Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 28 June 2014: Fatherly Advice, let's talk again after your MIL and SIL have come to your home and, in your absence and without your permission, have decided to remove ,say, your prized Cyndi Lauper's CD collection from the place you had assigned to it :), ... (read in full...)
Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 28 June 2014: Amen to Mark 1978 again.
Op, when someone is verbally and emotionally constant abuser, ....what other informations are needed ?! .
OP, suppose you have a child ( a son, a kid brother ) who goes to elementary school, and he comes home sev... (read in full...)
Advice for a long distance relationship?
Q. So let me start from the beginning: I'm 15 years old and met my boyfriend at school in August. This was the first year he had ever been to my school, and unfortunately appears to be the last. We've had arguments and such but they always draw us ...
A. 28 June 2014: Oh you are in love , Op, I do not doubt it. The point is, what are you going to do with this love, until you aren't grown up , independent , and have got your own money ?
Travels costs, in MONEY, effort and time. Will your dad want / be able to p... (read in full...)
If we break up will he give up on our daughter too? I am tired of his abuse and his behaviour
Q. I know he treats me bad but sometimes some people re abusive because they love you too much, this is my baby daddy and he is emotionally abusing me. He left me pregnant and came back when baby was 3 months blaming me for making him leave. We ...
A. 28 June 2014: So do not sleep with him and tell him to go to hell, no return ticket offered.
I do not believe that any kind of dada is better than no dada.
He is a BAD type of dad , so if your daughter will grow without him around, she will grow without ... (read in full...)
Serious relationship for 2 years. Yet he flirts. He says he doesn't want to be mean or hurt their feelings. But what about my feelings?
Q. As much as I love my boyfriend I seem to have a problem with something - the way he acts with other woman. My boyfriend is what most people would call a 'natural flirt' and honestly it bothers me a lot. We live in a small town and he knows a lot ...
A. 28 June 2014: It seems you are at a stalemate, because it's not that he does not imagine or understand how his behaviour affects you: he knows, you told him, you have explaoned him, you have asked him to change.
He won't. Whatever you say or do , he'll keep... (read in full...)
How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 28 June 2014: No, it's not nice as a relative to be able to do things for each other without permission ! where is this coming from ?! I must say that to me this sounds like a very very bizarre concept. I have a sister, we are in very good terms, we never ... (read in full...)
My online boyfriend shouts at me and hangs up, but I am lonely without him
Q. I am in a relationship with a guy. We came to know each other through online dating website. It's been 1 year we have still not meet each other. In the initial 2-3 months he was very loving. He made me feel true love. He has been going through ...
A. 28 June 2014: Accept that you will feel lonely for a while !, the time to substitute this " company " with other more suitable, more deserving people/ friends / Hobbies / activities. You will feel a bit lonely, but at least you won't feel ... ridicolous. Don't ... (read in full...)
He hasn't responded since sex in the stairwell
Q. I recently rekindled with this guy I met once several years ago. I ran into him at a party and there was definite chemistry and the night ended with a sexual encounter in the stairwell. We agreed to meet up later that week. I sent him a text the ...
A. 27 June 2014: Interesting theory , CMMP. But if you were right , then ONS ( ONE night stands ) would not even exist- they do, instead. So yes, it also happens , and not too seldom, alas, that people are happy enough with the performance, YET they do not want ... (read in full...)
My best friend showed me a picture of my boyfriend kissing another girl and he had the audacity to tell me I betrayed this relationship because I choose this "other source" over him!
Q. My best friend showed me a picture of my boyfriend kissing another girl. When I confronted my boyfriend he demanded who had told me. I ever gave him the name. He then told me I betrayed this relationship because I choose this "other source" over ...
A. 27 June 2014: Because he did not know what else to say, he got caught with egg all over his face , lol ! He HAD to cling to something to, at least, not look like a total schmuck, didn't he ? So he brought up your " loyalty ", and believing more to your friend ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my Dad that I'm dating?
Q. Alright so I'm 14 and going against my dad's rules, I've been dating this boy for 8 months. I want to tell my parents in dating this guy and I know how to tell my mom but how do I tell my dad? I mean what's the big deal, I've never done drugs or ...
