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... Send *ella555 a private message | | | *ella555's profile:After a few years without any relationships because of work, school, and various family stuff, and a few disastrous dates (yikes!), I found my soul mate, who has stranded me in relationship limbo. Fool that I am, I still want him back, so I float here in the hopes someone knows the magic words, the elusive stratagem, or can lend me the keys to this joint and I can escape. I just found out my ex has been pursuing someone else, all while baiting and teasing me, stringing me along like a toy truck. Greater fool that I am, I still want him back. Help...I'm not as stupid as this sounds, so why am I in this mess?!?
After some thought, I wanted to amend this brief bio by answering my own question. I'm in this mess because of myself, and the tragic, idiotic mistakes I made in what was a very promising relationship. I hope my pain can offer others perspective, and they can glean some value from my missteps and make their relationships work. |
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A bit infatuated with my stalker
Q. I have made an unbelievably bad decision. This might be a little long, so thank you in advance for reading. I have no one to turn to, not because i don't have anyone but because i do not think anyone would understand. Ill start at the beginning...
A. 1 December 2010: Thanks for the update. I'm glad your friends are looking out for you. Is there any way you can take a different route to school? If you try that, and he starts showing up on those streets, you need to tell your folks and/or the authorities.
Take ... (read in full...)
He's saying he needs time to get his mind straight... what do I do?
Q. I have been in a relationship for about 8 months i met him thru an online dating site.... we had an immediate connection, things were really really great.... now hes saying he needs time 2 get his mind straight... but im not sure if its about our ...
A. 30 November 2010: Hi,
For both your sakes, I hope he's being honest with you, and he really needs a bit of time to sort out his head. There are some guys who really have too much on their plate and must slow or pause other aspects of their lives in order to get t... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when I've traveled 1,200 miles just to get rejected?
Q. Well I met this girl on facebook and we started chatting casually. We were truely interested in each other. We talked and texted on the phone with alot of pictures for a couple months and so I decided to make the trip over this thanksgiving holiday ...
A. 30 November 2010: Geronimo, I feel for you. It's tough when you make all that effort only to be disappointed. I was wondering what transpired between the two of you this weekend, other than your conversation with its less than stellar conclusion--where and how did ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when I've traveled 1,200 miles just to get rejected?
Q. Well I met this girl on facebook and we started chatting casually. We were truely interested in each other. We talked and texted on the phone with alot of pictures for a couple months and so I decided to make the trip over this thanksgiving holiday ...
A. 30 November 2010: What exactly happened? Can you offer more details?
There seem to be people who engage in online relationships with no intention of allowing fantasy to become reality...it's almost as if the eventual meeting, if one gets planned, is some sort of ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm the glue that holds this family together!
Q. So how do I start this out. This is a family issue, not mine but my parents and brother. I've been living with my older brother and parents well since I was born anyway. It's a long story, and I will try to keep it short and right to the point....
A. 30 November 2010: It's inevitable that you and your brother go your own ways eventually anyway, as you're both young men, but that doesn't mean your family will have disbanded. Once you and your brother start living independently, all your family members may grow a ... (read in full...)
The new guy seems perfect but I can't let go of my ex?!
Q. I was previously married a while ago, the marriage didn't last, and we split up when I was 25. I had a very flirtatious relationship with another guy, and we ended up getting together right after my split, but then he decided to give his ex one last ...
A. 30 November 2010: You most certainly can give up your ex, and you should. All of us get comfortable at times with what has become familiar, even if the situation isn't what's best for us. Complacency and holding on to who and what you've acknowledged as your past may ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he understand?
Q. I have been with my fiance for almost 7 years and known him for longer than that! We were also business partners and the best of friends suring our relationship. He cheated, I forgave him, then I found out he kept cheating on and off for 3 years! ...
A. 30 November 2010: Aunty BimBim speaks the truth--he's angry because your knowledge of his clandestine actions spoils all the fun and takes away the control he believed he had over you and your relationship. I have encountered those who thought their separate lives ... (read in full...)
I just don’t know if I want to invest possibly years of my life and give more of my heart just to get it broken...
Q. I’ve been dating the same man now for over a year. We are both over 40, have our own homes and even though work is really tough right now we both have had successful careers and will again. We spend most of our free time with each other and have a ...
A. 30 November 2010: It's terrible to think someone is using you as a placeholder, hoping to change their situation at any time to your detriment. I understand your frustration, and it seems you are hesitating in confronting him about your dissatisfaction as you fear he ... (read in full...)
A bit infatuated with my stalker
Q. I have made an unbelievably bad decision. This might be a little long, so thank you in advance for reading. I have no one to turn to, not because i don't have anyone but because i do not think anyone would understand. Ill start at the beginning...
