My paramour told my husband that he used me for sex. I am now trying to rebuild my marriage but how can I get over the pain of this affair?
Q. My affair ended 7 weeks ago when my husband caught me out. I have been married for 25 years,my marraige had been going through a very bad patch for about 3 years and i decided to attend an evening class where this guy was the teacher. At first we...
A. 28 September 2011: Rely on Karma but you then must turn away from it and let that high-riding bitch do her stuff. It's been 3 years Mae, time to let go. If you really can't then you need a professional, it certainly will be money well spent.... (read in full...)
My paramour told my husband that he used me for sex. I am now trying to rebuild my marriage but how can I get over the pain of this affair?
Q. My affair ended 7 weeks ago when my husband caught me out. I have been married for 25 years,my marraige had been going through a very bad patch for about 3 years and i decided to attend an evening class where this guy was the teacher. At first we...
A. 16 October 2008: Mae, I think you could do a lot of good if you respond to the cheating female postings on this site. They almost always want responses from women who have been in their shoes.... (read in full...)
He's got the biggest hold over me and my life, everything is about him. How will I ever get over this?
Q. I lied to my ex about being pregnant. Im not. He split with me 6 weeks ago, we were together a year. 2 weeks later he started seeing another girl.I was very hurt but I let him get on with it. The 3 weeks ago I heard that him and his new gf were ...
A. 19 September 2008: If it is possible for you to move then do it. It will help your recovery if you don't constantly run into him on the street. I know you said you don't want to hear it, but there is no magic wand that can make the pain go away, just time. Try to stay ... (read in full...)
I have a problem with my boyfriend who is still living with his wife. Should I be suspicious?
Q. I'm very upset and feel bad. Today is my bf bday and we had some nice plans tonight. He's getting divored (final in January) but still lives with his wife. We have beendating only a few months and its been a huge concern of mine that they live ...
A. 19 September 2008: This sounds pretty fishy to me. Have you seen any proof that he has filed for divorce, any paperwork? Most couples physically separate when they are truly divorcing, even if it stretchs the budget. Are you absolutely sure he isn't feeding you a ... (read in full...)
Working on our insecurities is most times better than changing the other person to fit our wishes.
Q. The porn questions on this board are just overwhelming. There are many more "my boyfriend uses porn" questions than "I can't get over my girlfriend's past" questions. I don't think that is because women are that much more insecure than men, but ...
A. 19 September 2008: AMEN BUDDY!... (read in full...)
How can he really love me if he's with someone else?
Q. I really need help! Jusge me if you want but I was 16 at the time and naive now I am stuck! I started to see this guy when I was 16, he was bit older than me. When we first went on a date he told me he had a girlfriend and like an idiot i carried on ...
A. 19 September 2008: You are right if he truly loved you he WOULDN'T be with someone else. After knowing you he even went ahead and got married. Yep you are being stupid and you are allowing him to use you for sex. Trust me that's all it is. If you don't believe try ... (read in full...)
She is my first girlfriend, and I think I love her, but am not sure, as she annoys me sometimes, not sure I want to break up either or hurt her, please help me?
Q. So I have this girlfriend of about 6 months, she's my first girlfriend (I'm 17 she's 18), and it wasn't love at first sight, I just wanted a short relationship cause she left for college (in Europe) about 5 months in. But as we got further I started ...
A. 18 September 2008: If you don't know for sure then you probably don't. She might be very close to your "right woman" but just misses the mark. That's what dating is for, to find those qualities and traits that make a perfect match for you. ... (read in full...)
After 2 dates with her, I kissed someone else and we weren't even a couple at that time. She found out and broke up with me. Ladies, your thoughts?
Q. Ok here is the deal.... I met a really great girl, took her out on a date, things went well, a week later took her out again things looked good, then the third week i went to another town where my parents stay went to a party had a blast and ended ...
A. 18 September 2008: I think she sounds like a nutcase. After two dates she considers a kiss cheating? I hear warning bells Buddy!... (read in full...)