A. 27 June 2014: I take it your Dad is using a figure of speech ?, at least I hope ?
This may sound like a dumb question, but USA is a big country hosting people from very different traditions and cultures.
In my country in recent years there have been a f... (read in full...)
He hasn't responded since sex in the stairwell
Q. I recently rekindled with this guy I met once several years ago. I ran into him at a party and there was definite chemistry and the night ended with a sexual encounter in the stairwell. We agreed to meet up later that week. I sent him a text the ...
A. 27 June 2014: Give up. If it was supposed to be as casual as you say, you have already sent 3 texts too many.... (read in full...)
Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 27 June 2014: Amen to Mark1978.
Sigh.. it gets a bit frustrating to be an Aunt some times. Not that I would ever expect or WISH that people took my words as the oracle... but then, also KNOWING that everything we say gets in the right ear just to imme... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but doesn't want to get married
Q. I've been with my bf for two and half years. I'm 23 and he is 40. He was married and it ended with a nasty divorce (before we met). I honestly see him as the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with but there is a huge problem. He doesn't want ...
A. 27 June 2014: No you are not wrong for wanting to get married to the man you love. Marriage is not " mandatory " as it was, but it is still for millions of people something meaningful and desirable and important. So, how can you be wrong for wanting something ... (read in full...)
There always seemed to be a push-pull dynamic, and now she's broken up with me
Q. I was in a relationship for about two years. It was always very difficult to describe. We were very much in love. When we were together, two people couldn't have been better friends or better partners. We literally completed each other and made each ...
A. 27 June 2014: You had been breaking up every month for two years,... and you were thinking of marrying her ?? because she had been " good " a little bit longer this time ? ...
I don't know if your ex is borderline, but it appears to me that you were big part... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue!
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a little less than two years. We met at work and were friend for a year before getting together. I moved to another town for grad school 7 months ago, but we still see each other at least once a month and ...
A. 27 June 2014: ... It is never out of the blue. Often people , for a number of reasons, start getting disenchanted with a relationship and inching their way out of it, slowly and subtly. Some times the signals are really so subtle that it would take an FBI ... (read in full...)
Am I really going too far our of my way just to hang out with my friends once or twice a year?
Q. For the past 3.5 years after college graduation, I've visited my college friends 1-2 times a year which costs me a $250+ round-trip flight every time. To be honest, friends have been a rare thing in my life, so I'm glad to call these two my close...
A. 27 June 2014: If you can afford it, I don't see the problem. As long as you aren't skipping meals or shutting your heating off or going through unnecessary hardships to get yourself this pleasure, then why not ?
There's people that spends as much on booze in a... (read in full...)
Should I worry about the child getting in the way
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a few months, he is lovely and everything is going great. But!!! he has a two year old son I have never met him as we both decided until we are ready to commit to each other, I won't meet him. I love kids and I'm ...
A. 26 June 2014: Most 20 years old want to have children early ?? ..then most 20 years old do not get what they want, since the average age for first childbirth is 30 in UK !
Anyway, no I do not think you are wrong either. I think, in fact, you are pretty open mind... (read in full...)
How busy should an adult be? What if you are not as busy as people you know?
Q. I am a quieter person with a quieter life, I have a few friends who I see occasionally, and I enjoy seeing them, but I am alone a lot, as a few ppl I know are. Aside from work I live alone, (no pets, not allowed.) if I could I get one. I am happy...
A. 26 June 2014: Well, not all "want " to be so busy, but a day is only 24 hours and a week only 7 days, and they fill up pretty fast.
To begin with, if you have young kids , you basically ARE busy 24/7, and the occasional spare time that you can get "fre... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that enough is enough?
Q. Hi and thanks, I am confused about my relationship status because my bf breaks up ALOT and on Monday he said technically we're friends. I questioned him but as usual he was being cold to me. We were off and on for over 2 yrs, in this time I f...
A. 25 June 2014: I don't see that you'd need a particular " how ". " I have had enough, go on with your life ,buzz off " sounds perfect to me . Short, clear and to the point.
If it wasn't for the fact that if he is so easy to fly off the handle and become verb... (read in full...)
He went away without me and I feel like I need to even the score
Q. My BF of a year and a half is away for a month. Visiting family in South America. I am not going because I have no $$. He knows this and still went for a month without me. I am hurt and jealous and annoyed. It comes after several rocky months of him ...
