A
female
age
30-35,
*eather1105
writes:How can a person be happily married, yet fall for someone else? If the person is happily married then they wouldn't have committed any acts to have fallen in love with someone other than their spouse to begin with, right? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): From personal experience, I don't believe a person can be happily married if they fall for someone else. They may think everything is ok until someone enters their lives and turns their world upside-down. Then, in retrospect, it becomes obvious that there was indeed something fundamentally lacking in their marriage - something this new interloper provided.
Therefore, I maintain that it is the fault of BOTH parties if one person strays or a marriage fails. It is too easy to think of one as as 'womaniser' or 'man-mad'and the culprit, without looking at ones'self and asking "why?"
Anonymous's summing up says it right: Communication, not taking eachother for granted, never assuming everything is ok, always striving to make your partner that bit happier and to be on the same wavelength regarding worries, fears etc. and taking them seriously. These things are vital for a happy marriage for without any of those, the rot can slowly but surely set in.
I hope this helps Miss.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): This is a pretty heavy question for a teenager to be asking. Still, it is an important one. Marriage is a wonderfully layered, complex relationship. That means it can be gloriously simple at times and seriously challenging at other times. Think of a roller coaster - the overall ride is a blast, but some parts of the ride can make you feel sick and terrified, other parts are pure excitement and joy, and there can even be a let down and a bit boring at times too. At any stage of life we can find other people attractive - even when we are in a committed relationship that we would describe as happy and content. The key is in not jumping to conclusions such as a) I wouldn't have feelings for other people if I was truly happy and b) if I am intrigued by someone else I must be in love with them and not the person I am with/married to. These are what you call sucker's choices - either choice is flawed and doesn't get to the core issue which is how do I remain TRUE TO MY BEST SELF in all my relationships with people? If someone is feeling tempted to stray outside of their marriage there is usually something going on with the person in question that they are not dealing with honestly. It may not be that they are no longer in love, but that they are no longer in touch with their own emotions, feelings, worries, stress, whatever and they are looking for someone else to escape with. That is just one possible scenario, but the cheater is also the person struggling with big issues - they are just too scared or simply not able to see the situation in those terms. It is really hard to do that in a culture that gives us MULTIPLE examples on a daily basis of how men and women are supposed to get together based on sex first, love maybe second, and commitment as a distant third.No one is perfect and people make bad choices when they don't want to listen to that little voice inside that warns them when they are playing with fire. They will try to justify their choices by saying they are just doing what makes them happy and will try to point to everyone else as either being with them or against them in determining their own happiness. Truth is, we each choose and create our own joy, we are really in more control than we'd like to admit.I hope this helps you a bit - trust me, I am going to be 41 this year and my thoughts, feelings, emotions on this subject have come a long way in even the past couple years! When I was your age I'm not even sure I thought about it. Once I started dating things changed, but it was a black and white issue - I could not comprehend any gray areas. Now, I can see a lot more nuances, but the one thing I can say to you now is that a healthy, loving relationship is one that rolls with the punches, where the couple stays in honest communication with each other no matter what. That kind of connection can take awhile to develop, but it also takes a lifetime to nurture. Are you worried about your parents or another couple? Perhaps sorting this out for yourself?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Why are you asking, are your parents going through some difficulties?
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A
female
reader, miss know it all  +, writes (15 September 2008):
This is a case of where you have to work out if you are really happily married because it is normal to have feelings for someone else but not to fall in love with them if you are happily married. I suggest you sit down and really figure out if you truly love the person you are married to and ask yourself why you are having these feelings for someone else because in the long run someone could really get hurt. I hope this information guides you to who you really want to be with.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Confused5 +, writes (15 September 2008):
Well i just asked myself that same question. I think that there is much missing when you look elsewhere. I know that if you truly love the person you are with .. you will cherish them, and not allow yourself to fall.
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