My paramour told my husband that he used me for sex. I am now trying to rebuild my marriage but how can I get over the pain of this affair?
Q. My affair ended 7 weeks ago when my husband caught me out. I have been married for 25 years,my marraige had been going through a very bad patch for about 3 years and i decided to attend an evening class where this guy was the teacher. At first we...
A. 18 September 2008: You played with fire and you got burnt. Just thank your lucky stars that your husband didn't decide to throw you to the wolves. A lot of men would have. Now you need to focus on that wonderful husband, and only him.... (read in full...)
He broke up with me to be with her, leaving me in depression! Is it terrible of me to have told him I still love him, since he is taken?
Q. Hi. (New to Dear Cupid). I apologize ahead of time for how long this may turn out. I guess it all depends on how much detail I use, or if I start summarizing halfway through... Well, the thing is, I am incredibly in love with a best friend, who also ...
A. 18 September 2008: You can't help how you feel about him, the only thing you have control over is how you HANDLE those feelings. I also think that your telling him to be with his girlfriend is a rather a moot point, I mean he's going to be with her if he feels like it ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my children I was abused by my dad?
Q. I was abused by my dad as a child. I have had counselling and I am now a mother. All the family know about it except the children. My daughter is now 9 and I think its time she knew. My husband disagrees and said she will become frightened of him. ...
A. 17 September 2008: I think you should tell her eventually and certainly before she's at risk of being alone with him. If it changes the way she feels about him so be it. It was his own doing anyway. Forewarned is forearmed. Do whatever is needed to protect your ... (read in full...)
Do I end it or wait for him?
Q. hey I really need some help here... Okay about a week n a half ago I broke up with my on off bf of a year. He said he was done working things out but I tried anyways to get him back (I love him and shouldn't have ended it) He stopped talking ...
A. 17 September 2008: He's probably sick of your neediness. Break up, back together, break up, back together...what is he a yo-yo? ... (read in full...)
Is it true you can get pregnant if a guy gets too close to you?
Q. I've missed my period, but i've missed it before i don't know why, but i wasnt pregnant cause i didnt have sex. But now im worried because i've heard that u can get pregnant if a guys gets close 2 u, if he touches u, and thats what happened, and now ...
A. 17 September 2008: I'm really curious...where in these United States do you live? And are you really at least 16?... (read in full...)
She deliberately excites me...we're in our late 50's and we're first cousins!
Q. I am a 59y/o divorced male who has a 58y/o female first cousin. We visit each other about 3 times a year. She is married to man about 15 years older than she is. Over the years weve always been close, she even tells me when she and hubby are ...
A. 17 September 2008: She's married, drop it.... (read in full...)
I think he is a psychotic. I have no escape from him. I tried to make him understand, but he cannot see any man touching me!
Q. I am a 41 year old divorcee, living with a 13 year old daughter. I got divorced 7 years back and had been having a relationship with a married person all these years. Even though he loved me so much, he had his limitations always and he could ...
A. 17 September 2008: You need to remove both these men from your life. Both are married, both are weird, both are trouble. If the psycho one gives you any grief call the police. Start your life fresh and take care of your daughter. And by the way, lay off the married ... (read in full...)
He has a history of cheating and many opportunities to cheat at work, should I trust him?
Q. hey aunties and uncles... i need some advice on something that is bothering me... so here goes recently ive got together with this guy after a long winded journey due to his ex still being in the picture, never the less we've been together for abo...
A. 16 September 2008: Ahhh Karma's a high riding bitch,eh?!... (read in full...)
Our 1 year wedding anniversary went unmentioned. Does this mean we have a bad marriage??
Q. Wondering if this means we have a bad marriage..Although I feel we have a decent marriage. We have a 6 month old and a 17 month old. I stay home, he works. He likes his job and it is not stressful for him. Well, yesterday was our 1 year wedding ...
A. 16 September 2008: What I would do in your shoes is to buy something nice for the house on your anniversary, you know, that new bedspread you wanted, a lamp, whatever. Husbands can be so clueless about how a woman feels about birthdays, anniversaries, and such. Don't ... (read in full...)
