A
female
age
30-35,
*eatherMcLovin
writes:Hi. (New to Dear Cupid). I apologize ahead of time for how long this may turn out. I guess it all depends on how much detail I use, or if I start summarizing halfway through... Well, the thing is, I am incredibly in love with a best friend, who also happens to be an ex. (R.L., since we can't use names). So, you can say that I am best friends with an ex. First off- yes, he knows. What's odd, is that we are now closer than ever... Closer than when we were together. (Very briefly by the way)... But he had chosen me over another girl that he had feelings for. (R.N.) We have been friends for a year now, we clicked right from the start and grew to be the best of friends. We both admitted one night that we had always had feelings for one another but never showed them. A couple of weeks later, we went on our first date, and 2 days after that became a couple. We only lasted for 8 days... (Hey, I told you it was brief). Which is unfortunate. He has had my heart for quite some time... And broke my heart most terribly one night by telling me that we could give it another shot, SOON. (Getting my hopes up). And telling me about an hour later, that he had gotten with the girl I mentioned earlier in the story, (R.N.) that very day. (Crushing the hopes he gave me that same night). This sent me into a depression that lasted about a month, and it still comes around off and on. It was a very painful thing that he did. To this day, he says he doesn't know why he said that. But anyways, I need to move forward with my explanation. A while back, maybe a month ago, we admitted to each other that we still have strong feelings for each other. Like I said, we are very close and tell each other everything. We have an apparent chemistry and magical connection. It may sound terribly cliche, but if the situation I'm in were a movie, I would honestly be the girl you would be rooting for to be with him. I feel bad for saying that... But he is still with R.N., and they love each other... But, here is where the plot thickens. I have been in love with him for quite some time now, and recently told him. (He knew I had feelings for him, but he did not know to what extent, he did not know that I am in love with him). Surprisingly, he said that he feels the same way. But, he also (clearly) feels this way for his current girlfriend, R.N. After telling him that I am in love with him, I told him to stay with her for as long as he possibly can, and to be very happy with her. Because in my opinion, that's what love is. Love is when you would sacrifice your own happiness for their happiness. It's dealing with the heartache that I have difficulty with. Depression is something that runs through my family, and I can honestly say that the only time I'm happy is when I am around or talking to him, R.L. I guess my question is, am I a terrible person for the way I feel about him (since he is taken)? Also, did I do the right thing in telling him to be with her so that he can be happy? I am going to be stuck in this position for a very long time.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 September 2008):
 You can't help how you feel about him, the only thing you have control over is how you HANDLE those feelings. I also think that your telling him to be with his girlfriend is a rather a moot point, I mean he's going to be with her if he feels like it anyway. I guess at least you walk away with his friendship. Time will help with the heartache and I think with the depression. Try to stay busy.
A
male
reader, zelgamer +, writes (18 September 2008):
 It does not make you a terrible person for loving someone, you can't help it, it's just the way you feel, but I would still recommend you don't try to steal him away from her. If it's really bothering you that much however, try to move on. I believe if somethings meant to be it's meant to be and that doesn't have to be now. We all make mistakes and someday he might realize that he was wrong, but in that same token he might realize that he is with the right one. Try your best to move on, and rely on your friends (ones you trust obviously) or family to help you get through this.
...............................
|