A. 29 November 2010: I fear you're looking for attention from the wrong sources. From your description, this guy sounds on the verge of disturbed, if not all the way there by now. He's interacting with you on a level that's more appropriate to people who are actually ... (read in full...)
Can anyone shed some light on why people behave like this?
Q. What would you do if you were the victim of an emotionally abuse relationship and out of the blue your exgf sent you a breakup email blaming you for the breakup based on behaviors that were exhibited by her and never you? Then nearly a year later ...
A. 29 November 2010: You and I are adrift in the same boat, and I know we are not the only passengers out here on these rough seas whipped up by the unnecessary cruelty of those we love or have loved. You probably won't get direct answers from people who behave in the ... (read in full...)
Can someone please translate this guy-speak?
Q. Hey, can any guys or girls reading this please translate some guy speak for me? I've been with my bf for 2 months. He showed me a text he sent to his female friend who he has known for years about a party they're going to next week. He'd tex...
A. 29 November 2010: I'm not a guy, but I'll hazard a guess here...I think his use of neutral terms in describing you to his friend was simply a means of quickly and safely answering a question in a medium that severely limits language use and expression, the good ole ... (read in full...)
Husband doesn't like being with me in Public
Q. I'm 38 and married to a younger man. He and I have great chemistry at home (awesome, in fact) but he completely withdraws and doesn't want to be with me in public. I love to dance and he will not dance with me in public although he will dance with ...
A. 29 November 2010: Wow.
I can tell you're in a lot of pain, because you truly love this man and went willingly and with the best intentions into this relationship, but...you're being used. You've stated it yourself, without any need to sort through hints or subtleti... (read in full...)
I'm really shocked at something my friend did and I don't know how to talk to her about it
Q. I have had this friend since I was a toddler. I really care about her but something has happened. You see, she did something with this other guy which quite frankly I am shocked about. I can't believe she would do such a thing. And just to top it ...
A. 29 November 2010: Hi,
It's obvious you're a caring, empathetic person, and your friends mean a great deal to you. However, it is difficult to address your concerns without knowing what has happened between those friends that has you so alarmed. Please offer mo... (read in full...)
Could his social-status keep us apart?
Q. Is it wrong to think he's too good for me? Theres a guy i like, a lot, and i havent known him for very long, he's quite shy but is friends with a lot of 'popular' people from our old schools and seems to be the general joker of the group. He seems ...
A. 28 November 2010: If you're as concerned as you seem about your former school statuses getting in the way of a potential relationship, you may want to give your attempts to start anything with him some time. The designations that weigh so heavily on how people are ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants my baby to remember me by
Q. ok im going out with this girl in new york but im moving to florida and were in love and she wants to have a baby that she can keep so it like a piece of me i cant even tell my parents anything how would i tell them how would i tell her mom i dont ...
A. 28 November 2010: Not a chance, that's what your answer must be. Suitable souvenirs of relationships that don't work out for whatever reason do not include a vulnerable hunk of living human flesh that will require care for the next twenty plus years or so.
Have ... (read in full...)
I think it's time to divorce my high school sweetheart!
Q. I married my high school sweet heart. We have 3 young children. It wasn't easy for us to be together and I risked a lot to stay with him. He was an incredible young man, so loving, so naive and yet I felt so taken care of in his company. I adored ...
A. 28 November 2010: Cerberus Raphael has hit the nail right on the head with his question--what does your husband lie about? Are these small issues, or has he gone as far as breaking his marriage vows to you? The only way your marriage will survive is if the two of you ... (read in full...)
Should I go for it or am I setting myself up for a fall?
Q. This girl's a housemate of two friends. Let's call her M. Of course, I like M. Last Tuesday was her birthday, and two friends of hers (a boy and a girl) came up to visit her. The next day she tried to hide the fact that she had a guy around for what ...
A. 28 November 2010: Of course you're setting yourself up for a fall, but the risk is certainly worth it, don't you think? She could say yes, after all, and you'd embark on the fragile but fun beginnings of a brand new relationship, and all the wonder and euphoria that ... (read in full...)
How do you get back out there?
Q. I'm still suffering from a shattered heart, and I know I'm not in any way ready to begin dating again, but I'm wondering how on earth you get back out there once it's time. Do you have to force yourself? Is it easier to just attend parties or ...
A. 28 November 2010: Thanks for your kind replies--you both offer the encouragement I know I need to hear. During and since all the rigmarole with my ex, I've had offers from an interesting spectrum of guys, meaning there were actually a few acceptable men in the bunch. ... (read in full...)
She dropped me like a hot potato!
Q. Well I was in a one year relationship with a woman who was 17 years older than me. she was tring hard to get in a serious relationship with me but I told her we can't have something because the age gap is big. It was a friend with benefit ...
A. 28 November 2010: Hi,
I've had friends morph into strangers the way yours has, and you're right, it hurts like hell. You try to reach them after they turn cold, and no matter what tactic you employ, it's akin to trying to stop a river flowing with your hands. T... (read in full...)