Are we ready to take the next step?
Q. I am 26 and my partner is 20 are we ready to get engaged??? We have been seeing each other for about 5 months now, and i have never felt as strongly for someone as i do her, we have been living together for about 3 months now and over come jealou...
A. 16 September 2008: Five months isn't very long and she is very young, Dad's permission might be hard to come by. What's the rush anyway?... (read in full...)
Being cheated for 3 years, want out now. What type of financial support can I get from my husband for me and my child?
Q. I found out my husband cheated on my when our son BeBe was just 4 weeks, he is going to be 3 this Oct. The other woman just gave birth to my husband child 3 month ago. After almost three years of sharing my husband with the other woman, there is n...
A. 16 September 2008: Get a lawyer and you can send the bill to your husband. Do it before he does. You may be able to get alimony and sue the other woman for alienation of affection. Get moving.... (read in full...)
How should I break the news to my gf about her increased financial commitment without upsetting her?...
Q. I'm in a bit of a pickle. I have been dating my gf for over five years and we have 2 kids together. I also have a child from a previous relationship and still occassionally have sex with the ex. Last month, I had a one-night-stand with a 23 yr old I ...
A. 16 September 2008: I don't know if he's laughing but I sure am. What a dope. No advice from me.... (read in full...)
Has anyone been to a clairvoiyant and what they told you helped you make a decision in life, or do you think it's a load of rubbish?
Q. Hi, just a quick question. I was on holiday a few weeks ago at a well known seaside resort and i went to see a clairvoiyant. I'd been to this area a couple of times and have always wanted a reading, and this time i plucked up the courage to go in. I...
A. 16 September 2008: How come there never is a clairvoyant lottery winner?... (read in full...)
How much do I tell my four year old about the birds and the bees?
Q. My daughter is 4 years old and starting pre-school this week. I was wondering what she should know about about the "birds and the bees" before she goes to school. I'm not sure what the age appropriate discussion would be. I've done some research ...
A. 15 September 2008: I was lucky, when my oldest daughter was four, and my yournger daughter was 2, I gave birth to my son. Questions came up off and on during the following years. I guess I advise to only address the immediate question at hand, like "what the heck is ... (read in full...)
If you are happily married, how can you fall for someone else?
Q. How can a person be happily married, yet fall for someone else? If the person is happily married then they wouldn't have committed any acts to have fallen in love with someone other than their spouse to begin with, right?...
A. 15 September 2008: Why are you asking, are your parents going through some difficulties?... (read in full...)
Could he be playing games?
Q. What does it mean when a guy wants you to stay the night after sex, but then says he does not want a relationship with you. Is he playing games? ...
A. 15 September 2008: Sounds like to me he wants one of those stupid "friends with benefits" arrangement. Do you normally sleep with someone then get dressed and go home? Just asking. ... (read in full...)
I refused to continue my affair with a married man, as I don't want to be hoodwinked again (I am also married) - did I do the right thing?
Q. Hi, Please tell me I have done the right thing? Some years ago I had an affair with a married man. We were both married at the time. After a few months it ended and it took me time to get over it. Recently after 6 years he contacted me and ...
A. 15 September 2008: You did the right thing now concentrate on your marriage and see what you can do in order to have that great sex with your husband.... (read in full...)
Mother and daughter trouble...need help!
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for the past 3 years and we are happy to be together. I don’t have any issues with my bf but his mother (50) and sister (20). They are uncontrollable. When the mother and daughter get in to fights, they ...
A. 15 September 2008: My, my, everyone is behaving badly here. Knowing your boyfriend's mother for what she is, you certainly were unwise to provoke her and call her names. Since it's your boyfriend's family he's stuck with them but you don't have to be. I agree with ... (read in full...)
I need some help with my bikini shopping!
Q. This might sound like a very stupid question but I'm actually stuck. I went shopping today for a bikini (I'm a happy size 14) but when I tried the bottoms on they were slightly tight, are bikini's meant to be like this or is it when they get we...
