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... Send *arris a private message | | | *arris's profile:I'm 20 year old female, living in the UK, who probably isn't the most experienced sexually or in the world, but have a WIDE range of friends, which has given me the supporting role to all these people.
My friends have always come to me for advice, and I kind of pride myself on my balanced view of most situations. At the end of the day, I just really want to help people. =) |
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Why did she respond as she did?
Q. Hello everyone, I had not initiated contact with my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me, for seven weeks, when she started to instant message me everyday for eight days in a row. They were not just brief messages, as we would talk for 30 minu...
A. 12 August 2007: Is spooning sex? In my experience, spooning is just cuddling... Correct me if I'm wrong there. o.0
You should sit this girl down and talk to her. SHE broke up with you, which means she should be sensitive to your feelings... And at the moment, ... (read in full...)
I don't want to break his heart but I also don't want to have this feeling of regret.
Q. It's been about 3 months now since I've been going out with my boyfriend, and I am starting to regret it. I love him and everything but the only problem is that I am starting to have feelings for my other friend. My boyfriend is one of the sweet...
A. 12 August 2007: Are you having feelings for your friend purely as a "grass is greener" reaction, or do you think that it's real?
The only real advice I can give is that you should try to clearly work out what you want, it's no easy task, but it's what you need... (read in full...)
I forgot to put the address on the letter.... will they fail me for it?
Q. Hi i know this isn't really a problem someone would right on here but if someone could give some advice or if they did the same thing as me and tell me what result they got out of it i'd be greatful. Ok i'm 16 and taking my GCSE's this year. Today i ...
A. 8 June 2007: I took my English Literature & Language A Level two years ago, and my GCSEs 4 years ago (Does that qualify me to knowing what I'm talking about?).
They won't fail you simply for your mistake. It will cost you marks, but not the whole exam, so... (read in full...)
Should I contact this old friend from my childhood or do you think he'll reject me again?
Q. hi, i have recently found this guy that i really liked from when i was about 7 and we sort of grew up together, i was always quite shy and he knew i liked him when we were about thirteen but said that he only liked me as a friend. i am now twenty ...
A. 6 June 2007: I agree with CD. Contact him with the intention of friendship. That way there'll be no disappointment, or pressure. Sometimes lifestyles change so much that you'll find that you have absolutely nothing in common anymore.
Just send him a message ... (read in full...)
I believe if he treats me like this now he will treat me worst if we get married. What do you think?
Q. The other day I called my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) to see how he was doing and he told me he was on his way to help a female friend and her dad whom just had a car accident. She is an old school friend of his who calls him once in a while. She is ...
A. 4 June 2007: The fact that you have written this much about why it won't work with him tells a lot. And I think you know it too.
Move on and find someone more compatible.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
My heart belongs to a married man, I need help!!
Q. My heart belongs to a married man, I need help!! We have been together for three years. He was my high school principal. I fell in love the first time I saw him. From that point on, I knew he was the one. One day I had to tell him my feelings,...
A. 4 June 2007: The best advice I can give you is this:
Make him choose. His wife or you. Neither of you deserve to mucked around, and he needs to choose which one he wants to be with and stick to that choice.
I know it could possibly hurt you, but at the ... (read in full...)
If I kiss another girl on the cheek as in a greeting, I feel I'm cheating! Is this bad?
Q. hi this may sound like a stupid question but ive been with my girlfriend for 6 months, i just wanted to know that is it a bad thing to kiss another girl who is a friend or sumone you'r being introduced to as a matter of politeness on the cheek like ...
A. 4 June 2007: You definitely should not feel bad about this, you were just being polite!
It's nice to know how much you care about your girlfriend, maybe you should sit down with her and ask her how she feels about this? If she loves and trusts you as much as ... (read in full...)
Married 3 times and each time hurt! Should I trust love?
Q. I have been married 3 times. And terrible hurt all 3 times. Why should I fall in love with a man now?...
A. 3 June 2007: There is no should or shouldn't about falling in love with a man.
You either do or you don't. You can take steps to prevent it (cage your heart off from the world) or you can just go with the flow.
I'm sorry that you've had terrible experie... (read in full...)
My boyfriend watches porn when I'm asleep.
Q. my boyfriend watches porn when i am asleep! i feel like i am not good enough for him or i am not satisfying him. i feel like i cant be as good as porn stars so he will want to finish me!! please help!!...
A. 3 June 2007: This has actually happened to me once. My boyfriend came to stay at my place, and often used my laptop late at night. After I fell asleep, he would watch some porn online. I have no idea whether he was masturbating to it or not.
The way I dealt wi... (read in full...)
I gave him my cell number but he still hasn't text me in 2 weeks!
Q. There's this boy I've been friends with for a couple of years now, and I really like him, and recently I got a cell phone and I gave him my number. But the problem is, he never calls or texts me, and it's been almost two weeks! Why is that?...
