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... Send *eria a private message | | | *eria's profile:I don't always share the same opinion on relationship issues as the average person would. But then I figure, why ask the question if you already know what answer you want to hear.
I strongly believe in the principle that everyone EVERYONE is responsible for their own actions. Everyone is accountable to her/himself. I reject the double standards that are prevelant in our modern western world.
If I had a motto, it would be:
Sex is not love and love is not sex.
(I don't have a motto, but that would be closest to represent my thoughts on the matter)
Oh, and by the way, my name is Keira -- When I signed up, I was typing too fast and ended up with Keria... but you can call me whichever you prefer.
CLARIFICATION NEEDED:
I think some people think I am somehow against monogomay. No, I'm not. If a person choses to have sex with only one person, for whatever reason, then they have made a choice, and that is their business. So no, I'm not against it. I'm just going to be realistic, and not support it as though it were the natural state of humans, and as though any other option is somehow wrong. What I am against, is forced monogamy. Monogamy by coercion is nothing more than a form of slavery. It was originally developed as an outcome to the male dominated world in order to protect women. Men felt they could have as many partners as they wanted, but each of those partners belonged to him, and were basically his slaves. Sure he might treat some or all of them tenderly, but that did not change the fact that they were being owned. Monogamy attempted to even this out so that if women were owned, then men had to curb it, and own only one woman. Any more than that, and it would be excessive. Of course, the correct response would have been to recognize that women should be just as free as men. Through the middle ages of Europe, the monogomist relationship was romantisized, and men learned that they needed to fall in love with the beautiful and helpless maiden, and sacrifice his life for her. This made monogamy beautiful. Unrealistic, but beautiful. Our nature though is opposed to this. There are no monogamist societies in the world. There are many that claim to be, but none that are. People believe that they must love the person they have sex with, and have sex only with the person they love. This is utter nonsense. Many many marriage problems stem from the insecurity brought on by this erroneous view. If people would realize that sex and love are not the same thing, and if they realized a woman can truly love a man and have sex with a different man, our families would be much happier today. There would be less arguing and more children would get to have the joy of growing up with both natural parents, living in harmony with one another. Sex is meant to be fun. It should not be used as a tool to hurt another.
Anyway, I hope this helps to clarify what I stand for.
Keira |
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Where do I find people to have cybersex with?
Q. Ok so I like to chat online but recently I've wanted to do some cybersex chatting and have no idea where to find partners for free! Anyone know? thx...
A. 25 July 2008: Sure. Try going on Owned on Facebook.
But don't be a pig about it, or you won't get anywhere.
Remember that cybersex is an enhancement to your imagination. You just might end up chatting with someone who doesn't look anything like what you im... (read in full...)
I'm interested in group sex, any advice?
Q. i am interested in group sex but i would like to know about the advantages and disadvantages of group sex and how can i enjoy more with different type of sex. my some friends and their wives are also interested to join in group sex with me and my ...
A. 25 July 2008: I'm not sure if you are for real... this sort of sounds like a joke question.
But, giving you the benefit of the doubt, group sex does not have any phyical bad health effects other than what you would encounter with any sex. If the partners... (read in full...)
Tempted by a married man, what should I do?
Q. Hi Everyone! Any help with this situation would be muchly appreciated! For years I have liked this guy who is 16yrs older than me and married =(, i tried my best to forget about him, but everytime i saw him it was back to square one. One day ...
A. 25 July 2008: Well, there's more than one issue here:
1. An Affair
2. Your opportunity for love with a nice single guy
3. Honesty with the new single guy...
I'm not going to tell you that having an affair with a married man is wrong. However, a mistr... (read in full...)
I'm leaving my husband because he had a 2 yr affair with my sister, a long time ago. People don't know the true reason and incriminate me for the break up. Should I forgive him instead?
Q. I've been married for 18 years, no kids. Ten years ago, I found out that my sister and husband had had sex, once. I forgave them.... and none of us talked about it again. It was very painful as I had no one to talk to about it at the time... ...
A. 27 December 2007: "We were already have some marital difficulties when I brought the 'one-time' affair up with my husband."
This is the key here. Your leaving him has nothing to do with the affair way back then. You really just want an excuse. So again, leave hi... (read in full...)
I'm leaving my husband because he had a 2 yr affair with my sister, a long time ago. People don't know the true reason and incriminate me for the break up. Should I forgive him instead?
