A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I lied to my ex about being pregnant. Im not. He split with me 6 weeks ago, we were together a year. 2 weeks later he started seeing another girl.I was very hurt but I let him get on with it. The 3 weeks ago I heard that him and his new gf were gettin on really well. That my broke my heart and on impulse I phoned him and said I was pregnant. He asked me to meet him so I did. He said although he did not want the child he would support me and the decision I made. He was really nice about it. Over the days following my "conession" I was expecting him to split with his gf, but he didnt. I started to become pressurising saying that I needed him, wanted him back etc but he ended up shouting at me saying just cos I was having his baby didnt mean that we had to get back together and that he wanted me to have an abortion. I didnt speak to him for a few days and then when I met up with him again I lied and said I had booked an abortion. I was supposed to of had it yesterday. He text me yesterday to ask if i was ok, i said yes, he said he wanted to get on with his life now and stopped texting me. I know that what Ive done is bad and Ive only hurt myself by lying. Im worried that he's making me mentally ill. He's the one person who iv only ever loved and who has hurt me bad. Everthing he says or does reduces me to tears, sometimes he doesnt even know what hes done wrong. Im in a zombe state and every time I see him/hear about him/see him with his gf I actually feel like I will throw up. I cant bear him to be with anyone else. Im thinking about moving away, for my own emotional good, as I feel like I will never get over this and Im worried at what else I may say or do on impulse. Im crying every day and at work. Ive lost weight and I cant eat. Please dont tell me that time is the best healer, I already know that but there is no possible way I can get over him when I live near him and we have the same friends. When he text me when he thought I had the abortion telling me to leave him alone and get on with his life, I really thought about ending it all cos that said to me that he really does not care; in his mind I'd just terminated his child and he was telling me to leave him alone when he should of been supporting me. Its like this one person, and hes nothing special not even a nice man, has got the biggest hold over me and my life, everything is about him. How will I ever get over this
View related questions:
abortion, at work, get back together, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): Hi,
I came across your post and just wanted to say I am going through the exact same situation, minus the abortion thing. I feel like I am whole heartedly dependent on my ex who started seeing someone new recently. We have been on and off for 2 years, and I just can't accept that this may be THE last time.
I don't know if I am in love or feeling rejected. But I noticed your post was in September 2008. May I just ask, how are you doing now, a year and couple months later?
Are you over him yet? How long did it take to heal? I just need hope that I will eventually get over this. :(
Any advice would be great, thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): Hi,
I came across your post and just wanted to say I am going through the exact same situation, minus the abortion thing. I feel like I am whole heartedly dependent on my ex who started seeing someone new recently. We have been on and off for 2 years, and I just can't accept that this may be THE last time.
I don't know if I am in love or feeling rejected. But I noticed your post was in September 2008. May I just ask, how are you doing now, a year and couple months later?
Are you over him yet? How long did it take to heal? I just need hope that I will eventually get over this. :(
Any advice would be great, thanks.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just like to say thanx 2 all for readin and helping me with my problem. For the anonymous poster tho, I think you are absolutely right in what youve said and it has made me think twice about why im feeling like this. I do have a big problem with rejection and find it difficult when Im rejected by a man. I think back to when I was with my ex and I actually didnt love him as much as I thought I did. Its just when hes gone I want him back!! Thats not love I dont think.......so thank you
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Dear, can I please tell you something, which may be difficult for you to hear? But this is not love that you are feeling, it is rejection. You are obsessing because you have been rejected. The best thing for you to do is to get away for at least a weekend.
...............................
A
male
reader, Talksense +, writes (19 September 2008):
Hi, I did say you can't help who you fall in love with, Obviously this guy has something about him that really does it for you. It can take a long time to properly move on, but you can help yourself by trying all you can to not being in the places where you know he will be. If you meet any of your friends who are friends with him make sure you don't talk about him tho of course you will be tempted. If you bump into him then so be it, you can't always avoid him.
Basically, you need time by yourself or just go out n have some fun because you will not be ready for another love for a significant time. I've been there like many others and it does take time, you're lucky as well tho cos at least you're able to meet new people and have flings to occupy your time some people find it hard to even meet another person and then it's really hard. So you should make the most off what you've got as you're in the prime of your life!!
1nce again Good Luck!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm actually 23. I know, what Ive done is very immature. Yes it may seem that I have attachment issues but its not as if I cant get anyone else, I am able to meet and date other guys and I have done in the past. But Ive never loved anyone other than him and I dont know why its him it just is - you cant help who you fall for.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 September 2008):
 If it is possible for you to move then do it. It will help your recovery if you don't constantly run into him on the street. I know you said you don't want to hear it, but there is no magic wand that can make the pain go away, just time. Try to stay as busy as you can, that helps keep your mind occupied. And when you are feeling better you might consider writing him a letter and telling him that you were never pregnant, he has a right to know you never aborted a child of his. Good luck, we have all been through what you are going through and survived, you will too.
...............................
A
male
reader, Talksense +, writes (19 September 2008):
Alright, It would be interesting to know how old you are. I guess you're between 16-18. I wonder why you are so into this guy? I'm not talkin about being in love with him as you can't help that if you still are, but it seems like you are fully dependent on him for your own self esteem/worth which is a different matter. That seems to be the reason why you lied and said you were pregnant to try and 'trap' which you know is totally wrong.
I don't mean to be harsh but you're coming across as really desperate and that will frighten him off more than anything. I bet his either you're first boyfriend or the first time you've been with someone for so long. It seems you have some issues regarding attachment, which is becoming obsessive.
You need to look back and maybe talk with someone about why you are so dependent on someone else for you to feel loved and wanted, maybe you were lackin something like that growing up. If you were then you need to concentrate on building your self esteem and you might want to start working on things to keep you busy so you can forget about it and move on quicker, because it's not he has a hold on you but you can't move on from him. The fact and reality is hun that you aren't gonna get him back so you have no other alternative and that he got involved with someone so quickly then you may have been with him longer than he wanted anyway.
I know it's easier said than done but you have to pull yourself together, for one guy in a ocean full of guys is nothin ( i mean do you really think you'll never find another guy like that again,of course you will !!) In a few years you will look back and can't believe how silly you have been, but in the meantime sort out your attachment issues.
I wish you the best of luck
...............................
|