I've Made Every Possible Mistake
Q. As the title states, I'm in deep over my head. I met and got into an intense relationship with a great guy last year, one which he broke off with claims of needing time to heal from the relationship he was in before us. Though we were only involved ...
A. 28 November 2010: Hi,
I'm sorry for your pain too. It blows my mind the extent of the hurt this man has caused you; there's no way he should have had any expectation you'd alter your entire life for a relationship he didn't seem to value. I could see moving o... (read in full...)
What can I do about my mother? I don't have the money to move out!
Q. my mother is driving me absolutely crazy... i used to think she was just lazy or didn't care but i'm convinced she's really passive aggressive and does stupid things on purpose to piss me the fuck off.. she'll eat and leave dishes in my room gets ...
A. 27 November 2010: Your situation sounds deplorable, and I'm sorry you are suffering so unnecessarily. There is no plausible reason why you should be subjected to your mother's behavior, which is compounded by her obvious boundary issues with her own daughter. Why ... (read in full...)
Heartbreak Lead to a Heart Attack
Q. Is it possible to suffer a heart attack from a broken heart! I can't breathe......
A. 27 November 2010: You are probably suffering from anxiety, a regrettably common reaction to situations we cannot control. Chest pains may warrant a trip to the emergency room, but if you are suffering from shallow breath, shakiness, diminished attention and focus, ... (read in full...)
I will lose my best friend if I let my ex back into my life!
Q. I dated this guy on and off for about a year, and we were friends for like 4 years prior to that. He was pretty much my everything, and we knew each other better than almost anyone. We were inseparable. It was very rare for us to not be together. ...
A. 27 November 2010: Your family and friend's urge to protect you is admirable, if somewhat misguided. You are entitled to see whom you please, and it's a decision you must make, not them. However, you must try to be responsible and make an informed decision--this guy ... (read in full...)
She dropped me like a hot potato!
Q. Well I was in a one year relationship with a woman who was 17 years older than me. she was tring hard to get in a serious relationship with me but I told her we can't have something because the age gap is big. It was a friend with benefit ...
A. 27 November 2010: My impression is that she's a bit on the vengeful side, as you refused to take your relationship to the level she wanted. Now she's got the relationship she claimed she wanted with you, and has determined to push your nose in it, as it were. I ... (read in full...)
I feel like he's cheating!
Q. My husband and I have been together 6 years and married three. From the beginning I told him that if he cheats that's it. He hasn't physically cheated but I still feel like he is cheating. In the beginning I found text message's on his phone. They ...
A. 27 November 2010: He definitely knows he's pushing your buttons, and it's sad he feels he needs to do this to his wife and the mother of his children. Sounds like he's a natural flirt--is he like this in social settings, or just social media? A little harmless ... (read in full...)
I don't understand him! Help!
Q. i have a best friend and we like eachother but he has a girl friend and they keep breaking up and getting back togeather. one time recently they had broken up and i had gone to his house with frinds for a bond fire, and we started cuddling, and we ...
A. 27 November 2010: You can't make him like you more than his girlfriend, or anyone else for that matter. His loyalties seem to be to her, regardless of the revolving door they have for a relationship. Try backing off him a bit--stay friends, of course, but limit the ... (read in full...)
Should I fight for a LDR or be single at uni?
Q. Hi All, Okay, so the situation I'm in. I'm in a relationship with a gorgeous, successful 25 year old man who lives back home in London. He's perfect for me and I can see us making a life for eachother, we have the same goals and ideals. He makes...
A. 27 November 2010: Hi Lucy,
Long distance relationships are really arduous, as you're discovering. While dealing with the limitations and frustrations of a LDR myself, I received some sage advice from a colleague who been in one also, and survived the distance... (read in full...)
Getting an Ex Back--Extreme Cases
Q. Has anyone ever gotten back together with their ex though the odds were significantly against the reunion? Have you ever made terrible, catastrophic, or fatal mistakes in a relationship and still managed to find your way back to each other? H...
A. 27 November 2010: Hi Dornraben,
Thank you for your insightful and detailed reply, and for your sympathy and empathy as well. That type of kindness goes a long way these days, indeed.
Our situations do bear similar markings, as I probably behaved the way ... (read in full...)
Getting an Ex Back--Extreme Cases
Q. Has anyone ever gotten back together with their ex though the odds were significantly against the reunion? Have you ever made terrible, catastrophic, or fatal mistakes in a relationship and still managed to find your way back to each other? H...
A. 25 November 2010: Dornraben,
I would love to hear of the couple you know that managed to reconnect, even in the vaguest manner, if that is not too much of a bother.
When it comes to my own misfortune, I have endured a long separation after an intense relation... (read in full...)