A. 3 June 2007: I agree with Eve's advice. There is the possibility that he simply misplaced the number, but I'm sorry to say it; if he was really into you then he would make sure he didn't lose it right?
You said that you gave him your number, did he ask for ... (read in full...)
I'm not attracted to him physically, is that something that could change with time?
Q. I went out with a guy once, and I wasn't really attracted to him. He's called me a few times since then, and we had great conversations on the phone. He has many good qualities--he's intelligent, has a good job, he's friendly, he actually seems to ...
A. 3 June 2007: So long as you do like the man, then keep seeing him! As you've wondered, things do change as you get to know a person, and it is very likely that your feelings for him physically can change. Often physical attraction can come directly from the ... (read in full...)
Should I get pregnant to keep my cheating boyfriend in my life??
Q. Ok, i would like views on what you think about a gf getting pregnant on purpose just to keep her bf in her life. I found out that my bf was cheating on me with his ex the entire 2 yrs we've been on and off together. I was so devastated. I didnt wa...
A. 3 June 2007: No. Never have a baby for that reason.
A baby is a person, not an item of leverage. Having a baby will not bring your boyfriend back. It might make him assume some responsibility in the child's care, but it won't make him your partner anymore.... (read in full...)
My family believes rigidly that relationships are a burden to them in some way and that they have to satisfy all the expectations of the people they are relating with...
Q. My family believes rigidly that relationships are a burden to them in some way and that they have to satisfy all the expectations of the people they are relating with, if not, they think of themselves to be guilty and feel scared about what other ...
A. 3 June 2007: Congratulations on your engagement. In my view, this is an important event in showing EVERYONE (including yourself) that your family might just have it wrong.
It's up to your family whatever they want to believe, so long as you are happy. They obv... (read in full...)
I love her but I've been seeing prostitutes once a month...
Q. think were gonna split after living together for 6 years creating a home and getting secure ready for marriage and a family. now its time to bite the bullet i dont wanna do it i do love her but im having cold feet. ive been seeing prostitutes once ...
A. 3 June 2007: Why have you been seeing prostitutes? Ask yourself this question and find the definite answer. Is your partner not fulfilling your needs? Do you feel the need to sow your seeds? In my experience, you don't hire a prostitutes services if you love ... (read in full...)
How do I stop him from seeing our daughter...until he gets help?
Q. I just had court this past Wednesday for Child Custody. My daughter's father have been playing games, telling lies and GOD knows what else. The judge ordered I have Physical Legal Custody and we have Joint Legal Custody. He also ordered him every ...
A. 3 June 2007: I'm not very knowledgeable about the legal system, but here's my advice.
I'm afraid that there's really nothing that you can do to help this situation other than look into the legalities of things. If you can afford to, talk to a good divorce ... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of this "pouch" on my tummy?
Q. Hey agony aunts, I'm just wondering a few things, 1) I have this little i guess you could call it a "pouch" lol on my tummy, i'm actually quite a skinny person, but my stomach is a little chubby :( How do I get rid of that, just by running/situps? 2...
A. 1 June 2007: I'm a skinny person and have both of the things that you have mentioned. Don't worry about it, it's COMPLETELY normal!
So long as you are eating healthily, drinking plenty of water, and keeping fit, then it doesn't really matter what shape yo... (read in full...)
Do you really do things you don't want to when you're drunk?
Q. I guess this is more of a poll than a question. Do you really do things you don't want to when you're drunk? I say no. We commonly hear "I only did it because I was drunk", but I think it's just an excuse. From what I have seen with others and expe...
A. 1 June 2007: I can't really decide whether I agree or disagree with your view of being drunk, but I'd like to add the point that people CHOOSE to drink the alcohol in the first place. In other words, they invite this lack of control that they claim to have ... (read in full...)
Every time he puts on a condom he goes limp. How can we fix this?
Q. I have been with my bf fot 14 months. We started having sex back last august. We have only had sex like 15 times since as i still get a bit anxious and after a while feel pain when having sex. He finds that when we have finished foreplay and are...
A. 31 May 2007: All the other advice here is really sound, but I just want to add that you should really make it clear to him how pressurised you feel by him... You shouldn't do anything that you don't want to, just because it's what he wants.
You should definite... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and want a relationship, but I fret about the size of my penis..any advice?
Q. Hi iam 17 and still a virgin i would love to have a relationship with a girl but iam very insecure about the size of my penis as it is only 6 and a half inches when erect should i be woried or am i fretin about nothing ...
A. 31 May 2007: Just wanted to add to the harmonised chorus of people telling you not to worry! You are indeed average sized, so there's nothing for you to worry about! It's what you do with it that counts.
Just take your time to get to know a girl, and you'll f... (read in full...)
Could getting fingered make me come on my period?