Q. I've been married for 18 years, no kids. Ten years ago, I found out that my sister and husband had had sex, once. I forgave them.... and none of us talked about it again. It was very painful as I had no one to talk to about it at the time... ...
A. 27 December 2007: Obviously he didn't want you know it was 2 years. If you were never going to find out, why hurt you? "A couple of times" is much easier to deal with. But he doesn't want you to leave, and he doesn't want to leave you.
Your sister has told you... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend that I slept in the same bed as another guy, even though it was platonic?
Q. I went out with my friends a few days before xmas, and it got quite late, so i stayed at a friends house. There were only two double beds, and four of us. The couple got one, and i was left to the other one, having to share with my male friend who i ...
A. 27 December 2007: I agree. Don't tell him.... (read in full...)
Would you let your husband go away for the weekend with a woman he fancies?
Q. I have been with my husband for eleven years now, and although things are fairly good between us, he has developed a crush on another woman. He met her on a weekend away with the boys in the middle of summer, and has been sending odd messages her...
A. 27 December 2007: Depends. If you have an open relationship, then let him. If it upsets you, then tell him, and if he does it anyway, leave him.
Just curious though.... how do you know all this? Has he been doing it all openly? Does he figure he's in an open ... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 9 May 2007: I just read about "The Mistress" by Victoria Griffin over at Amazon. It looks like a good book. I think I'll order myself a copy.... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 9 May 2007: To the anonymous writer who advised reading, "Til Death do us Part":
I just looked it up in Amazon, and this book is about people who kill their spouses. I am interested to know how this relates to having a mistress.
Please respond here, or... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my cousin, but I don't know what to do
Q. I have been in luv with my cousin for the last 4 years...I'm 18 now and an indian (kerala)...but i haven't told her... for that matter i haven't told anyone except my best friend...whenever we r together its a lot of fun...i really enjoy my time ...
A. 8 May 2007: First of all, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to your first cousin. I find is almost funny to hear people mocking the idea. Obviously they have been affected differently by there social setting than you or I have by ours. It is more ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to fall in love after a short time?
Q. Hi, I've been going out with someone for almost a month now, but I feel like I'm starting to fall in love with him now. I just feel so special when I'm with him, and always get excited when I get to see him. (I only get to see him him every weekend, ...
A. 8 May 2007: Hello dear. Yes, and in fact you can "fall in love" at first site. But this is not love. Whenever I hear someone say they "fell in love", I realize they are not talking about love. Love is not something you fall into. It is a decision you make, ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous so I tested my boyfriends fidelity and now he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Should I try to get back with him?
Q. I have been with this guy for 2 years now, and we get on great - but we have some quite big arguments over nothing.. when we argue we both usually know that we'l be back together within an hour.. I am a jealous person, i cant help it i just a...
A. 8 May 2007: Sorry, but I don't quite get it. You pretended you were someone else to see if he would take the bait? You sound very insecure to me.
Ok, he "took the bait", but you know he knew it was you. So, he went along with it, and you look foolish ... (read in full...)
Is there something I can do to...climax?
Q. Hi. I'm almost 21 years old. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for more than a year and a half now. We are very happy and I believe we are made for each other. The problem is, I can't climax. We sleep together and we've tried so many times, ...
A. 4 May 2007: Try masturbating frequently. It's not foolproof, but it's fun and helps you to know your body better.... (read in full...)
Hes chatting on the internet to women, he wont give me his password, should I trust him ?
Q. hey there my patner and i have been together for 6years.we have just got the internet and i have found out that he has been talking to this"lesbian" who after 2 days of talking went into where he worked and gave him her mobile number.apparently she ...
A. 3 May 2007: Give the man a little space unless you want to drive him away.... (read in full...)
In love with a married man, but how do I cope with our break up?
Q. Hi, i hope you can help me out of this absurd situation. i fell in love with a guy i work with in the same office, he is married, with two kids. out of guilt we both called it a very close friendship, then he called me his soul mate and then his...
A. 3 May 2007: Double standards... double standards. The last comment before this was made by a woman who says "men that are married and cheat are dogs". But she herself was with one. Can we come up with a derogatory name for women who sleep with married men? ... (read in full...)
Lack of sex in my marriage.. had the urge to fantasise about other men, nothing happend but I have feelings for someone. I'm scared... how safe is my marriage?
Q. So, I think my marriage is in trouble. I told my husband about 9 months ago that I was tired of living in a sexless marriage. We hadn't had sex for about two and a half years. Things got better for about two months, but since then nothing. That's ...
