A
female
age
36-40,
*urtbroken
writes:I am in a relationship with a guy. We came to know each other through online dating website. It's been 1 year we have still not meet each other. In the initial 2-3 months he was very loving. He made me feel true love. He has been going through financial problems for the last 1 year. I have loaned him a small amount and regularly do his phone recharges. I help him knowing that I am trusting someone I have never meet before, but because I love him too much i do it. In return I have always expected him to show me love and take out some time and talk to me nicely. In this 1 year he never spent even a penny on me and I never even expected him to spend anything. When I call him he hangs up the phone saying he's with someone and will call back and I wait whole night for his call and he never calls back. He will have all the time to flirt with his female friends on Facebook. When I tell all this things to him he just shouts at me and says don't irritate me. I feel betrayed, I feel that he is cheating me for money and he only talks when he wants money. I fight with him all the time alleging him that he is using me for money. It has gone so worse that we even use cuss words against each other and fight. It's always me who starts the fight and abuse him because I feel so heartbroken and cheated. I always knew he had temper problems, but recently I came to know that he has no control over his anger and gets very violent. He has many court cases on him for beating people. He says he doesn't remember anything what he does when he is angry. Just some days back he went after some guys with swords because they abused his father. He got hurt and the matter also went to the police.i love him so much because i feel he has accepted me as i am, even i have temperament problems. he always answers my phone though he hangs up immediately saying he will call back. i feel i will never get a better person then him. i threat him all the time that i will expose him to his friends. even i am at fault i know. but all this year i have only wanted his time and attention. I cannot feel happy from inside now, i am too much depressed. i tried to break the relationship once but i felt very lonely without him. what should i do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 June 2014):
 just don't call him
and when he calls you say "darling I'm sorry I can no longer pay any of your bills"
then get back to me and tell me what he said and did. I am betting it will be a big eye opener for you.
if you do not call him, he will not call till he needs to pay a bill.
if after a year you have not met, it's not a real relationship. the goal of an LDR is to not be LDR.. you don't say you are LDR but you say you met online... if you are less than a days drive apart, you are being used and you need to stop letting him use and abuse you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): He doesn't accept you as you are. He uses you for money, and he thinks you're a fool. Now I'm going to dole out some tough-love to you lady! I've got to snap you back to reality.
He is a violent and indecent low-life who takes advantage of vulnerable women like you. Maybe you're no angel, but don't let loneliness force you to subject yourself to online-scams. He's a tick. Sucking blood and draining you.
You are being childish; and have become deeply consumed by your obsession for this man. He is taking advantage of you.
Your relationship to this man is imaginary. Please don't use "love" in this context. It is all "make-believe."
Real relationships are an actual physical and mental-connection between people. Good or bad.
I don't give a damn about all the bullsh*t people try to pass-off as a relationship, and rationalizing it by claiming it's a "technological age." We are not humanoid-creatures connected by our digital-devices. We do not live on electronic life-support. We have feelings, a conscience, organs, and a sense of self. We are sentient and have a will. We sense loneliness and dread isolation.
I say BUNK to online-relationships!!!! Have a real relationship; if you've really got balls! You will never sell me on online-relationships. Meet people anyway you can, but learn to interact on the human-level. To me, that is highly-evolved. It takes skill, emotional-endurance, and wit. Self-control and self-discipline. Master these traits, and you can do anything.
You are wasting your time on a piece of human-waste. You have alienated yourself from the world; because you feel by hiding behind the screen of a device, you cannot be judged for your imperfections. My dear, we all have weaknesses, faults, and imperfections. That does not mean we surrender ourselves to lower life-forms, to feel accepted. Please comeback to the human-race, and accept us for our faults.
You can always go online, and find someone with whom you can pretend you have a relationship. Please allow yourself to deal with life in reality as well.
Stop sending that assh*le your money!!!
Stop saying you love him. You've never met him. I would recommend counseling; although that would be helpful, that's not completely your problem. You're lonely and you know what you're doing. You're trying to buy his attention and affection. You want a relationship that makes no demands of you, and want to live vicariously through a romantic-character you've created. You live your own romance-novel.
A virtual-image of yourself; because you don't like who you really are. Or at least, don't think real-men do. When is the last time you had a real-man? A good man? You can't judge men by online-trolls and players! If you've had a few bad experiences, write it off to life. You're online, and you don't seem to be fairing any better. Fishing in a barrel may be easier; but you still don't know the quality of your catch until you meet him.
You have to face and experience a real-live relationship. You may as well, if you're catching hell from some loser anyway. Delete that jerk! That is one technological-option that gives me total satisfaction. Delete, and he is gone forever! You will not be lonely, the world has more jerks to choose from. Throw a rock out your window, and you'll hit one. You need someone decent and good for you.
Time for you to get offline and deal with real men. It might be complicated, tricky, frustrating,and exhausting.
That's what real-life is! You need to be held in a man's arms, kissed, you need to walk on a beach hand-in-hand.
