A
female
age
41-50,
*ander
writes:i was dating a quy he is 42 and i am 32 he says he is too old to have a child i have known him since i was 18 i dated him while he was marriend for 2 years and then she found out about us and he went back to her so i told him not to come back into my life until he was divorced well after 8 years he got divorced and called me we started dating he will spend time with me made me fall back in love with him again and then after 2 years standing by him like that he treated me like crap i still sacrifce my whole life for him and i don't understand why he says now he doesnt a child by me he said he is too old he wants to do things in life well my thing is he is still going to be living at home with his parents and done nothing in his life and i think he is being seflfish what is your suggestion on this sitution i am going to send you my other all capps letter so you can understand a little bit better cause i have a long story i cant sume it up i need a lot of suggestes on this situation.[Moderator's note: Please write at this page, as an update, any more information that you can provide and is relevant. If you put fragments of your story at different pages, the succession will be difficult to follow. Update us here please.]
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female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (12 September 2008):
 Mander sweetie,
some men don't care what you want or how good your life is. There mind is on themselves and you don't matter, with the exception of being there when they want sex.
They can do this because they obviously don't have a conscience and again... they don't care.
The other suggestion/advice I have is to be done with him. You've done it once, do it again and find that person that will return your love many times over and have a baby with them.
You're not going to find happiness in this relationship, no matter what you do.
Michelle
A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (11 September 2008):
eyeswideopen and birdynumnums have given you great advice.
It's crazy to want to know how to change his mind about having a child. Think about what you are asking.
You want to have a child with a man that cheated with you, on his wife, now treats you like crap and tells you that he DOESN'T want a child.
How much more information or advice do you need to make you realize this would be a very bad decision.
If you feel you can't stop taking the abuse from him, then that's one story, however; don't bring an innocent child into your mess. They don't deserve it.
Wake up sweetie, you DO NOT want a child with this man or any man like him.
Good luck, keep us informed of your thoughts and what you do.
Michelle
PS - If he cheated on his wife with you... he will more than likely cheat on you with someone else.
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A
female
reader, mander +, writes (11 September 2008):
mander is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah but i want to know why is these guys can come into your life and knowing that you wanted a family and he just runines it and he said he is too old to have a baby what is wrong with that i scarfice a lot for him all this time and a long time ago gave him evevthing that he wanted and then sum and he still crap on me for what i don't understand and he just came into my life knowing i had a good life before i started to date him back and he made me fall back into love with him and then he tells me that he don't want a kid what other kind other suggest you can give me or advice or can give me
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 September 2008):
 Okay, let me get this straight, you were with this guy who was cheating on his then wife, helped destroy his marriage, finally the wife kicks him to the curb, he then moves back and LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS at the tender age of 42, he treats you like crap, and you want a baby with this loser. What's wrong with this picture? Sheesh!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 September 2008):
 Why on earth would you want to have a baby with someone who treats you like crap? Babies don't fix marriages or relationships, they don't act like cement and keep people together or fix what is broken. You will be doing a great disservice to your Child, that brand new PERSON, by bringing them into a relationship that is so dysfunctional.
Instead of going forward with a relationship that has been sucking the life out of you for so long, get into therapy and find out why you are allowing yourself to be treated this way by some else for so long. You do deserve a relationship where you are loved and cherished by someone else, but YOU are the person that is allowing ALL of this to happen to You.
"""""You cannot change other people, you can only change Yourself."""""
Until you realize this, you are stuck in the mud and just spinning the tires. You can't move forward with someone who isn't even interested in your emotional well being. He has been entirely self-involved and selfish for most of his lifetime and has been using you for a decade without any commitment. He cheated on his wife, which is NEVER a good sign, even if it was With You. It's time to consider that the only way to get what you want for yourself is to be with someone other than this person, and that you have to love yourself more than you love this man who does nothing for you but waste your time. I'm assuming, of course, that you wrote in here to see how other people honestly view your relationship and that you truly want honest opinions from all different viewpoints, so please take this opinion in the spirit in which it was written. I hope that you will be able to make some difficult and necessary decisions in order to move on with your life and find some happiness. Best of luck, Dear.
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