A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone...recently i was at my guy's place. we were on the computer together, he then had to take a toilet break. So i was alone there on his computer.I saw his private email inbox and out of my curiosity, I checked it.I was shocked to find out that his ex's emails were in his inbox. I sat there frozen. he had told me he fully broke off with her and love me only.Yet i saw in his replies, it was all how much he still loves her. Now I know it was wrong of me to be snooping in his emails, but how can he love me and his ex?what should i do?? break up with him? it is so painful to have found out he regularly email his ex. I thought when you love someone, you don't go saying love stuff to your ex or someone else. When I broke up with my ex, I didn't want to think about him anymore. Now I love my new guy, yet I don't know if he really does love me?
View related questions:
broke up, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 So now you know he's lied to you but the sticky part is that you found out by snooping. I guess what I would do is tell him until he can fully commit to your relationship and cut all interaction with his ex you guys are finished. No need to tell him how you know,let him figure it out. The question is whether you can believe him when he tells you AGAIN that he loves only you?!
A
female
reader, mwalsh +, writes (10 September 2008):
Are you sure that he didn't want you to discover the email because he did leave you alone with his computer and teenage boys don't find breaking up easy to do so this may have been a way for him to break up by allowing you to find it and break up with him. It hurts but breaking up with him is the right thing for you to do. He is obviously too young and immature for a relationship and has been "playing" both you and his "ex?". He who chases many, loses all. You are so young and there will be another cute boy around the corner. One that won't play you like this one and if he does, then keep searching because theres a good one out there somewhere. I know it seems like the end of the world (been there too many times to count), but it isn't. If you really like him and think you can't live without him, break off the relationship and just be friends. You may have to limit your contact at first to heal but you'll be fine after awhile.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lovexpert +, writes (10 September 2008):
When a relationship is over, the love doesn't just go away. It may be overshadowed by so much pain, but the love isn't supposed to go away. You love who that person is, and nothing can change that. Nonetheless, the idea that he still might want to be with her is the serious problem, and the fact that he was not up front about this is the other problem. The best thing to do is to genuinely find out where he is coming from. Come from your real feelings of sadness and being hurt, instead of coming from blame and pain. This will give him a real chance to come clean instead of being defensive, which won't help anything. Honesty is the only way this relationship can work and be based on trust. If you do not feel that he is being honest or open with you, it's important to require that he is or else end the relationship.
Note that this doesn't mean that his profession of love for you is not real, it just means he's not over his ex, and maybe he needs some time to do that. If can be open about the process, you may consider staying with him, but it depends on what works for you. Either way, it's not going to work without honesty and openess.
...............................
A
female
reader, confuzzled_in_cville +, writes (10 September 2008):
depending on their history he may just love her as a friend. in some cases it is possible to love more than another but maybe he loves the memories he had with her or maybe her body. i think you need to talk to him about this hear his side of the story.
...............................
|