A. 25 June 2014: But he is visiting his family ! It's not his fault if his family lives in South America. If they lived in Columbus, Ohio, he'd go see them in Columbus, Ohio. But , they happen to live in South America, and , if, once in a Blue moon ( I don't ... (read in full...)
How can I trust my boyfriend when he promises he won't cheat on me again?
Q. I want to be able to trust my boyfriend, I really do but at times I can't help but doubt what he says when I know he has cheated and lied to me before. We have been together on and off for four years, nearly five. He cheated on me after about a ye...
A. 25 June 2014: How can you trust him... ? You can't . He cheated on you twice. Enough said.
Everybody deserves a second chance, and nobody a third.... (read in full...)
How to get over this fall out with my uncle?
Q. Hi I had a 'fall out' with my uncle back in September last year and since then he has just totally ignored/blanked me....when before he wuld have spoken to come and not walk past and totally ignore me. It all started when he said I need to 'earn ...
A. 25 June 2014: I think in part it is like Eyeswideopen says, if your
" no ", although legitimate , was rude or sassy, Uncle surely did not appreciate it.
Another thing , I guess, is the particular structure of your living conditions.
It sounds like it's tw... (read in full...)
Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 25 June 2014: Sorry, personally I think your bf is just an abusive prick, but don't mind me and my , necessarily uninformed, assessment.
My point is, suppose it is " just " RJ.
Should you / could you / would you just stay put taking abuse, while he sorts ou... (read in full...)
Advice for a long distance relationship?
Q. So let me start from the beginning: I'm 15 years old and met my boyfriend at school in August. This was the first year he had ever been to my school, and unfortunately appears to be the last. We've had arguments and such but they always draw us ...
A. 25 June 2014: Well, I'd give more heed to your father's opinion, ... since after all he is supposed to be the guy who should finance all these frequent visits to Florida and be the one ( either him, or your mom ) to take time out of their personal committments ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex FWB still talk sex when he says he just wants to be friends
Q. So yesterday I called a guy out through text that i used to hook up with/have FWB's with about why he is always saying sexual things to me when we are just supposed to be friends now. He has said these things to me almost a dozen times and every ...
A. 25 June 2014: .. And you ignore him back . You do not need a friend like that, you can't be "friends " with him, because friends do not have sex together and do not tease each other sexually. Do you have the same kind of relationship with your good female ... (read in full...)
Why don't my family like my boyfriend?
Q. Ok so I need some help trying to figure out why my family (parents and aunt and uncles) have a gut feeling about my new bf but can't give me any reason why they don't trust him. I'm really close to my family and normally they are fine with people I...
A. 24 June 2014: So basically he was glued to you all the time and all over you ,even when sitting beside you- at meals, maybe, or during conversations with other guests and family members. Yeah, not a mortal sin, but I can see how it would piss off / annoy ... (read in full...)
Dating for 9 months. Now she's decided that she's not ready for a relationship? What can I do?
Q. She told she is not ready for relationship, I've been dating her for nine months. Now and all of the sudden this happens. What do i do ? Do i wait ? We headed off since we first met everything was good we had great conversations we wen...
A. 24 June 2014: No, don't wait. So she wants to be free, but she would not mind to keep you around as a provider of all expenses paid vacations ? Nice try. Not very flattering or convenient for you, though.
Look, eventually it all boils down to monogamy. What... (read in full...)
I am jealous of my boyfriend's daughter and I'm currently pregnant with his kid
Q. I know how horrible this makes me sound but I can't seem to stop it, as much as I want to. He has a daughter who i just about 3 years old. Since the beginning of our relationship I always felt a tinge of jealousy when he'd cancel plans with me ...
A. 24 June 2014: Ok, just to be clear, I am not calling you a liar. I take your word that you have been very scrupolous in using birth control , and just unlucky.
Let me say as a side note ,though, that by reading DC one would think that the human body has star... (read in full...)
I'm left feeling confused after a great night with an ex
Q. Well, I broke up my ex two years ago. We were together for seven years, but he wasn't happy in himself - he wasn't always nice to me in the last few years and quite negative. I felt he didn't love me and I started to emotionally distance myself ...