A. 3 May 2007: The root of this problem is that so many people think sex must stay within marriage. Then you marry someone who doesn't want sex and you suffer the rest of your life, or you have to get divorsed even though you love the person. It so easy for ... (read in full...)
Am I in love with my teacher, or is this a crush?
Q. Hi everyone I am 16 and I want to know if I am in love with my 33 year old school teacher. I have meetings with him as he is my mentor, but whenever I see him my knees go weak and I get butterflies in my stomach really badly. I find it really h...
A. 2 May 2007: I know this is an old question, but it looks like it gets read and re-answered fairly frequently.
So, if you are reading this, and wondering if the feeling you have is love, well, it's not. Love is not a feeling. If you experience that wonderfu... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are different, I sought attention elsewhere, nothing happend sexually, but now she doest trust me!!!
Q. Been married to a gorgeous girl for 3 years and we have a 6 month old daughter. I love my wife very much but we have very different sex drives. Mine is high and hers is low. When we don't have sex for a length of time I feel undesirable and I crave ...
A. 2 May 2007: Just another thought/comment. This women sounds very sexually repressed to me. She has a 6-month old and is hinting at leaving because of a conversation that happened a year ago. She doesn't want sex... thinks it's dirty, and doesn't want her ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with two people...
Q. Help, I think that I'm in love with two people. I'm a 23 year old single mom. I first got involved with this 33 year old who now wants to marry me after a very abusive relationship with my child's father. He has a great job and everything going for ...
A. 2 May 2007: Both bits of advice given so far are good. The first one clearly distinguishes between love and infatuation. Mistaking infatuation for love is a huge mistake and can end in disaster.
The second bit of advice is very good too, because in the end ... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are different, I sought attention elsewhere, nothing happend sexually, but now she doest trust me!!!
Q. Been married to a gorgeous girl for 3 years and we have a 6 month old daughter. I love my wife very much but we have very different sex drives. Mine is high and hers is low. When we don't have sex for a length of time I feel undesirable and I crave ...
A. 2 May 2007: Trueheartconfused:
Your advice sounds very good for some situations. There are definitely women who have a lower sex drive after having children, and it can be a phase. However, his child is 6 months old, and it was a year ago that he had a li... (read in full...)
He says he'll never cheat on me again and wants me back but how do I know his affair was a one off?
Q. I have just had my divorce finalised to my husband of twenty years. We divorced as he had an affair for a few months with a 20 year old prostitute. He finished it after we split. Problem is that a few days ago we started being friendly to one ...
A. 1 May 2007: I know many disagree, but you really can love a person and have sex with someone else. Not everyone associates sex with being in love with the person you are having sex with, and not loving any other person. There are many reasons for a partner to ... (read in full...)
She went on to say that in a relationship you should be willing to give up anything if you really love the person in your life.
Q. I am a lesbian. Recently my ex girlfriend said she wanted to have a relationship with me. She was adamant that I was the person she really wanted to be with. She has been back and forth between me and another person for years and it was very ...
A. 1 May 2007: True love never demands another change for you. That's not love at all, it's ownership... which is the opposite of love.... (read in full...)
Does anyone else feel sickened by the increasing erosion of personal intimacy in relationships?
Q. Is there anyone else out there getting as sickened as I am by the increasing erosion of personal intimacy in relationships? I find myself amazed at the way that sex seems to be meaningless, you can have threeway, with other people while you are ...
A. 1 May 2007: I'm only going to comment on the depression you are feeling. I assume that if you feel the way you do about perceived changes in standards, you yourself keep the standards you are lamenting have been changed. If you keep them, why do you worry if ... (read in full...)
What on earth did my dream mean???
Q. HELP! I had a dream that I was in the mall with my ex, and I kissed her! I honestly have no feelings for her whatsoever, and I have been seeing my current girlfriend for almost a year! What the heck did that dream mean?...
A. 1 May 2007: Dreams mean the same amount as a horoscope does: nothing.
Dreams can be fun, frightening, or just plain interesting. But don't try to read into them as some message from the gods or even from your own hidden subconsciousness. If you still li... (read in full...)
I had a party a few days ago and ended up sharing my bed with my mates girlfriend
Q. Hi I need help!! I had a party a few days ago and ended up sharing my bed with my mates girlfriend we had a bit of fun. But didn't go all the way and now I feel guilty cos it's my mates girlfriend and its really awkward between me and her what shall ...