A. 12 September 2008: Some stores sell the tops and bottoms separately. That way if you need to you can customize your bikini ie. large top medium bottom or visa versa.... (read in full...)
Been with him since his divorce and he is treating me like crap and doesn't want us to have a baby, how can I convince him?
Q. i was dating a quy he is 42 and i am 32 he says he is too old to have a child i have known him since i was 18 i dated him while he was marriend for 2 years and then she found out about us and he went back to her so i told him not to come back into ...
A. 11 September 2008: Okay, let me get this straight, you were with this guy who was cheating on his then wife, helped destroy his marriage, finally the wife kicks him to the curb, he then moves back and LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS at the tender age of 42, he treats you like ... (read in full...)
Am I being used by the justice system?
Q. Hi everyone, I need an advice from people who don't know me as none of my friend or family know what's happening to me for some time now. I'm a normal citysen with a good career, what has happened to me I would never of dreamed of in my worst ...
A. 11 September 2008: And your lawyer said nothing? Doesn't make sense.... (read in full...)
What is so sexy or unique about anal sex? The idea disgusts me! Should I try it?
Q. Hi uncles and aunts. Lets cut to the chase... I wanna know what is so sexy or unique about anal sex! More than just once, my bf has been moving to my back site before i could lead him to the correct one. Lol! Sometimes i think he'd be doing that ...
A. 11 September 2008: If you think it's disgusting, don't try it. Personally I think it's stupid for women to have anal sex when they have perfectly lovely equipment upfront.... (read in full...)
I'm only 13, pregnant with twins, afflicted with herpes, and I don't know who the father is. How do I tell my parents?
Q. I just turned thirteen and I found out I am pregnant with triplets I don't know who the father is I have been sexually active with over ten men the last year. I have lied about my age because I am very developed and I don't know what to do. I also ...
A. 11 September 2008: Aww come on, if you are 13 and pregnant with triplets, plus you are too far along to abort, I doubt if your parents wouldn't have figured things out by now. Fake post.... (read in full...)
I want to move out and have a baby with my bf...how do I go about this???
Q. I am 15 years old, I live with my mom and 14 year old sister. I have been with my 17 year old boyfriend for six months now, and he wants me to move in with him and he and I want to have a baby. We both feel ready for this. And I know its a big resp...
A. 10 September 2008: Someoneelse, you just proved our point about the decision making abilities of some young teens. I hope things go well for you and your daughter.... (read in full...)
Too much competition for her, do I stand a chance?
Q. hey im great freinds with her but i know my other freind is trying to get her to like him aswell the thing is i have her number i gave it to him now hes texting her all the time and I'm not we just talk a little bit on the internet and I know i like ...
A. 10 September 2008: Go up to her sometime when she is alone and ask her if she would like to go with you to get a soft drink, or ice cream, or coffee, fill in the blank. If she's a nice girl she will let you down gently and if she is interested she'll say yes. Nothing ... (read in full...)
He said he loves me, but the emails to his ex say otherwise. How can he love us both?
Q. hi everyone...recently i was at my guy's place. we were on the computer together, he then had to take a toilet break. So i was alone there on his computer. I saw his private email inbox and out of my curiosity, I checked it. I was shocked t...
A. 10 September 2008: So now you know he's lied to you but the sticky part is that you found out by snooping. I guess what I would do is tell him until he can fully commit to your relationship and cut all interaction with his ex you guys are finished. No need to tell him ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a compulsive liar, he said he cannot stop lying so I broke up with him. Good decision?
Q. Hi I really need some advice. Me and my boyfriend were going out for 8 months, but he was a compulsive liar. We have sat down and he has admitted the lying but says he cant stop it. He has told me every lie hes told. But he admitted to texting a ...
A. 10 September 2008: As it has been repeated over and over again on this site, trust is crucial to any relationship. You simply can't have any in a relationship with a compulsive liar. You did the right thing to break it off and if and when you get the chance, encourage ... (read in full...)
Why fret so much on appearance?