A. 24 June 2014: Ok, point taken. After all you know him better, so if you say he is a sincere , genuine guy, so be it.
He could still be an " in the moment " person, though, - and I still invite you to wait and see what happens without too many expectations or w... (read in full...)
He knew religion was important to me, but now he says he won't convert
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and have been dating for about 6 months. We absolutely love each other and we have a very strong relationship. I am Muslim and he is Christian. We used to be close friends before we started ...
A. 23 June 2014: @ Dionee'- just for the record : a Muslim man CAN marry a Christian or Jewish woman, if he wants. Her conversion is appreciated of course, but not mandatory. A Muslim woman CANNOT marry a kitabi ( "people from the Book " : Christian or Jewish ... (read in full...)
My The dilemma - I want to get married soonish; he doesn't. He wants to study. What compromises could be considered? Any suggestions?
Q. Hello. My boyfriend and I are in our mid 20's and this month we have been dating for five years. Our first two years of dating we lived in different towns which were 250 miles apart. The next two years we lived together. And for the next four ...
A. 23 June 2014: I think you just don't feel that sure about his committment and willingness to settle down with you , hopefully forever. You fear at some level that he is slipping you away and may be slowly worming out of his " obligations ".
It is a matt... (read in full...)
Would you state your feelings in front of this guy?
Q. I have a guy friend, we are also work colleagues. I have been in love with him for over 6 months now. 3 months ago, due to the interest of one older male colleague, we had a fight. There were signs he was interested in dating me, but for several ...
A. 23 June 2014: Why, would it matter what he wants ?...
You are with someone else - would you act on your attraction / infatuation if the Mexican guy gave you green light ?... Would you cheat on your Bf and have a secret fling ? Or, maybe would you just dump... (read in full...)
Help my crush is being taken away from me!!
Q. Hiya I need all the possible help needed and as soon as possible please!! So I like this boy and he likes me back but were not going out as we don't want to ruin our friendship. But I want more I am thinking of asking him out tomorrow but the...
A. 23 June 2014: You move on, what would you be waiting for.
He said he does not want a Gf atm, it may be a way to let you down easy ,without hurting your feelings ( probable ) - or it might be the absolute truth, he likes being single and flirting with all ... (read in full...)
If he's interested in me, why won't he act on it?
Q. Ok my question is for men. What are men really thinking when they stare at you like i mean not only even subtle to make it clear to you they are doing it, then flirt with you and steal looks at your chest. I thought this guy may have liked me but h...
A. 23 June 2014: Eh, if every guy who ever checked out my chest from when I was 13 on, had asked me out, I would never have spent one single night home alone watching TV.
Checking out your chest, or stealing looks at it, means " nice chest, I like what I see ... (read in full...)
If he's married then obviously it's a disaster waiting to happen
Q. Ok. Long story short, someone tried to break into my house but did'nt manage to do so. I was'nt home at the time but found my front door broken when I came home. I went to the police station to report what happened. While I was there, I was ...
A. 23 June 2014: I have to disagree with you, based on my experience this officer was very unprofessional. I went to the police a couple of times to report small stuff, like the loss of my passport or something, and since I was relaxed and not upset, ( how ... (read in full...)
Should I get my Mum to cancel her trip?
Q. I'm having a really hard time with my sister at the moment. We both live in the UK (and another sister) and our Mum lives abroad. I do a lot of theatre work (as a hobby) and a few months ago I landed a part in one of my favourite plays. It's one ...
A. 23 June 2014: Well, if your Mom is usually such a handful to deal with, it would surely have been wiser, and more considerate, to consult with both sisters and make sure that this visit would not interfere with their plans too, so in that I can understand your ... (read in full...)
I'm left feeling confused after a great night with an ex
Q. Well, I broke up my ex two years ago. We were together for seven years, but he wasn't happy in himself - he wasn't always nice to me in the last few years and quite negative. I felt he didn't love me and I started to emotionally distance myself ...
A. 23 June 2014: While I feel we do not have elements enough to decide firmly that your ex is an opportunist who says what you want to hear, as Sageoldguy implies, still it is a distinct possibility. Particularly if " we had a great night " should mean you spent ... (read in full...)
He knew religion was important to me, but now he says he won't convert
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and have been dating for about 6 months. We absolutely love each other and we have a very strong relationship. I am Muslim and he is Christian. We used to be close friends before we started ...