A. 1 May 2007: You should talk to her and make sure everything's fine between the two of you. Let her know you feel awkward, and if you don't want to see her again this way, let her know that, but you still want to be friends. You also need to let her know you ... (read in full...)
What are these small bumps on my penis and are they normal ?
Q. Is this normal? I have small bumps all over my penis, I know it's not an STD or anything, but I'm still concerned as to whether or not its natural, most of all I'm wondering if that would weird girls out. thanks...
A. 1 May 2007: Are these bumps on your penis, or on your scrotum? The scrotum can get covered in little tiny bumps, and then out of each of these, a hair emerges. If you have bumps all over your penis though, you might want to get it checked out. I suggest a ... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are different, I sought attention elsewhere, nothing happend sexually, but now she doest trust me!!!
Q. Been married to a gorgeous girl for 3 years and we have a 6 month old daughter. I love my wife very much but we have very different sex drives. Mine is high and hers is low. When we don't have sex for a length of time I feel undesirable and I crave ...
A. 1 May 2007: You need to talk to her, and she needs to get counselling.
At this point though, the advice I give you might be a little different than what others might. You have obviously tried. Your wife may have girlfriends who reasure her that her low ... (read in full...)
We want a 3some with my best friend, But I dont want to lose either of them, what do I do ?
Q. My fiance wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend. My best friend and I have had sex together twice, but he doesn't know about it. I quite like the idea and I am pretty sure she would be up for it, but I don't want to lose her or my ...
A. 1 May 2007: A lot of times these threesomes don't work, becuase the participants have all been conditioned to believe certain things, and are not yet ready to be truly open-minded. Obviously you can have sex with your fiance, and you can have sex with your ... (read in full...)
I'm only 12 years old and I'm pregnant. I did it with 27 year old man. I don't know how to tell my mom.
Q. Hi Help I'm only 12 years old and I'm pregnant. I did it with 27 year old man. I don't know how to tell my mom. Help!...
A. 30 April 2007: Dear, you need to talk to your mom. DON'T talk to the guy about it. Just talk to your mom. You can tell her who the guy is, but if you talk to him, he may try to manipulate you in some way. It is best to leave off all contact with him, unless ... (read in full...)
What do I tell him if he asks to have sex with me again? I'm 18, he's 49 and married with kids!!!
Q. i am soooo in need of ANYONES help! i've never been in a situation like this. ok here it goes... lets just start off by saying that i can get very flirtacious and get carried away.. its kinda sad but yea. anyway so my manager at the place i work at ...
A. 30 April 2007: This is addressed to the aunts.
Why are you so judgemental against this man? Why is he the one in the wrong, as though more than her. She knew he is married with kids. The bulls*&t story that managers somehow have power over people does not... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 30 April 2007: I am sorry to hear you are depressed, but really the problem is that so many people have a wrong view of love. There is nothing wrong with your wife wanting to get pleasure in this way. Society says it's wrong, and we learn to believe it. ... (read in full...)
How do you know when your truely in love with someone?
Q. How do you know when your truely in love with someone? Ive thought ive been in love bout 4 times (alot for someone my age (20) i know) but then after the relationship has ended or something, ive realised it wasnt love. I think ive fallen in love ...
A. 27 April 2007: I recommend you read my answer about WHAT love is at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-your-definition-of-love.html, before you decide if you love this guy. If love is a feeling, then only you can know if you "love" him, and how infatuated ... (read in full...)
How can I make our sex life more interesting!?
Q. Has anyone any advice? Been with my bloke for three years and the sex is really boring. He isn't turned on by sexy underwear, i been and tried that one. He just cannot cum with oral sex. We end up in the missionary position all the time. I ask him ...
A. 27 April 2007: Maybe you shouldn't be in an exclusive relationship. Maybe you should find other man, and have sex with him. You don't have to leave this fellow, because it sounds to me like other than sex, you get along just fine. What I recommend is a younger ... (read in full...)
I was sexually abused and now I find my bf looking at child porn!!
Q. Last year I found out on my bf's computer that he was looking at porn... but also he was looking at pictures of 11-15 year old boys.. It broke my heart when I found this. I confronted him about this and the fight ended up as me being the bad guy ...
A. 27 April 2007: Hey there... I just read through the answers, and would like to say that Realm has given you the best answer, in that he has addressed a couple of points:
1. You shouldn't have been prying into this guy's privacy.
2. But given that you did, and... (read in full...)
Slept with 6 different men unprotected! Im pregnant, Should I keep the baby ?