Q. Honestly...i dont get it...So many people fret about thier appearence, a lot. Understandable, but i mean the "Im not pretty enough for him" or "There are better looking guys" ect. ect. Why do looks matter. Cant we love each other as we are? Im a bit ...
A. 10 September 2008: In a perfect world there would be no burnt toast or spilt coffee. If wishes were horses then beggars would ride. Okay I'm done.... (read in full...)
He won't tell the ex-family to quit harassing him. He just says its better to ignore it all. It's impacting our relationship, and I want it to stop.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We were friends several years before that. He was in an unhappy and sometimes violent marriage and they were always seperating and trying to work things out. His family hated her very much, she ...
A. 10 September 2008: Wonderful news! I think you have a handle on the whole situation. You are totally correct it's their loss, a son, a lovely daughter in law, and a beautiful grandchild. What a pity. You keep holding your head up sweetheart, you have behaved like a ... (read in full...)
He told his girlfriend what I said to him! What do I do now?
Q. This guy at work and I were attracted to each other. So as to cut thru the crap I came out and told him that I wanted to have sex with him, which we never did. Now he has a girlfriend (she works there too) and I think he told her what I said to ...
A. 9 September 2008: That's WHEN not whne... (read in full...)
He told his girlfriend what I said to him! What do I do now?
Q. This guy at work and I were attracted to each other. So as to cut thru the crap I came out and told him that I wanted to have sex with him, which we never did. Now he has a girlfriend (she works there too) and I think he told her what I said to ...
A. 9 September 2008: Next time I wouldn't "cut thru the crap" and would wait until you know him better before you offer him sex. Whne you act like a class act you get treated like a class act. Lesson learned.... (read in full...)
Retroactive Jealousy: how do I overcome it?
Q. Right, so I am not even really sure how to start this. Basically, I suffer from what many other men (and few women) seem to suffer from as well. Retroactive Jealousy, or "her past"... Its horrible, its utterly disturbing and self destructive. I have ...
A. 9 September 2008: If you have read all the postings on this subject on this website then you have heard what the aunts have said and will only say again. You need a real pro here. This is no way to live, Dude. Find a qualified therapist (shouldn't be hard in a big ... (read in full...)
Do I follow my heart or listen to other's opinions?
Q. Hi.a guy ive just been dating suggested we settle down together,i love him to pieces and wana spend my life with him but im almost 21(hes 40) and my friends say i have my future ahead of me and i should wait but i love him...do i follow my heart or ...
A. 9 September 2008: "Just been dating"? How long have you been dating? And what exactly does he mean by "settling down"?... (read in full...)
I want to move out and have a baby with my bf...how do I go about this???
Q. I am 15 years old, I live with my mom and 14 year old sister. I have been with my 17 year old boyfriend for six months now, and he wants me to move in with him and he and I want to have a baby. We both feel ready for this. And I know its a big resp...
A. 9 September 2008: You know I'd really like to have the power to let this unborn future child be able to weigh in on this decision. Either that or a crystal ball that would show you the future if you make such lousy decision. But since I have neither but have raised ... (read in full...)
How can I tease my boyfriend?
Q. i need your help on this one, how can i tease my bf, i am new at this...and at this, he always finds a way to tease me by pulling my hair or pinching me slightly, but i can never seem to do so myself, i mean i return a pinch,, but what more else can ...
A. 9 September 2008: I don't know about the other aunts but pulling my hair or pinching me sure doesn't make me "feel sexual", just pisses me off. Try rubbing the inside of his thigh.... (read in full...)
He won't tell the ex-family to quit harassing him. He just says its better to ignore it all. It's impacting our relationship, and I want it to stop.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We were friends several years before that. He was in an unhappy and sometimes violent marriage and they were always seperating and trying to work things out. His family hated her very much, she ...
A. 22 August 2007: I think you are certainly right but unfortunately HE is one who needs to talk to all these people and tell them to back off and mind their own beeswax. He can still divorce his wife I think all states have no fault divorces now. Eventually they may ... (read in full...)
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