A. 23 June 2014: What do you mean " my parents told me explicitely that I have to marry a Muslim guy " ?? Your parents did not need to tell you anything !, if you were born and raised Muslim you KNOW already that a Muslim woman can only marry another Muslim, ... (read in full...)
What do guys mean when they call a girl 'cute'?
Q. Dear Auntz. I have always told myself that i will never date a guy who describes me as 'cute'. And here i am now dating that guy. He is very nice and sweet to me. We went out twice so far so we just started dating. I am really attracted to him phys...
A. 22 June 2014: Cute as ugly but acceptable ? Then you are reinventing English.
Cute means :" attractive in a pretty, endearing way ".
In Northern American usage, it also means sexually ,physically appealing ( although in a less evident, flashy way than " h... (read in full...)
His family and friends influenced him and now we have broken up!
Q. Hi. Need help! My bf brokeup after 4 years together because of fights, he said he can't handle it. The real reason was he let him family know about our issues and they asked him not to see me again (It was so stupid of him and I believe his personal ...
A. 22 June 2014: You don't have to put up with anything, since you are broken up.
I understand that letting go is hard, but , FWIW, I believe that eventually people always find a way to do what they REALLY want in their heart. Maybe covering it up with othe... (read in full...)
How do I get my girlfriend to be less selfish in bed?
Q. Hello all, My girlfriend and I have a good relationship and have been dating for about a year and a half. However, things in the bedroom have taken a turn for the worse. Saying that things have fallen flat would be an understatement. ...
A. 22 June 2014: Two plus two does not quite make four here... I am not saying she is consciously telling you lies in order to avoid being intimate with you , it may be that this is the way she rationalizes why she is not into sex with you. Sex is often a ... (read in full...)
I'm dating her but my gut tells me there is something amiss with her male best friend!
Q. I have been dating this single mum for about month now. Everything is going alright, obviously haven't let the child or anything crazy like that yet, but I have an issue. She has a male best mate, obviously this girl is bisexual, and this make be...
A. 22 June 2014: I guess it's a matter of points of view :)... " I get one text per hour "- that's an awful lot of texting !, what is it, can't you stay quietly and contentedly few hours apart in a day ? And actually, when you are with friend A ,you are not ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all talk or should I give him more time?
Q. I am getting very frustrated with my boyfriend. He has dreams to become a stand up comedian, and wants to write books etc. he has big ambitions. A few months ago he took on a job earning a respectable salary, with the view to buying his flat and ...
A. 21 June 2014: As a side note, Housing Associations typically DO get public funding, that's why they keep rent so below market.
And if he got involved into a Housing Association scheme BECAUSE of being ( then ) young, homeless, and incomeless ,- well, what is h... (read in full...)
Why is he looking for sex so soon?
Q. Boyfriend needs a break to figure things out between us. Together nearly two years and plans to buy a house next year. Great sex, got along real well. Just one argument come up over the time we were together. Anyway had one massive row about this ...
A. 21 June 2014: Did you agree about the rules of this break ? Like,eule n.1 , we'll be apart but no sex with anybody else in these 2 2 months ?... No ? ah then - that was what drove Ross and Rachel apart :). Lack of clarity.
He is having fun and taking adva... (read in full...)
How do I get my girlfriend to be less selfish in bed?
Q. Hello all, My girlfriend and I have a good relationship and have been dating for about a year and a half. However, things in the bedroom have taken a turn for the worse. Saying that things have fallen flat would be an understatement. ...
A. 20 June 2014: Yeah I am curious too to know WHY she is hesitant and ,beside personal curiosity , that would allow us to answer something sensible.
It would be different if she is hesitant because she has some OB/GYN affliction which is healing slowly , say,... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all talk or should I give him more time?
Q. I am getting very frustrated with my boyfriend. He has dreams to become a stand up comedian, and wants to write books etc. he has big ambitions. A few months ago he took on a job earning a respectable salary, with the view to buying his flat and ...
A. 20 June 2014: Yes, you should be a bit concerned. Not so much because of his age ( there are several instances of performers who are late bloomers ) but because to succeed in show business you need a plan, and a ferocious committment, drive and determination. ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