Q. Im Pregnant.. For the past 3 months i have been sleeping with several different guys, six.. two of them are teachers in my school.. usually i stay behind to do "coursework" but always turns into something else.. i have recently found out im pre...
A. 27 April 2007: Just to clarify, when I said not to take the advice of people on here, I meant specifically as to whether you keep the baby. But you SHOULD take my advice that you speak to your doctor. Another option though, is to go to a sexual health clinic and ... (read in full...)
Is my classmate pregnant?
Q. A girl in my school is pregnant and i knew that she still had her pregnancy test so, i asked her to see it just to compare it to mine and it turns out that she had two lines and just like me one line was dark and the other very faded but, still ...
A. 27 April 2007: Good answer, Charmedone!
Dear, you need to get to the nearest sexual health clinic and talk to the nurses there.... (read in full...)
I really like my ex boyfriends dad! Could he really be in to me too!?
Q. Alright, so I have always found myself attracted to much older men. I'm 18 now and the men I find sooo sexy are 30-45. Recently, an older man (approx. 40 yrs old) has been talking with me quite a bit. This is messed up, but he's my ex boyfriend's ...
A. 27 April 2007: It's hard to say... He might just think you are the hottest, cutest thing he's seen in a long time... There isn't really any way for us to know on here.
So, the question is, do you want to pursue it? If you do, don't go blabbing it to your fri... (read in full...)
Slept with 6 different men unprotected! Im pregnant, Should I keep the baby ?
Q. Im Pregnant.. For the past 3 months i have been sleeping with several different guys, six.. two of them are teachers in my school.. usually i stay behind to do "coursework" but always turns into something else.. i have recently found out im pre...
A. 27 April 2007: Don't take the advice of people on here who don't know anything about you. You need to talk to your doctor and to your family.
And in future, it's not a good idea to sleep around with teachers when you are only 16. You could get them fired, i... (read in full...)
Anyone have a stab at interpretting this dream, and should I tell this guy I love him ?
Q. Lately I've been having really bad dreams about this guy I am in love with. This guy is my closest friend and I would do anything for him. Usually in these dreams he is around me but he is having fun w/ other people usually this one specific guy me ...
A. 27 April 2007: The meaning of this dreams is absolutely certain: You need to tell him you love him. Keith is not actually a person, but he is a disease personified as Keith. Basically, it means your friend is going to get a life threatening disease, but he's ... (read in full...)
My jealousy is getting out of control and I dont know how to handle it!!
Q. im in a year long relationship and over time i have become more and more paranoid that my girlfriend is going to cheat one me. recently shes been goin to pubs and clubs etc with her friends and it makes me feel sick knowing that some guy could be ...
A. 27 April 2007: You are controlling. You need to realized that love is not about owning someone. ... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: Ok, I'm trying to figure this out. She wants to swing. You also are willing to swing. If it's with strangers, you'll try it out. If it's with friends, then you want a divorce.
I think you might be misunderstanding what she means by emotiona... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: Typo: When I said, " I suggested to another person on here that they get some soft port movies that deal with partner swaping and watch them open-mindedly before coming down hard on the partner who wants to do it."
I meant, soft "porn", not "por... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: I just read your follow up. No, divorce is not the answer. Why would you do that? You certainly won't have her all to yourself after the divorce the way you want her now. Are you planning on using the issue of divorce to threaten her so she ... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage, but don't want to lose her. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I am married with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. Recently my wife has become much more demanding sexually, with us often making love 3 or 4 times a day. Although, you can imagine I am delighted with this, there is a fly in the ointment. Sh...
A. 26 April 2007: Before I give you my answer, ask yourself if you already know what you want the answer to be. Perhaps you aren't willing to accept a different opinion.
Anyway, here goes...
Your wife loves you. She is feeling very very aroused these da... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 26 April 2007: For the most part, you want it to be like other times you've had lunch together. Ask him how things are going, tell him you are glad to see him again. I think you need to tell him again that whatever decision he makes with his wife, you want to be ... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 26 April 2007: I have a lot of respect for women like you. Like I said before, sometimes it is a woman like you who is able to hold a family together.
But you and I both know that he is not leaving his wife. Well, it's very very unlikely, anyway. Some men... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 25 April 2007: You know what, everyone is saying this is unhealthy. In some ways it is, but it doesn't have to be. Men throughout history have had mistresses, and women have had their men on the side.. although typically it's the men who get the worst wrap. ... (read in full...)
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