Have a passionate fight, and have makeup-sex. This comes only with real-time relationships. Try one, you'll like it!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 You should break up with him again and unfortunately go through the loneliness that will follow. Along with loneliness, you should also feel a sense of relief to be away from this man so try focusing on that. And go out and make some friends in real life... male of female, doesn't matter. Spend time with people who are nice to you, who respect and care for you... he isn't/ doesn't.... and build up your self esteem. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 June 2014):
 You feel miserable and he gets his phone bill paid. You get verbally abused and he gets his phone bill paid. You sit home every night by your phone and he gets his phone bill paid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): He cannot be your boyfriend if you have never met him. Your love life should not be revolving around a computer. You need to make some serious changes in your life.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (28 June 2014):
 Op im sorry but you need a reality check here. You cannot love someone you have never met. Sorry but its true. I have done online dating for several years (on and off) and I know from my own extensive experience that you never, ever really know someone until you have met face to face and spent time in that persons company in real life situations. Speaking online or in texts/emails is not the same as being in someones company in real world situations. You do not have a relationship. This guy could be married with kids for all you know. A relationship that consists of emails, calls and texts is a virtual relationship, not a proper, real life one.
This guy is trouble - not only is he verbally abusing you, but physically abusing others. Its obvious that were you get together with him he would physically abuse you too. He has a horrid temper, is a thug and abusive.
What you are in "love" with is the attention he gives you. You are lonely, insecure and he gives you lots of attention, even if a lot of it is abusive. You say you love this guy but he treats you like shit.
"When I call him he hangs up the phone saying he's with someone and will call back and I wait whole night for his call and he never calls back"
So he is off with other women and you are sat by the phone waiting for him to finish with her and give you a bit of attention? He is feeding you scraps and yet you are "lending" money to this guy, whom you have never met, but he treats you like dirt in return and never spends a penny on you?
"I feel that he is cheating me for money and he only talks when he wants money."
Im so sorry you are in this situation OP but you sound quite naïve and too trusting. He is just a petty criminal using you for money. Not only that bu you continue giving a stranger your hard earned cash and what do you get in return? Abuse! Its no different from being robbed and beaten up in the street for goodness sake! Never "lend" money to anyone you have never met, and never settle for an abusive man.
"i feel i will never get a better person then him"
Well you couldn't do much worse that's for sure. Trouble with men like him is that he will destroy your self worth so much that you end up almost begging to be abused as you will end up feeling its all you deserve. It is not. He is taking advantage of the fact you are lonely and insecure and playing on that to get money.
Mark
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 Accept that you will feel lonely for a while !, the time to substitute this " company " with other more suitable, more deserving people/ friends / Hobbies / activities. You will feel a bit lonely, but at least you won't feel ... ridicolous. Don't you feel ridicolous right now ?... Come on, letting a petty criminal ( because that's what he is ) use and abuse you in change of financial help !. Because he IS using for money, and even so, you don't even get out of it the little gratitude, the little affection you are tryng to buy yourself.So : you pay money, you don't get what you want in change = very bad bargain . Stop it ! If you have money to dispose of, give it to charities, to help sick people or abandoned children, not to enable the comfy lifestyle of a ( potentially dangerous ) psycho !!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 June 2014):
 What should you do?
Imagine where this relationship is going, you could never live with him, he's too volatile. You would be physically abused rather than verbally over the phone.
You deserve better.
So, gradually cut contact, so eventually your not talking at all. Use the spare time to build up your life with new interests, even if its going for a walk, run or bike ride when you feel the need to contact him.
Try voluntary work, your obviously a good listener and sympathetic. Use the strengths you have for a good purpose.
And see a doctor about your depression.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): First I want to say my situation is similar to yours. He was crazy about me in the beginning and we had started chatting online in December. He is also paying off some debts but I never gave him any money. You mention that he hangs up on you which is very rude and you don't deserve that. It also sounds like he is hiding something. Talking with other females and telling you not to irritate him, maybe he is not into the relationship as much as you are. Whether you start the fight or he does this is not a healthy relationship.
Seriously, he has no respect for you or himself. I know you love him and I know how that feels, you feel obligated to stay and you don't have to. You said that you tried to break it off before so what's stopping you now? Another thing I am concerned about here is your safety. If he has
violent tendencies then he might hurt you in some way.
I know this is hard to hear but you have to take care of
you first.
I know what it's like to be lonely and miss a guy that you
care about but he doesn't sound like he respects you and
it's not that you are not a likeable person because I'm sure that you are, lending him money when he doesn't even
appreciate it. You can't really know someone until you
spend a lot of quality time with them. Get to know their
friends and family.
You also said that you love him so much because he has accepted you as you are, but sorry to say he hasn't. He
treats you badly. I know that you may think you won't
find anyone better than him but maybe you need a break.
Talk to others who are helpful and positive. I use to
call the hotline for online counseling. They have places
that are free and they will listen to you.
And just remember you matter and you don't want to waste
your time on someone who can't give you the attention that
you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): Honey,
You already know exactly what to do. You already know this is a terrible situation. Count yourself lucky you never met him. I have to say he probably is using you. It is not your fault, he just makes you feel like it is your fault.
When you call he should not say he is with someone then hang up on you. Please go out and buy the book Why Men Marry Bitches, then send him a text saying "I think you are great, but this relationship is not working for me. I feel we have different morals when it comes to certain things. I wish you nothing but the best." And cut your ties completely.
Do you have friends you can hangout with face to face? Or are all your relationships online? It will be worthwhile working on yourself and meeting new people. Good luck.
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