A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:As much as I love my boyfriend I seem to have a problem with something - the way he acts with other woman.My boyfriend is what most people would call a 'natural flirt' and honestly it bothers me a lot. We live in a small town and he knows a lot of women in the area through friends and work. He gives out his cell number to other women, and or/ accepts their number, he's flirty when he's around other women, he lets other women flirt with him without any kind of boundaries.He talks to ex girlfriends/hook ups, there's just a lot of 'flirty-ness' going on and I'm not comfortable with it. He just really enjoys attention from other women. These are the things I've noticed through out our relationship. He says he does this because he doesn't want to be mean or hurt their feelings, and I get that but at the same time I get jealous and upset when stuff like this happens. Him and I have a serious relationship and have been together for over 2 years, we've had talks and he knows the things that do or would upset me, so talking about it with him will probably just end up in a disagreement. What can I do about this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 Men like this will make you feel inadequate for your whole life. When you get0older, he will look at other younger women and you will feel miserable inside. There is a high chance that he will cheat because when a man flirts with a woman, he is sexually attracted to her. He will not change because he likes women.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 It seems you are at a stalemate, because it's not that he does not imagine or understand how his behaviour affects you: he knows, you told him, you have explaoned him, you have asked him to change.
He won't. Whatever you say or do , he'll keep flirting.
The problem is not really if he is going to do something inappropriate with all these phone numbers and contacts ( this Aunt says : yes, you bet ,he most probably is )- or if he just he's a vain guy who needs the constant ego stroke.
The problem is that you don't like that and it makes you unhappy.
Sorry, the answer is banal, but I do not see other solutions that:
- decide that you are not well matched enough to stand this crap, dump him and seek for a non - flirty guy
- decide that this is his only character flaw , which all in all is outweighted by all those good qualities of him which make you happy. Then shut up and put up, accepting that this is how it's going to be.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 Its a lame excuse to say he flirts, or responds to flirts, to avoid hurting peoples feelings. That's bull shit!! If you are in a committed relationship you do not give out mobile (cell) numbers to other women, nor do you flirt with them.
He clearly places his ego ahead of your feelings. Ditch this guy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): I am in a similar situation and actually said...out loud..."did I write this?" My relationship just ended because of this. We would have been together 3 years in November. It is hurtful. If you do not want to leave him, at least pretend you are leaving. He needs a hard lesson and that lesson is to be without you. I am not talking about for 2 days. I am talking about for 2 weeks. The best way is to end things nicely then go no contact right away. Ignore him HARD!!! He has to feel it emotionally or it is pointless. Absolutely pointless. You have to teach people how to treat you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): Your boyfriend doesn't respect your feelings, and has no sense of boundaries within being in a committed-relationship. He loves the attention of women fawning all over him. You're just a fan who tags along for the ride.
Your problem is that you see this, and continue to want to keep him. You've got a player on your hands. If he takes numbers, he's going to use them.
No, he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. He'd rather hurt yours. He continues, because there are no consequences.
All you can do, is complain about it. You're not going anywhere.
He has a humongous ego; and is enjoying all the attention. He enjoys it even more, knowing how jealous you are about it.
When you decide you've had enough, would prefer to have a guy who cares how you feel; and knows how to behave with respect for you. You'll dump him.
Until then, you'll feel hurt; and watch him continue to do it over and over.
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