A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help! Jusge me if you want but I was 16 at the time and naive now I am stuck! I started to see this guy when I was 16, he was bit older than me. When we first went on a date he told me he had a girlfriend and like an idiot i carried on seeing him believing that he would leave his girlfriend. 18 months down the line (i now 18) he is now married to her. He says its because he dosent want to tie me down and have me be with him and feel as if I have not lived my life. I believe him all the time and somehow think once Ive completed university we will be together. But part of me feels I am being stupid and seriosuly need to grow up!! That he will never leave her!! He has told me he loves me but because of the age gap he dosent want to ruin my life? I feel like Im being stupid but at the same time feel like we have something really special. I need someone else's perspective or for someone to absolutely shout at me! Anything would be great! I feel so strongly for this man and would do anything for him but how can he really love me if he is with someone else? Does he Love me or is it all just words to him? Please help me I'm desperate!! Thanks xx
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female
reader, lovetrapped +, writes (5 November 2008):
hi i am the person who said they were in a similar situation to you and yes i would be more than happy to carry on talking to you about this. im just sorry ti has taken so long to get back to you just i hvae had a lot go on in my relationship with my older man that needed dealing with. hope your doing ok message me bk xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi I just want to say thanks to everyone your comments have been really helpful and I know I deserve better. Unfortunately I am so weak when it comes to him, the person who wrote a response last I would really like to speak to you more if you would thanks xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): hi there well I can't really help you that much I'm afraid. I share your position a bit you see I am also with a older man and he is with another women. However he is not married to her. I also feel very strongly for my man but I know what you mean, you question your self don't you on whether your doing the right thing and whether they actually care about you or if they only want one thing from ya and are saying anything to get it. So I know were you are coming from and I feel for you I really do. All I can say is that my man uses the same sort of excuses so maybe they are both the same type of man and don't mean it but I know it's hard not to believe them. I think that I know I should end it now! Hope I have helped you a bit, or if ya just wanna keep talking about this I'm more than happy to.
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A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (20 September 2008):
 You deserve to be with a guy who loves you and is free to do it and give you everything you deserve in life. But if you can't cut this married guy out of your life, seek professional help to delve into the issues why and to get the help you need to do so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): You really should do your best to forget this creep - you really deserve better and there are plently of nice men out there who will treat you better and put you first.
You have the perfect opportunity now to forget this loser and move on as you will meet lots of eligible men in college!! He's just using you, unfortunately that's all it is. Concentrate on your studies, make lots of new friends for socialising with and believe you, you will have forgotten about this idiot very soon!!
Good Luck XXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, Anonymouscounseler +, writes (19 September 2008):
You are obviosly intelligent but relationships can make a fool of every one of us. You are right in assuming that he is using rather than loving you, as he would of made some positive steps to change. You are in the ideal place for much social interaction and I would advise you pass him over, and enjoy all the social life the university has too ooffer. Have a great time you owe it to yourself.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 September 2008):
 No he doesn't love you, and he doesn't love her either if you ask me. You are the sex, she is the stability. End of.
He's a low life, why would you want him? He has cheated on his wife since before they were even married. Why would you want a bloke like that? Seriously, i wouldn't lower myself to make do with someone like that, let alone be able to love them. I know i am worth more, and so should you.
He's a scum bag i'm afraid, plain and simple.
I think its disgusting that he took advantage of your nievity when you were 16. He will carry on using you, it flatters his ego and lets him feel in control. And i expect he likes living dangerously. Not an unusual mindset for a playa.
Its gonna need to be you that puts a stop to it. I just think it sucks to think someone of your age is selling themselves short like this and missing out on a decent guy. I was married by your age. Ok he was a pain in the but, but he never cheated, and overall we were best friends too. We split 16 yrs ago, but are still mates now even though we both moved on and had children with other people. Our 11 yr old daughters are in the same form at school as it happens! lol
Hope you have the strength to do the right thing real soon. Its a pity you and his wife are going through this.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 September 2008):
 You are right if he truly loved you he WOULDN'T be with someone else. After knowing you he even went ahead and got married. Yep you are being stupid and you are allowing him to use you for sex. Trust me that's all it is. If you don't believe try cutting off the sex and see just how interested he is. Time to cut your losses and move on.
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