting their time. So they go online, fill out their profile, and wait for a guy who can read and who will match their needs and desires. So my advice to you is to hit the net. Search some profiles, and give it about 6 months. Ask out A LOT of girls, because you'll only get a response from about 10%.
Next, if you're feeling sad and alone, how are your friendships doing? Do you have friends? Do you meet them? Call one of them today just to catch up. Maybe ask to hang out and see a movie, or go do some activity. Just getting up and about and actually interacting with other humans, is an effective awway to lose that "loneliness" feeling. Even if you're not feeling a close connection, it will still make you feel better mentally, and will make you relax more.
Does that sound like a plan?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (22 January 2019):
 We all have down times and periods where we feel low. It happens to all of us. You need to do something with your extra time and energy. Why not take up a new hobby? Volunteer somewhere where you can get out and meet with others that have similar interests? I have found that nothing makes me feel better than when I am helping for a good cause, whether it be volunteering at a hospital, a homeless shelter, an animal shelter...It forces you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and be grateful for what you have and it just warms your heart.
Go online and see if there are any hobbies that you can take up where they have get togethers, meetings ect.
You can always try joining an online website for dating if you are having trouble meeting people? Just be careful. There are good people that can't find someone just watch out for the scammers and the catfishers.
Chin up...things will turn around but you have to do something about things..don't just sit around waiting for change. Make it happen. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2019): Your body is telling you that you are in good shape but your mind is denying it.
You are close to your prime.
Nature will presumably send you an appropriate mate so you don't have to hunt so much.
Stay cool and be certain that you will soon meet the lady you are looking for.
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A
male
reader, ju5tS0m3Guy  +, writes (22 January 2019):
I feel for you. Loneliness is hard to overcome. I think the biggest issue here is your self confidence is fading. You need to build yourself back up. People are attracted to confidence. Think about what is preventing you from feeling confident. Are you shy? lazy? out of shape? etc. And then do something about it. Self improvement is a great way to build confidence. It might take some time. Be patient with yourself. Maybe focus on just one thing for now. For example, I am a very shy person. This has really held me back both personally and professionally. I decided I wanted to be better. So I joined a toast master’s club, and I go to meetup events, volunteer, etc. Anything that will force me into social situations. It’s hard and uncomfortable for me and I always look for excuses to avoid going, but it has really helped me. I feel better about myself and I’ve made some new friends.Everyone feels lonely and unhappy at times. Don’t be so hard on yourselfAs for dates, don’t let rejection discourage you. It’s great that you’re putting yourself out there. Don’t give up. It only takes one yes to find your fish in the sea.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 January 2019):
 Nothing is wrong with you; you’re just in a low mood and stuck in a rut. Work on those two things and you’ll get your mojo back, having more success in life and dating - though you’ll need to make sure you’re approaching women who are interested in you and are compatible, which online dating tends to be good for. That said, no more dating until you improve your mood and the rut.
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