Q. Hi. I'm due on my period on sunday and on friday i am at a party with my boyfriend. Will getting fingered make me come on? xox please answer i cant find info bout it anywhere...
A. 24 May 2007: Okay, I'll reiterate my first paragraph again; having your period and getting fingered are completely different things! Your period should come as planned, and if it is a little early or a little late, it's very unlikely to have much to do with ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by... "I'm only happy when you're happy" - given that he never asks me if I'm happy?!
Q. My husband of 7 years tells me he's happy when I'm happy. He will never ask me if I'm happy???, He will only mention "I'm Happy When Your Happy honey" or "As Long As Your Happy, That Makes Me Happy" whenever I get excited about something like a new ...
A. 23 May 2007: I think it's just a way to say that even though a new outfit doesn't particularly delight him, he is happy that it brings you joy!
I wouldn't read anything more into it. :)... (read in full...)
Could getting fingered make me come on my period?
Q. Hi. I'm due on my period on sunday and on friday i am at a party with my boyfriend. Will getting fingered make me come on? xox please answer i cant find info bout it anywhere...
A. 23 May 2007: Being fingered and having your period are completely different things.
If you're wondering about whether you could bleed from getting fingered, then the answer is yes. Even if your hymen is already broken you could bleed if he's just too rough.
... (read in full...)
Bf thinks that I talk nasty to him. I disagree..what do you think?
Q. Was I really nasty to my fiance? We were driving and I almost crashed so I asked that we not hold hands why I drive and he flipped out. I just needed my space. He also told me a story about at the gym and I just replied "Sure, and his name" and he ...
A. 19 May 2007: I'm pretty certain that I would have had to have been there to call the gym story reply, but it is absolutely absurd for him to flip out at you for not wanting to hold his hand whilst driving. Has he not passed his driving test? You're supposed to ... (read in full...)
Is 16 too young to be engaged?
Q. Is 16 too young to be engaged? I've been with my boyfriend over a period of 4 years. (I understand 12 is a young age to get with someone and for it to be on going for 4 years) and we recently got engaged. I understand 16 is a very young age to be co...
A. 19 May 2007: I was sceptical when I saw the title but as I read your question, I saw that you're being really mature about this, so I think you're going to be fine.
Love at a young age is a tricky business... People always telling you that you're too young, a... (read in full...)
How do you french kiss? All tips welcome.
Q. how do u french kiss? i really need some tips/advice cuz its been about 4- years sence i french kissed someone and i forgot how, my boyfriend asked me if i knew how to french kiss and i said no the he said he wuz ganna french kiss me until i said i ...
A. 19 May 2007: Sorry, I can't help but notice your age... You were 8 when you first French kissed? Wow, that's really young, but still.
As CD & Abacadaba have said just do what comes naturally and feel good for you.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
How to cope after a very close death???
Q. Hi Everyone, AskEve here. I just wanted to let everyone know I lost my wonderful partner 2 days ago so won't be on for a bit. He was over in Switzerland on business when he passed away. (I wasn't even with him...) I loved him terribly and now...
A. 19 May 2007: Hi Eve, I am so so sorry for your loss. I'm pretty certain any advice you will receive over the next few weeks will seem pretty hopeless, but just remember that things will get better and with time the pain will ease.
Surround yourself with peo... (read in full...)
Guys: is making noises during sex, especially when its our first time sleeping together, sexy?
Q. Stupid question really. Having sex with someone new is always abit weird when its your first time I think. I just wanted to know what people think. Do guys prefer it when we make sex noises or not? x...
A. 19 May 2007: I agree with everything everyone else has said here, but it's worth noting to not go over the top (I'm talking the kind of noises you get in porn)! Keep it fun and sexy.
Good luck & Best wishes!... (read in full...)
I've just realised my BF is only 16 years younger than my parents! How do I tell them?
Q. Hiya I'm 20 from Reading and the man I'm dating is 27 from London. It's never bothered me before until I realized something.... He's only 16 years younger than my parents! My Mum is 43 and my dad is 45. I'm afraid to tell them about my boy...
A. 19 May 2007: Your boyfriend's age is still A LOT closer to yours than theirs (twice as much close), so I really don't think you have anything to worry about.
And even if he was one year younger than your parents, if you really loved him then that would be... (read in full...)
My BF put his computer game before me! Why would he do that?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have always had a shaky relationship, that has now gone on for almost 2 years, but somehow we always recover from any arguments we have. For the last week we've been on and off, on and off...Just the smallest things would have us ...
A. 19 May 2007: Can I just point out the fact that if you were in the middle of something (Watching your favourite TV show, or reading a book), you would not IMMEDIATELY drop what you're doing and get in the car... Your reply would be "Just let me finish this ... (read in full...)
Why would he lose inerest, post-sex?