I want kids but I'm scared to have sex
Q. Im scared to have sex but i want kids and im scared to lose me virginity beacuse i dont want to go there the pain of getting my cherry popped. can someone give me advice???...
A. 25 November 2010: It's a relief to hear you're not considering parenthood now. The way you phrased your question definitely implied that was the motivation behind your interest in becoming sexually active. You do realize you can have sex without having children, if ... (read in full...)
After many months I still can't get over my ex
Q. I still cant get over my ex !! :( It's been so many months now..and I still end up thinking about him all the time. I dont know what to do :( :( :(...
A. 25 November 2010: Sneha, you are totally welcome. I hope things go your way and happiness ensues for you both. Trust yourself and that you deserve to be loved and treated well, and don't accept any less!... (read in full...)
Says he wants us just to be friends, for my sake.
Q. Hi everyone. Sorry for this being so long and for it lacking in detail but i'm a little confused about this guy that i really like and need a bit of advice. He asked me out a few months ago but we broke up after two weeks because he felt that we ...
A. 25 November 2010: I believe it's the latter, that he doesn't want to get back together, and he's using external forces/problems as a means of not being direct with you. When relationships proceed at a fast pace, it's ridiculously hard to resurrect them after they ... (read in full...)
I'm 17, he's 30, is the age difference too much?
Q. My family owns some hotels on the beach and i have always been very involved with them.. i plan on taking over when i'm in college. Over the years, i have become pretty close with one of our bartenders. We've always had a ton of fun together and had ...
A. 25 November 2010: Question is, will you still have the same feelings for him in a few years? Possibly. Or you may meet awesome guys in your age range at college and it won't be an issue anymore anyway. The age difference is striking for the obvious reasons, and ... (read in full...)
How do I control my emotions for my ex?
Q. ~I'm Out of Control~ I can't sleep. I don't know how to control my emotions when it comes to my Ex and so I always end up taking a mile when she gives me an inch. My emotions for my ex feel so good...but...at the same time they have me so un...
A. 24 November 2010: I lost my ex bf, potentially forever, because I couldn't get a handle on my wild, out of control feelings for him. Plus, I suffered from a severe lack of confidence that I deserved the relationship and his love. My insecurities and anxieties caused ... (read in full...)
Shall I rekindle this love?
Q. hello please help me out here i was carrying with a girl from last 2 years we both used to love each other suddenly i left her after one year i got in touch with her and now i love her and she to loves me but when i asked her how did she passed one ...
A. 24 November 2010: If you truly want to be with her, and she's expressed a willingness to get back together also, then you must accept she was involved with someone else while you were broken up. Don't question her excessively about her other relationship, and be sure ... (read in full...)
I want kids but I'm scared to have sex
Q. Im scared to have sex but i want kids and im scared to lose me virginity beacuse i dont want to go there the pain of getting my cherry popped. can someone give me advice???...
A. 24 November 2010: If your age range on this site is accurate, why on earth would you want to be the parent to a child, when technically, you're still a kid?!? I know that teenagers don't want to be told they're kids, but honestly, you don't have the perspective, life ... (read in full...)
I've Made Every Possible Mistake
Q. As the title states, I'm in deep over my head. I met and got into an intense relationship with a great guy last year, one which he broke off with claims of needing time to heal from the relationship he was in before us. Though we were only involved ...
A. 24 November 2010: I appreciate your frank and heartfelt answers! I have just embarked on the "No Contact" approach, so to speak, as of nine days ago. In many ways, not responding to even the most cursory email is a challenge. Even in this short time, I have been ... (read in full...)
After many months I still can't get over my ex
Q. I still cant get over my ex !! :( It's been so many months now..and I still end up thinking about him all the time. I dont know what to do :( :( :(...
A. 24 November 2010: Sneha, your situation sounds oddly similar to what I've suffered. My former relationship was/is long distance, and there were repeated cycles of contact, interest, and silence. Just waiting for an email or call was daily torture. I attributed his ... (read in full...)
After many months I still can't get over my ex
Q. I still cant get over my ex !! :( It's been so many months now..and I still end up thinking about him all the time. I dont know what to do :( :( :(...
A. 23 November 2010: I don't know how helpful this is, but I totally understand. My ex occupies my thoughts 24/7. It is very detrimental to my productivity, and takes serious energy away from all my pursuits.
What would you like to do? I haven't read your other qu... (read in full...)
He says I'm not what he wants. should I wait for him?
Q. Okay, so im madly in love with my ex who has made it clear as day he doesnt want anything to do with me. we were together for three years and we both just let life get in the way of our relationship. he recently left to the marines. before he l...
A. 23 November 2010: We have different circumstances, but similar agonies. My ex bf told me not to wait for him either, saying he needed time to sort out his feelings after his divorce (finalized almost a year at our break up). Since then, he has disappeared on me, ... (read in full...)
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