Q. Why would a guy loose interest in the girl once he had sex with her? ...
A. 19 May 2007: I agree with the comments below, but I really want to stipulate that NOT ALL GUYS are just into girls for sex. There are guys that are after a relationship and commitment, but there are just the few that will chase a girl until he sleeps with her ... (read in full...)
Took the emergency contraceptive pill 5 days ago. How soon can I take it again?
Q. i took the emergency contraceptive pill 5 days ago the condom we used broke so how soon can i take it again?...
A. 19 May 2007: You should definitely mention to the Doctor/Nurse that it's the second time in five days that you've taken it.
I'm pretty certain that they'll get on your back about proper contraception... Which you REALLY should be on if you're having sex that... (read in full...)
SITE NEWS: Video introduction to the site from Andrew, site founder!
Q. Message from Andrew, site founder: (let me know your comments!)...
A. 19 May 2007: I think the integration of video is a really good idea, so long as there's a good mix of both video answers with text answers!
Thanks for all your hard work Andrew!... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and I've only kissed my BF - is the relationship moving too fast?
Q. Hi I'm 16 and my 16 year old sister says i am moving to fast in my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months and we have snogged and we roll around on the bed kissing quite a lot. Am i moving to fast sexually? i dont think i am, ...
A. 17 May 2007: I think your sister is just concerned about what leads on from that rolling around on the bed... Perhaps from her own pass assurance.
So long as you are comfortable with the steps you are taking, and you are being safe, then there shouldn'... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheats on me and we always argue. Does it mean he doesn't respect me?
Q. me and my boyfriend always fight,mainly because he cheats, and hes not discreet. does it show that he disrespects me, or does he want to get rid of me indirectly...
A. 15 May 2007: I'm not sure whether he's trying to tell you that he wants to get rid of you, but he definitely doesn't respect you, and you should leave him if you're really not okay with having this kind of a relationship.
If you've made it clear that you only... (read in full...)
How can I tell my friend she doesn't sing well? And will my bf dump me for not wanting to have sex with him?
Q. hi im 15. me and my boyfriend have been together now for 3 months. he has just left schooland he is 16. he has mentioned sex a few times but i have kept sayin i am too young and i want to wait. he just says ok but if i do not have sex with him will ...
A. 15 May 2007: If your boyfriend is worth having then he means it when he says it's okay. If he really wants to be with you then he should wait until the end of the earth for you. If he doesn't and threatens to leave if you won't sleep with him, then he's not ... (read in full...)
Is it going to be awkward to have his ex in the limo?
Q. I am going to my schools formal soon, and I'm really happy but nervous about one thing. My boyfriends ex is going too, actually with some of his friends that don't have dates, and we are all going to be in the same limo. Is that awkward or what? He ...
A. 15 May 2007: Aside from mentioning how you're feeling to your boyfriend, there's not really much you can do. You can't stop her going to the formal with his friends.
The best thing you can do is to try to be as mature as possible about this and be civil to... (read in full...)
How can I stop hating women? I think this might turn me into a homosexual!
Q. How do I get over hating women? This is affecting how I see every girl and women today! My mother divorced my father when I was 5 Years old. She did everything in her power to stop me visiting my father. She made me lie in court that my fathe...
A. 15 May 2007: First of all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are simply someone who has been through a hell of a lot of crap.
I hope that you know that whatever your sexual preference, no matter what some people might say, there is nothing ... (read in full...)
how do i ask him if its just sex or if its a relationship?
Q. i was sleeping with a guy and fell pregnant we were happy and then all of a sudden he ended it and left town for work. when my baby was born he was all excited and has spent every day with her and we have been having sex again and everything seems ...
A. 15 May 2007: The fact that you haven't mentioned ANY feelings for each other (neither your own or his), I think it would be safe to say that this isn't a romantic relationship.
The best way to go about asking him this is to ask him how he sees the future r... (read in full...)
I want my friend to accept my new style, but she calls me name. What can I tell her?
Q. I'm starting to turn into an emo. I have dyed my hair black and I really feel like one but My best mate that I have known for 8 years doesn't like them and she doesn't like what Ive become and I hang around with all the goths and emos now and She ...
A. 13 May 2007: She's not a very good friend if she'd call you names like that.
Even less of a friend for not accepting you for what you are.
I know it's not nice, but you just have to accept that some people are narrow-minded and mean.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
He wants me out of the house but half of it is mine!
Q. Today my partner has just got back from another weekend away to get away from me. He wants me to move to my mams as things are bad and he doesn't want to be around me. The house is in both our names and i keep refusing to go until he gives me my s...
A. 13 May 2007: Get a lawyer and get what is rightfully & legally yours.
Then leave this pathetic excuse for a man, and get on with your life without his abuse.
You are better than he is, because he's acting like a child.
Good luck & Best wishes.... (read in full...)
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